a few yrs ago, i hooked up with a close friend. we lost touch somewhat but remained friends. recently i went to visit him, i'm not in love and i wasn't expecting anything-i just wanted him to know i love him. before i could, however, he came out as being gay, how he's "always known" and i'm one of the first he's told. then right before i left, i started crying and told him i loved him gay or straight, and that i needed some closure. he said at the time, he didn't want to reject me. i feel stupid b/c it sounded like i had aggressively pursued him and he was just sparing my feelings. but i normally never act that way with men and i do recall him initiating things. i doubt i was just a cover b/c no one knew what happened but now i feel ugly/foolish for thinking what what we had was meaningful. was he ever attracted to me at all? was i wrong to tell him how i felt? i didn't try to "turn" him straight, i just felt he should know how i feel. i'm afraid i scared him and ruined our friendship
2006-11-02 06:57:50 · 7 answers · asked by confused 1 in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
He could have been confused and tried denying how he really felt... especially since you both are so close it would almost be natural for him since there's already a connection between the two of you.
I doubt he was leading you on and if he wasn't letting anyone know that he was gay there would almost be no way of you knowing. He probably feels worse than you do right now and he might even be thinking be that he did lead you on in some way.
The only thing I can say is that the longer you wait to talk to him again the more ackward things are going to be. The sooner you get things out in the open and talk about it, the quicker everything will go back to normal.
I'm bi and I actually had a similar expirience with a friend of mine who was gay. We use to work together and he was always touchy feely; I assumed maybe he was bi like me... needless to say I was wrong. (Even though I now know he is as gay as gay can be, he's got this thing with boobs lol, which I guess all guys do.)
I felt stupid for a long time but I didn't want my misunderstanding to affect things between us. We talked about it and I realized that it wasn't an option to be his lover but "friends" aren't bad either. I knew that keeping him as a friend meant I wouldn't lose him and losing him was the last thing that I wanted to happen.
Everything is fine now and we're still really good friends. Don't think that you're the first girl to fall for a gay guy because that's not true at all. You get a man with the caring part of a woman... all straight ladies want that!!! Just talk to him and let him know that no matter what you're going to continue to be there for him just as he will be there for you.
2006-11-02 07:44:50 · answer #1 · answered by IceyFlame 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm in the same exact situation as you... I have been "going out" with a guy for over a year now and I honestly feel more attracted to girls than to him. Don't get me wrong, I really love my bf, and I value our relationship, but I also get turned on by girls... I have never told anybody that I am gay so I know that nobody suspects me to not like the guy in "that sort of way". I have a feelong that sometime soon I will tell my bf that I just want to be friends. I won't be dumping him or ending our relationship, I will simply tell him that I value our relationship too much to break anything off, I love him, I just want to bring our relationship down a few notches. (I won't tell him that I am gay though) Hope this helps...
2016-03-19 02:51:49 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
In this society it seems that any man who likes both women and men, has to either give up any interest in men, or label himself as gay. At which time he then has to give up any open interest in women.
Even if he labels himself as bisexual, he's still regarded as a gay who is still a bit in the closet.
Your friend could easily have had, and probably did have, a sexual attraction to you at the time, and would probably still have one if he wasn't forced to choose a side and deny himself further access to the other side.
2006-11-02 07:13:02 · answer #3 · answered by Grist 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't mean to be cliche but it sounds very will and grace. Let some time pass, then you both need to talk about it. Assure him you were so emotional just as he was and it will never happen again... Then work on your friendship, he probably needs you right now. If he trust you enough to tell you something like that maybe its your turn to stand up and put your feelings aside and be there for him..
2006-11-02 07:20:00 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
You did nothing wrong by telling him the truth. Most likely he won't act on it, but that is no reflection on you. Please take it from me. I found out after 6 years of marriage that my husband was bi and was sleeping with guys behind my back. I can't be angry or anything toward him because it had little to nothing to do with me. In your situation, this is a part of him and always has been. It has nothing to do with you. Don't be embaressed for being you. He will understand if he's a friend.
2006-11-02 07:04:16 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
Sounds like he was confused and his confusion spilled over on to you.
It sometimes is an interesting path to discover who you really are. It took me 40 years to accept I was bisexual and my wife and family will ultimately pay the price for my confusion. I plan to stay at least till the kids are grown and my wife is trying to save the marriage, But it is hard to deal wih the fallout.
2006-11-02 07:04:06 · answer #6 · answered by ♂ Randy W. ♂ 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
how hot is your friend
2006-11-02 07:20:15 · answer #7 · answered by greenrainbowqueer 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋