My husband of 23 yrs. does not want sex and doesn't initiate it and we don't have sex except once a month if I am lucky. When I talk to him about it, he says he is tired or older or that we argue too much and he doesn't think I want to be intimate.
My husband is very nice looking. I am not a dog. We used to have sex all the time when we were younger. Has it always been great? no.....in fact it is not that great. He never french kisses me. He never touches my vagina. He doesn't kiss my breasts. No foreplay. When he wants it, once a month, he just gets on top, and then he cums in 2 minutes. There have been times when I cry after sex. I am so unfulfilled and sad afterwards. I have talked to him about this. But he just doesn't get it. What is wrong with me? I am very passionate and I try real hard to satisfy him. I am not ugly or fat. I am a loving and affectionate person. I have even bought instructional sex tapes to help me help him. Nothing works. Is he gay?
2006-11-02 05:15:13 · 10 answers · asked by lucy p 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I am on birth control but he refuses to ejaculate inside of me. And hasn't for ll yrs. He cums on my back or belly. Is this normal? And it makes me feel bad about myself. We have 3 kids....l8,20, and l2. Why does't he desire me? What is wrong with me? Why do I have to beg for love, sex , and intimacy? Do you know how this makes me feel? I need to be kissed, hugged, and desired. I am thinking of an affair if this continues but I don't want to do this. I want to play in bed and have fun and live life. He just wants to act old and just doesn't get it. What should I do? Don't mention counseling. Been there done that. He won't go. I do. I have had other men make advances and want to be with me. But I want my husband to want me. Help!
2006-11-02 05:19:30 · update #1
I am 45 and he is 46. It has been this way for 15 years.
2006-11-02 05:22:00 · update #2
Yes people...I have bought the sex toys. but it is still a lonely feeling......yes, I have asked him if he is gay.....doesn't matter.
2006-11-02 05:25:45 · update #3
I am 45 and he is 46. It has been this way for 15 years.
2006-11-02 05:37:28 · update #4
He needs viagra. He is a lazy lover. Don't let him make you feel undesirable. It isn't you. He is having issues. Is it possible he is getting his satisfaction elsewhere? If he isn't I may be inclined to believe he is a closeted gay myself. I am sorry for you. You are still a vibrant woman and by no means ready to be put upon a shelf. I know that you like to get sex whenever you can even if it is that one time a month but I wouldn't give it to him even then. He isn't making love to you like you deserve he is using you like a toilet. YOU DESERVE MUCH MORE!
2006-11-02 05:52:52 · answer #1 · answered by AVA 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like there is an underlying issue at work here.
Sex is important in a marriage, That intimacy when done with love is the most precious gift you can give your partner. There is nothing between you, you are technically 1.
How much must be a decison on the indivdual couple can make.
There is nothing wrong with you, Don't say that again. You need to find out what is going on in his head. Maybe as you stated cums in 2 mins that he is afraid that is too fast. To avoid the disappointment he is avoiding it. Or maybe the pipes are there but problems with the plumbing.
You need to get him to communicate better, try taking the pressure off of sex. More intimacy, romance, seduction.
Maybe speak with your doctor about it. I don't know about the age here but that could be a factor with the drive anyways.
As to your satisfaction, Now it is time for you to teach hubby how to make love to you the way that you want. Lots of touching, sensual stuff. Don't expect him to know what you want. Obviously he doesn't, guide his hand, tease him, ask him, tell him to.
I hope that helps, but it sounds like there is an issue here. Until you get that identified you are really just guessing. Don't think being gay is it.
Just read the second part of your post, Affairs are not the answer, never are. Get those nasty thoughts out of your head.
Time to drop the hammer i think. Sit him down and spell it our real clear. Either the two of you seek help and fix this cause your unhappy or it is time to get to stepping. Looks like you have done all that you can and he is just being a goof. Any man in his right mind would die to have a wife that is a giving, senusal and passionate as you are. If he isn't willing to work on it and make it better, I can promise you that there is a guy out there that would treat you like the queen you are.
2006-11-02 05:49:16 · answer #2 · answered by SRC 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would give up on the whole situation. The more you ask...the less he wants. If you have a problem and think that he is gay, you really need to look at the signs. Other than that, the problem to me, sounds like you are just stressing to much about it. Don't try to force it. It will come when it is ready. If he doesn't come around after a few months....I would suggest counseling.
2006-11-02 05:24:07 · answer #3 · answered by clawbeaja 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sex is such an important part of your marriage. It is a way to show affection, it's a great stress reliever, plus, it keeps things fresh. It is hard when you don't get it often. Maybe he is having issues with himself. Maybe you should initiate it, then tell him to do this or that. Guide him. If he doesn't get into it, then I would be like, WTF....lol! Tell him you are going to find it somewhere else, meaning a "toy". Do you ever try to put on a sexy outfit and get his attention that way? If none of this works, say, are you gay?! Maybe that will be enough to make him think.....OMG she thinks I am gay!!!! Good Luck
2006-11-02 05:22:06 · answer #4 · answered by kimmypoo 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sex is just one part of intimacy. Without intimacy, sex is ultimately unsatisfying IMO.
So what else is missing that is preventing intimacy, I wonder? Do you respect one another? Do you take some time to go out on dates with one another? Do you ever just hold each other for about 10 seconds to demonstrate your affection?
Men also value loayalty highly, so does your husband sense you are loyal (and I don't mean cheating; do you guys back each other up and support one another?).
2006-11-02 05:32:02 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
To me there's a change among cannot and may not. If my husband used to be medically not able to have intercourse then I could study to reside with out intercourse. I would not love it however I could cope in an right method that could keep the integrity of the wedding. If my husband could now not (he is bodily ready however simply now not gonna do it) have intercourse with me then I might now not tolerate a wedding like that. Sex is principal. I uncover it intriguing while persons say it is not.
2016-09-01 06:07:31 · answer #6 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
has your marriage always been that way? does he have gay tendencys? maybe you guys should attend some sort of therapy... i'm really sorry i have nothing else to say except if this cintinues maybe you can find your self a sex partner if all else fails get a sex toy for your self but if i were you i would get a sex partner...
2006-11-02 05:19:17 · answer #7 · answered by juicy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He may have just lost the passion. It does happen more often then not. Try talking to a sex cousellor to get to the bottom of his problem.
2006-11-02 05:19:12 · answer #8 · answered by notfreeinnh 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe it's time for you to initiate... and play hard to get. You said that he just climes on... don't let him. Make it playful. Squirm away with a kiss. Kiss him like you can't live without him, then roll over. When he comes to you for more, kiss him again, more intense than before, then roll over and say, "Goodnight." When he gets home from work, tackle him, get him all worked up, and then go out for dinner. Eventually he'll want it, and when he does, say something like, "Oh, I would, honey, but I haven't been kissed enough today for that yet. If you want, I could run next door and let kind mister next-door neighbor-that-likes-to-hit-on-me take care of that part for you. He seems very friendly, and since you're not up for it..." At which point, he will be up for it. Make sure to be playful when you say it, and not serious. If it hurts his feelings, tone it down a little the next time, but keep making the point that you want more, but make clear exactly what you need. Keep it simple, only need on thing at a time, and if you get the thing you say you need, then let him get what he needs. If it turns into a "Oh, I just need one more thing..." for more than two things, you'll loose him for good. It's a long process, and you have to be an active participant.
Sometimes it gets hard for us guys... we are expected to be able and anxious to perform at any time, and yet if our wife "has a headache" every night for three years straight, well that's just the way it is and we've got to get over it. To get you to give us the time of day, we have to be strong and firm, we have to "be a man," but if we aren't sensitive and loving and treat you with respect, you hold out on us. We're expected to always initiate sex, but if she isn't in the mood then we have to just shut down our desires (that she woke up!) because that's not fair that she should have to perform when she's not in the mood. It gets frustrating, and sometimes it creates a negative feedback loop. It builds over time. I had a friend whose wife would fall asleep durring foreplay. Then out of the blue one day I overheard her complaining to my wife that he never does foreplay anymore. I came in the room laughing, and told her what he'd told me. She was offended... but two weeks later their sex life was back from the dead. He was still afraid to do foreplay, but she had promised that she wouldn't let herself fall asleep durring, and they had some kind of arrangement for if/when she did. Turns out she couldn't hold up her end of the bargain, and he got something as a result. (I never was clear on what.) Whatever it was, it turned out to be good enough that he wasn't afraid of foreplay anymore.
See if you can figure out if there's anything you've ever done to make your husband think that you don't want to be intimate. It sounds like you have, but you don't realize it. Maybe talk to him. Get it all cleared out of the air, and then figure out some way to get him back used to asking for it.
2006-11-02 05:56:46 · answer #9 · answered by Sean J 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You definitely need loving, sorry to hear that. Get yourself a toy or two.
2006-11-02 05:20:08 · answer #10 · answered by phone_man_at_work 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋