A year ago, my husband of 14 years, went to live in a drug recovery home. He has maintained sobriety and we have been doing alot of work to repair our family. The building he lives in is for men only, but there is a womans division off site. Last night he confided that a woman in the womens program has been hitting on him for the past year. His side of it was that she approached him looking for genuine friendship. He said that he did maintain a friendship with her but made it clear that he has a wife and kids. He also told me that recently she has begun passing along dirty messages to him via other program members and has attempted to move past the friendship level with him.
Here's my question. In regards to this specific situation, should I just be there to listen to him and help him work this out and keep out of it as much as possible? Or should I contact this woman to re-assure her that he does have a wife/kids and tell her to back off?
2006-11-02 07:56:45 · 10 answers · asked by Semi-charmed 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Your husband has made a great step just in the fact that he has shared it with you. Praise him for that. He must cut all tires with this woman to protect your marriage. If you dangle your feet in the fire long enough, you will get burned. A married person should never place them selves in a compromising position. They should never be alone with the opposite sex if for no other reason than to protect their spouse from what other people might think. And there is always a danger especially for men when they are alone with a woman that has feelings for them. When you got married you both made a commitment to each other and to God to be faithful and neither should ever do anything no matter how innocent to threaten your union to one another. The only female he should have a genuine friendship with is YOU.
2006-11-02 08:10:08 · answer #1 · answered by David T 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think it's fantastic that your husband is attempting to clean up and the fact that he is so open and honest with you regarding this female. You approaching this woman won't do her or you any good. Inform your husband that you appreciate his honesty and that you hope that he never acts on any of these messages and if he does that you'd appreciate his honesty once again. I have been sober for quite a while and realize that a lot of people get attracted to others trying to recover also. Becoming involved with another person in a program is called 13 stepping and is not wise as one or both parties sobriety could be in jeopardy of acted on. Good luck to both you and your husband. Please continue to show your love and support of your husbands attempt to straighten up, and be grateful for his honesty even if it appears to be unconventional. I believe that he is just trying to be as honest as he can with you to keep his mind clean of any games. Try and keep an open mind and perhaps join a self help group for yourself to help you better understand the recovery process that your man is going through; ie: Al-anon or Narc-anon.
2006-11-02 16:06:04 · answer #2 · answered by crazylegs 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No you shouldn't intervene. He needs to do this on his own. What he should do is when he gets these messages don't read them. Just rip them up in front of the person who gave it to him. That person will go back and tell her and after this happens a couple times she will get the hint. Also he needs to tell this female once again that he has a wife and kids and if she continues to do this then he has no other choice but to stop all communication. I mean a true friend would understand. Give our blessings to your husband and wishing you and your family the best.
2006-11-02 16:05:59 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Contacting her will do no good. She already knows that he is married with kids and it has not stopped her yet. I think this will only aggrevate the situation. Talk to your husband and give him some ways to deal with the situation. You relationship is with your husband and not with this woman. Contacting her will only feed her ego and give her the boost she needs to keep trying. The worst thing you can ever let a woman know is that she is causing problems in your relationship. She will defintely feel like she has the upperhand.
2006-11-02 16:03:08 · answer #4 · answered by tiffany s 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You don't need to meet with this woman. If your husband feels that it's bothersome, then he needs to speak with his therapist and it will be dealt with appropriately. If it doesn't bother him, I would be concerned. Don't you attend family sessions with your husband? I work in a rehab center, that would be the best thing to do. Don't worry about getting "her" in trouble. Your husband should only be concerned about his recovery, not having to fend off someone who apparently is not there for treatment.
2006-11-02 16:12:16 · answer #5 · answered by betzdaw 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If shes not backing off, I would go with my husband and talk to a counsler or a person in charge and tell them whats going on. If what hes saying is true, then she sounds immature, so get her reprimanded like a child.boo ya! show that hoe!
2006-11-02 16:28:28 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like your husband is now very trustworthy. The fact that he confided in you about this leads me to believe that he can handle this himself. It appears he is working hard to not only get better, but repair your family. I do not think he will stray.
2006-11-02 16:07:57 · answer #7 · answered by Bill 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Meet her along with your kids and husband......there wont be any need to tell her to back off.....she's in a rehab anyway so she might be sensitive. The message will be clear anyway...
2006-11-02 16:00:16 · answer #8 · answered by sensa 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Addicts are weird people. Some think that is you say "no" that is just more of a reason to do it.
Trust in your husband, he seems to be very open and honest with you.
2006-11-02 16:02:38 · answer #9 · answered by snack_daddy10 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Whew, you have really been through it. This just depends on how much you want to save your marriage.
2006-11-02 16:01:56 · answer #10 · answered by Premo Mom 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋