I am about to turn 21, and I have been with this guy since I was 14. Needless to say, that is over a quarter of my life. he has not allowed my to have any friends, and I haven't seen or talked to most of my family in years. He has not let me work in 2 years, and He is very mad about me going back to school to get my GED. I am not allowed to leave the house without his say so, and I have to call and check in with him once an hour. I know that this is not a heathy relation ship, and that I an the only one who can change my situation, but I don't know how. I just started a new job a few weeks ago, and I have found a house to rent, but It is in the same town I live in now. He has never hurt me phisically before, but I am scared that if I leave that might change. I am afraid that if I leave I may not make enough money to make it on my own. I know that I can't stay but I don't know how to leave.
2006-11-02 06:16:55 · 42 answers · asked by cc_broad3 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
I would call your local police station and ask for their advice, as to whether they know of an attorney who can help you. THere may also be a woman's shelter in your area that can help assist you in getting you to safety and in short order.
I can't stand hearing you are in this situation. I've had some fairly similar situations myself, but not to the degree that you have told us about. I will pray for you that the direction you take is one of safety and smooth transaction. After you get to safety, please contact your family and re-build those ties and explain to them the situation you've been in and to please understand and support you on this.
This is driving me crazy! The stress must be stifling! Please act on this, get your finances pulled to safety, locks, storage unit set up if you need with movers, things put in your name (property, credit cards). Just get some folks involved and soon, or you will lose your nerve!
2006-11-02 06:23:11 · answer #1 · answered by YRofTexas 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
wow okay so first of all you have to be strong for your own sake. You must DEMAND yourself to leave this boys house. This is kinda rediculous there is no reason for you to stay there. He is lying to you about changing and he keeps doing it. Hes like a puppy. He begs and begs and you always come back so hes gonna keep begging more and more when you try to leave. BREAK THE CYCLE! Obviously this is gonna be super hard for you because I think you feel sorry for him that its not gonna work out and you are being nice and giving him a million chances to be a bettr man. You need to believe that he is just not gonna change. Hey, maybe after you leave he will go out, get a job, stop all his smokin nonsense and move out of his house. Thats being optimistic but if you show him you are serious about him changing, perhaps hell take it more seriously. Good luck and just do it!! :O
2016-03-19 02:51:18 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do leave, and yes it might be scary, but you can get a restraining order against him. Get a place with a security system or a security guard in your building. There are programs that you can apply for and you might even have to work 2 jobs or get a roommate, but this relationship is very unhealthy and it will be worth the hard work in the end!
2006-11-02 06:20:21 · answer #3 · answered by ? 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Good for you for finally recognizing an unhealthy relationship! Now it's time to take action. Pack your bags & move out. Get a restraining order against him so that he cannot contact you or come near you. You can seek help from various local charities and organizations until you are able to stand on your own. The important part is you physical and emotional well being. Best of luck to you!
2006-11-02 06:19:10 · answer #4 · answered by kja63 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Contact family and make arrangements to go stay with family out of town. You can get a job and offer to pay your family rent to let you stay with them temporarily until you get back on your feet. Or you could look into finding a women's shelter to stay at as well.
2006-11-02 06:20:03 · answer #5 · answered by CarolinaGirl 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
do you have any family that you could contact without his knowing? if so, I would get some family help and be sure that you have a plan, if he's that controlling, then you have a right to worry that it could turn to the worst. I am a single mom with 2 kids, I have had my familys help for over 4 years, but now I am on my own and have been for about 3 months now, it's still scary but we are doing fine.
2006-11-02 06:20:58 · answer #6 · answered by a_good_one_waiting 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Tell him you are leaving through a letter. Leave and don't give any forwarding address. Find an apartment where he can't find you. Somewhere not in his area. Where do your parents live? I suggest that you can either go stay with them or another close relative. Will he go as far as physically abuse you? If you think he may it may not be a good idea to stay at your parents place since he'll probably go there to look for you.
2006-11-02 06:20:36 · answer #7 · answered by Wibble 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You poor child , he never allowed you to grow up , get a family member or co-worker to help pack your things and gewt out , it would be better just to go to another state to live with a relative if possible .
2006-11-02 06:19:17 · answer #8 · answered by DEADGONE 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
That is a very HARD question. You say he has never physically abused you, but obviously he has abused you mentally, by controlling who you can talk to and what you can or cannot do.
If you could possibly talk to him face to face and tell him that you have goals and aspirations in life and don't want to sit at home for the rest of your life, maybe he would understand. Either way, it sounds like he is taking you for granted and you need to try to move on and find someone who will treat you with respect. Good luck!
2006-11-02 06:20:31 · answer #9 · answered by hellaeddie 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you haven't seen your family in so long, I'm sure they miss you so much and are desperate to hear from you. Call a family member, tell them that you are ready to leave him and ask for their help. They WILL help you, do not be afraid to call and ask, don't be intimidated. They've been waiting for this phone call for years. Maybe even try to get a protective order against him. I wish you the best of luck dear. If you leave this man, you will have a new life and I know that's what you truly want.
J
2006-11-02 06:22:33 · answer #10 · answered by Jenn 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Its very hard to leave someone you've been with that long. My best advice would be to flat out tell him its over and don't take no for and answer. That dosent' work often, maybe you should cheat on him, that seems to do the trick lots of times, I know thats a bad thing to do, but it creates results.
2006-11-02 06:20:12 · answer #11 · answered by Fernie 2 · 0⤊ 2⤋