On top of this already bad situation..you are unemployed,penniless and living with "friends" of his in his country where you can't speak the language?
2006-11-02 05:37:28 · 61 answers · asked by marleyanne b 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Just some details I forgot to add...I'm a South African citizen with no family to fall back on..He is Turkish and we are in Turkey where this is considered quite normal behavior for a husband and generally accepted...I have no one to phone for help..thats why i asked here what to do...no there's no kids..Thank God...
2006-11-02 06:03:05 · update #1
He has shown you that he has the potential to be abusive. As a domestic violence counselor it does not surprise me that he waited to show this side of him when he had you in such a vulnerable position. Abuse is all about power and control and right now he has all the power and you have none.
Even though you don't speak the language, it's great that you have access to the internet. You can use this to get yourself in contact with a domestic violence agency, or if it is not possible to find one that has English speaking advocates, you can contact your local American Embassy for assistance on fleeing back to America. I'm assuming you are American, I apologize for the assumption if you are not.
If you can, please re-post your nationality, and the country you are in and I will try and get you some websites and contact numbers for people that can help you.
If you have family, consider contacting them by e-mail to see if they can wire you money to leave the country. Do whatever you need to do to leave this situation...and get all of the help that you can.
Please remember, there is never an excuse for abuse. Now that he has shown you this side of him, you know what he capable of.
EDIT: HERE IS THE CONTACT INFORMATION YOU NEED!
http://www.dfa.gov.za/foreign/sa_abroad/sat.htm
South African Embassy
Filistin Sokak No 27
Gaziosmanpasa
Ankara, 06700
Postal Add:
P O Box 30
Kucukesat
06662 Ankara
Tel: + 90 312 446 4056
Fax: + 90 312 446 6434
E-mail:
saemb@ada.net.tr (Embassy)
ankcorp@southafrica.org.tr (Admin)
consular@southafrica.org.tr (Consular)
trade@southafrica.org.tr (Trade)
saembassy@ada.net.tr (Political)
Call or e-mail them and they can help you flee the country and get back to South Africa.
2006-11-02 05:45:33 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
Have someone from the homeland wire you some money so you can get the heck out of wherever you are. Don't tell him where you are. Don't talk to him at all. File for divorce. Start your life over. It's either that or fall helplessly deeper into the hole you are in until it is too late. It is so worth it for your life and self esteem to get away from this man. You deserve a happy life. It is obvious you can't have that with him. The FIRST time a man hits a woman is the time to get out of the relationship. You won't be sorry that you left, but you will be extremely sorry if you stay.
2006-11-02 05:48:37 · answer #2 · answered by sexmagnet 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He made sure you had no resources and couldn't get away when he moved with you to a place where you have no support system. It's much easier to control someone when they have no way to get away. The US Embassy might help you, but they can't do as much as the movies imply it can. If you don't trust the police, they could certainly provide you some safe haven until you can find a way out. The best idea is to ask a friend or family member to buy you a plane ticket and fly home.
2006-11-02 05:51:03 · answer #3 · answered by misssomers 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
oh honey - i am so sorry to hear about what your husband has done. the same thing happened to me and i was beaten until i blacked out and then woke up to find he was still at it. i left him for a year, went back to him because "he had changed" and gave him another chance. within two weeks his attitude had returned and i had a talk with myself in the mirror (what i would tell a friend - stuff i didn't want to hear but needed) and left him. i slept in someone's kitchen for six months on a cot and did manual labor to support myself (did i mention that i left a successful business in the city and moved 300 miles to be with him?). it was hard but let me tell you girl, i love life again and feel great about all that has happened to me. how did i survive the abuse and go on with no regrets? by loving myself and realizing that everything that has happened to me is part of what makes me the great person i am today.
leave him. do it now. you will have some hardships and struggles along the way, but in the long run you will be better off.
note: after i left my husband, his daughter told me that his "fist" was the reason his first two wives left. it has always been there and it took many years for it to come back out - so glad i left!
you do not state what country you are in and i am sure the laws are different than they are here in the states. if i can help you in any other way (ear to listen, offer support, be your friend) please do not hesitate to email me at my 360 address.
happy thoughts of love, peace and light.
2006-11-02 05:45:00 · answer #4 · answered by annie - rainbow goddess 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
search a helpline for battered wives on the internet, i can't help you there because i don't know which country you're in.
the people on those helplines are very kind and will give you good advice for your awful situation.
talk to your family if you can, i'm sure that they would take you in.
otherwise, who are your husbands friends? maybe some of them would listen to your problem and offer some help?
but you musn't stay with your husband. he could do it again. if he was drunk when he beat you talk to him when he's sober. ask him not to drink, and if there's a repercussion leave immediately!!!!!
you're better than that! do not suffer like the thousands of other women!
2006-11-02 05:45:04 · answer #5 · answered by chocolate.smartie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Is there an Embassy in that country? Go there. Oh my goodness hun, I feel SO BAD for you. That sounds like the novel and book "Not Without My Daughter", when the woman was married and in America and when she went back to the Middle East with her hubby, he flipped out on her, beat her, made her wear the covering, and she was basically enslaved and at his mercy.
In it, she went to the US Embassy and was able to contact family and smuggle her daughter out.
Luckily for you, there are no children involved, but couldn't you contact your embassy and get the hell out of there, and go back to your homeland and start over????
I'm sorry if i'm not much help. I am from America, and here there are so many opportunities, and so many laws geared toward support and help, especially of women and against abuse like that........so the thought of being in a foreign country and having a thing like that done sounds like a nightmare.
2006-11-02 06:12:40 · answer #6 · answered by lilac b 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Try to contact a relative or someone you trust that can help you escape such a situation. Does this man allow you to work or would he view you obtaining some type of employment as rebellion after his beating you? You need to get in touch with someone who has the resources to get you back to your home. The first thing you need to do though is next time he raises a hand to you - fight back. He might be bigger and stronger but he will know that you don't plan on taking anymore of his beatings.
2006-11-02 05:42:01 · answer #7 · answered by 07jaggrad 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
what your husband has done. the same thing happened to me and i was beaten until i blacked out and then woke up to find he was still at it. i left him for a year, went back to him because "he had changed" and gave him another chance. within two weeks his attitude had returned and i had a talk with myself in the mirror (what i would tell a friend - stuff i didn't want to hear but needed) and left him. i slept in someone's kitchen for six months on a cot and did manual labor to support myself (did i mention that i left a successful business in the city and moved 300 miles to be with him?). it was hard but let me tell you girl, i love life again and feel great about all that has happened to me. how did i survive the abuse and go on with no regrets? by loving myself and realizing that everything that has happened to me is part of what makes me the great person i am today.
2014-09-28 00:59:34 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Go to the nearest US embassy. They should be able to help you out. If it means taking just the clothes on your back you need to leave. Hitting is no excuse and don't take his word if he says that he is really sorry and it will never happen again. I should know...I have the scars on my back and arms of my husband repeatedly saying how he would never hit me again. It just got steadily worse. Please get out now. I did and it was the best thing for me. I was able to heal the scars on the outside...and after a time heal somewhat the scars on the inside. Good luck to you and the future of yours that you hold in your two hands. Only you can be strong enough to get out.
2006-11-02 05:45:04 · answer #9 · answered by mshellrosie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
WOW! I wish I had more details, but in most countries it is illegal and you could have him arrested or get a restraining order. If he does it regularly, you might get away with self-defense. If you are in one of those countries where the man is king and you are a "nothing", then you need to find money at whatever the cost and make a run for it to a civilized country where you will be protected from this a**hole. No matter what honey, you need to STOP this at whatever cost.
2006-11-02 05:42:53 · answer #10 · answered by joe d 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋