2006-11-02 06:14:16 · 34 answers · asked by silverpearl 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
After 36 years of marriage i guess i am just about qualified to answer you. It is a hard road to travel.. believe me!! you have to work at staying married for this long. It is not all sweetness and light as there have been times when i have wanted to just pack up and go but i have a deep sense of responsibility to my family, even though our kids are all grownups now.My wife has no doubt felt the same at times. So the answer is..Think about what you are going to do, before you do it and consider what effect it might have on your other half. Tell her that you love her often and show it!! Flowers and little treats work wonders. Keep your lust alive as sex is important even as you get older. It is the best way of communicating your love for each other. Do not have secrets that might hurt the other one. Be truthful. Make time for each other, hold hands when you walk out together. Sneak a kiss in public. Look after each other and always back each other up. I could go on and on but i am sure that you get the idea. I am 61 and she is 56. We still sleep together sharing a double bed. Like I say,love, lust, hard work and consideration are important as is being freinds as well.
2006-11-02 06:33:32 · answer #1 · answered by hharry_m_uk 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
it's really hard to stay married.most people think that being married makes things easier, like 2 heads are better than 1.
Appreciation helps. Showing someone you care doesnt have to be flowers every week, or dinner and a movie. Sometimes catering and a little *** kissing is all a person needs to feel needed and important.
Respect is another thing.But that works both ways. You have to them, their needs, their personal space, their personal belongings, anything that they care about and likewise, and lets not forget to respect NO. 1. self.
Don't do things for spite, or things you know is going to piss them off. All goes back to respect and appreciation.
Then there is the person that is never happy no matter what you do, the situation, or nothing. Now, where this person gets off, I will never know.But dont hurt yourself trying to keep someone happy who is obviously miserable with their life, or who they are as a person. Living to make someone else happy may utterly lead to your unhappiness, and we should never sacrifice ourself. when you love someone you have to love you more. They only exist because of you.
2006-11-02 06:33:34 · answer #2 · answered by steelababi 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
There is no simple answer. I have been married for 16years, and every day it is work. You have to work at it constantly. I do not mean it is bad it is work, as u can not do anything without thinking of the other person, as every decision u make affects the other. Other than work it is love respect and what I believe is the most important thing is friendship. U have to look at the person and say if i was just introduced to this person could we be friends, do we have things in common, could I trust this person, oh and don't forget to compromise a must. I mean do I really enjoy watching Grey's Anatomy or Desperate housewives, no but I do enjoy her laying in my lap watching it, i also do not think she really enjoys me watching football or playing video games but she watches and ask question. So it is Love Friendship and the ability to compromise. At least that's my opinion.
2006-11-02 06:34:02 · answer #3 · answered by erker34 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Good question: I'm divorced, but, one can always learn. I'd say get help. Find a successful couple and talk to them individually and allow them to advise you. On issues with my ex, and she agrees with me, she wanted pure love. So if we spoke of finances, she took it hard, even when it was so mild. She never wanted to think that I thought anything other than she was on a pedestal for me. She was, but that did not matter, if I said anything that suggested that we had an issue that we needed to discuss, she amplified it and internalized it. It was dysfunctional, it is called passive aggressive and when it became active, we were truly lost.
Main point, some couples can handle give and take better than others. But, isn't is best to focus on strengths and love and let others work on the gaps. I just do not see how a husband can change a wife, or wife change a husband, even if they need it. It either happens, or they argue and get sensitized. But others can help!
There is much more involved, but, be open to get proactive counseling if you wish to stay married with a high rate of success. Nornally, we do not have the tools and experience in this increasingly screwed up world, to solve our own relationship problems. No role models, the media is 90%+ anti-family in what they show, parents struggle, schools are politically correct, etc.
I forgot one more fact. Marriage = passion + decision. Passion can go up and down. Think in terms of family and blood is thicker than water. Marriage is a choice and I made it.
I heard a lady once talk about her husband. She was becoming a national speaker and he was a redneck cowboy. When she went to church, she wanted him to be respectable, and wear a suit. But he wore his jeans. She grew to hate the man she used to love. She was going to divorce him, but took a step back and said, ok, I will talk and try to understand. They started to walk and talk and soon she fell in love with her best friend, who was always there, as her best friend. Now, when she goes to church in her dress and he in his jeans, she thinks, I'm here with this guy, and this man is "MY MAN!!!!" Wow!! A hard change in attitude from embarrassment to pride. And he was a very good man. Very understandable to make this mistake, and one of many secrets on what it takes to stay married.
In marriage there are more potholes than any street in the USA. Who can know where they are, so one answer is hard, but basically, "be committed and get help". I was committed, I did not get help in time, in fact, at first I was against it like most guys. Not now.
2006-11-02 12:57:39 · answer #4 · answered by Cogito Sum 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Love her, Trust her, Listen to each other, when you get into an argument be the first to resolve it no matter who's at falt.
Make him or her your best friend, put your relationship above all others. Never go to bed angry.
I remember seeing two senior couples on a park bench, they were holding hands, smiling and laughing. You could see the love in their eyes for each other.
Being married is a selfless process a never ending work between to human-beings. Both your goals is to one day look back at your life's and see the love that you both have created
2006-11-02 06:32:05 · answer #5 · answered by kdc 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Men and women want slightly different versions of the same things.
Women want you do be a confident (but not arrogant) male who respects her and demonstrates affection from time to time and isn't afraid to compliment her sometimes (but doesn't seem needy by doing it all the time) who has a good attitude and integrity, and he suprises her with a little romance every once in a while.
Men want unwavering loyalty (respect), integrity, affection and a good attitude.
The problem is that some men pay attention only to their own needs and interest level (we are egotistical creatures by default), and some men never think of her needs (macho man) and try to control her, while other men (wimps) do anything to appease her while not showing any backbone. Wimps and Macho men have poor self-control (a key component of confidence).
And some women will marry men they are barely interested in and nag him to death (dependency issues--fear of being alone) and then lose interest in him altogether when she has kids (the true loves of her life). Other women have no self-esteem and need men to feel whole (needy women--they usually marry Mach Man who treats them like crap and tells them what to do all the time until they leave him).
Good luck.
2006-11-02 06:25:37 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
It takes:
Trust, love, friendship, laughter, sadness, and comfort. Truly believing that you are with your best friend. Hold out for that if nothing else. And it also helps when both of you are somewhat stable minded! They say opposites attract. True, but it takes more than attraction to make a relationship last. Marry your best friend.
2006-11-02 06:19:09 · answer #7 · answered by yokrem 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It takes all the things we all strive for, but sometimes, loose or can't find.
Communication and Trust are key.
With communication and trust, then all the other things that make it work, come out. Love, careing, passion, honesty, laughter and compassion will be there if you just have communication and trust.
2006-11-02 06:21:00 · answer #8 · answered by peggin_beast 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Never fight about money
Honesty and Forgivness
Make sure you have a strong friendship first
Don't ever cheat
and for the most important one of them all
ONLY FIGHT FOR WHAT YOU TRULY BELIEVE IN
don't let petty disagreements turn into something they don't have to be , stop them before they start
2006-11-02 08:30:57 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
LOVE, Communication, Comprehension, Honesty, Patience, Prayer, lost of hugs, kisses and I love yous. Specially God the third and only person involved directly into guiding a marriage.
2006-11-02 06:24:17 · answer #10 · answered by Letty 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋