My husband and I are talking about swinging. We have never done it but Im curious b/c I have heard some people say it made their relationship better, others says it destroyed it.
2006-11-02 06:21:29 · 22 answers · asked by shimmers76 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
It makes a good marriage better, it can destroy a bad marriage
2006-11-04 02:15:19 · answer #1 · answered by Anarchy99 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I guess it depends on the level of security, honesty, understand, commitment to the relationship, etc.
A few months ago we swapped with a married couple...both are our friends. First time I couldn't enjoy it because it felt odd, don't know how to explain it. The second time it was the best sex EVER for me. Maybe because it was something different than what I've been used to for 4 years or maybe he's just really that good. I didn't tell the wife, my SO or the guy how great it was though. Just something I enjoyed once but will never happen again. Our relationship hasn't been affected in any way, nor has the friends' relationship.
There's so much to think about though. Jealousy issues - you know, is HE enjoying it a little too much, why does he do that with her but not me, why does he keep wanting to swing with that girl and not this one... There's SOOOO much to think about and there is no way you can predict how a couple or individuals will react in such a situation. But my advice is not to risk it because when all is said and done it's probably not worth it anyway.
2006-11-02 07:02:16 · answer #2 · answered by october g 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
OMG people...SWINGING DOES NOT DESTROY MARRIAGES! "People" destroy marriages. Whether your marriage disintegrates or not will be entirely dependant upon how solid, and how flexible, your marriage is. If you are both able to mean what you say and say what you mean, and able to believe one another when you promise to a) never intentionally harm one another, and b) always be completely honest with one another, you are in a good place. The first time you try going to a club, you will both have to agree that this is just a temporary experiment, and you agree that you will not allow it to affect your relationship. If something hurts or feels dirty/bad, then you will promise one another to stop immediately (including stopping your partner from doing whatever he/she is doing that is causing the negative feelings).
Do yourselves a big favour and read up on swinging. Educating yourselves doesn't hurt at all; moving forward with something that you don't know a great deal about CAN definitely hurt. Move slowly and only advance when you are BOTH ready.
2006-11-05 10:24:47 · answer #3 · answered by intuition897 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It made our great marriage even better. :-)
From listening to many talk about it, I feel that those that say it destroyed their marriage fall into three classes:
1) they had marriage problems and were using it to "fix" or "spice up" thier relationship (kind of like thinking moving and buying a new house will save their marriage), or
2) they went about it the wrong way, e.i. one member of the relationship was dragged into it kicking and screaming, or did it just to please their partner, etc.
The first is coercion and the second is codependancy. And
3) they didn't talk about it enough prior to doing it. They did not go in with a clear understanding of what they wanted from it and what their comfort zones were and what their rules are.
Every problem you hear about in swinging can be directly traced back to problems with the people involved, not swinging itself.
If your relationship is strong and you are in total trust and love with each other, than it certainly won't hurt it.
For real information on swinging check out The Swingers Board. It's free and has the most information from newbies and veterans alike you'll find on the Internet.
2006-11-02 08:25:35 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 1⤋
Worst idea ever!! My husband pushed for the lifestyle so I agreed...pure stupidity on my part. A girl got emotionally attached to him and while I was out of town with family he slept with her. I found out from her husband. It is killing me and if you don't want to create a great relationship with the person you married then don't be married! The lifestyle is not a fun place someone always and I mean ALWAYS will get their feelings hurt.
2014-02-15 11:19:14 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
my hubby and i have been swinging for about 10 years. i would say it hasn't changed our relationship at all. it's all about communication and making sure everyone is comfortable. as long as everyone involved speaks there mind it should be ok. just make sure you swing with another couple in the lifestyle and not somebody else who is just trying it also. most swinging couples will take it slow the first time with newbies and make sure everything is going ok. just remember no is no and have lots and lots of safe sex
2006-11-02 08:49:39 · answer #6 · answered by mj_jll 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It changed my marriage all right! We did it for years until his heart got involved with a girl we had had relations togethor with ....our marraige has never been the same and i am not sure it ever will. However there are people who can do this with no problem..to be honest you don't know how you will handle this until your there watching the person you love sleep with someone else!
2006-11-02 06:26:30 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
it's just made our relationship that much more adventureous. and swinging doesn't have to be fully swapping partners either. do some research and most of all communicate and have fun.
2006-11-04 12:06:08 · answer #8 · answered by burnttoast97 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
In EVERY relationship (committed relationship) that I know of where some form of swining has been done in it has destroyed that relationship not made it better.
The only time I've seen this work is when people are casually dating each other and don't have any sort of "committed" relationship (like marriage or bf/gf or engaged).
Swingin is really best left to singles and not "committed couples".
2006-11-02 06:32:46 · answer #9 · answered by .... 5 · 3⤊ 4⤋
You better think long and hard before you go down this road. Being married is a delicate balance of trust, devotion to one another, lot of work, and complete open communication! Many marriages have been destroyed by swinging. It is very easy to loose focus on why the two of you got married in the first place. Swinging only blurs the focus on marriage. It may be good for a bit, but the erosion of the foundation of your marriage will start by turning this fantasy into reality if you are not totally committed to each other. Both of you sit down and make a list of the pro's and con's of starting that lifestyle. Ask yourselves, what after the first time one of the partners doesn't want to do it anymore but the other is now happy with the choice. Is one person pushing the issue? I'm just saying, please think very carefully before you start anything.
2017-02-05 13:06:31 · answer #10 · answered by Dan 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋