My b/f just found out on Halloween that his ex's child is his. The story with that is she told him she was pregnant while they were still dating, he caught her cheating 5 times. So, they broke up, and she told him she was putting the child up for adoption and wasn't sure who the father was. Fast forward, he gets a call saying the daughter is a year old, she kept her, and they live in the Netherlands (we live in the USA). She asked him to take a paternity test, he did, and he just told me that the child is his.
1. Question: How can I deal with this? Since he knows, he's talking about traveling there to see her, and for some reason I'd like to go as well...but I don't know how I should handle this. What about the future? How does one go about a relationship after finding out that your partner has a child they're dying to see and never knew about?
2. What's next? How does he go about things like child support? Since we're in college, does he get leniency (like a discount)?
2006-11-02 05:02:02 · 13 answers · asked by nyrockfan 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
1. You probably feel like going because A) you fear him getting back with his ex-gf or B) you want to know about this child or C) a combo of both. You may both need counselling to decide what to do, or where your relationship is going due to this news.
2. Child support if a government issue if the child's mother decides she wants it. Since the child is a year old, she may not ask for any child support. You should call a family lawyer to ask about the legalities (including leniencies) regarding child support.
2006-11-02 05:06:45 · answer #1 · answered by psycho_chic_in_training 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well i dont think you could much respect for him if he didnt want to see this child. The future is the same as it would be if he had a child from another marriage. I dont know if she can force child support since she lives in anothe country but of course he should send some support for the child. No he wont get much of a discount for being a student.
2006-11-02 13:06:08 · answer #2 · answered by elaeblue 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Go there both of you. I know this would be hard but children are so sweet. If he wants the baby then fight it. I think you go to the courthouse and get paperwork on child support and fill it out. Good luck.
2006-11-02 13:08:43 · answer #3 · answered by Jen 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well first off, ask him if he's comfortable with you going so you wont be intruding... you know? And I don't see a problem with staying with him if he cares about you, as long as he doesn't have feelings for his baby momma. Cuz that would be bad. And child support is based on his income... so if he's broke... it won't be too much. They ain't gonna make him pay money he ain't got.
2006-11-02 13:08:16 · answer #4 · answered by Misheee! 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
wow, what a shock he must be going through and his emotions must be out of control, if I were you I would want to be there for him too, he is now a package deal, his child will be in his life and yes he is probably going to have to pay child support, good luck to all 3 of you, and please remember his emotions are going to be out of control right now, have patience with him, whats important is him meeting his child and having a relationship with that child, and I'm sure he will appreciate you being understanding and wanting to be by his side through this whole ordeal, good luck to you and I hope everything works out the way its suppose to,
2006-11-02 13:11:48 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You do not get leniency on child support cuz you are in college. And I think it's good to visit.
2006-11-02 13:04:49 · answer #6 · answered by IMHO 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
well you should find it in your heart to love this child as if it were your own if you really love your b/f she is part of him. So if he in college you can get an audit go into the childsupport office and ask for an audit and explain your situation and how they can help cus he doesnt want this childsupport thing go into collections its a ***** Don't feel bad that he really wants to see this child.
2006-11-02 13:07:20 · answer #7 · answered by lilyangelita 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No discount for being in college, that I know for sure.
It is cool that you want to go with him, but please stay at the hotel when he goes to see his daughter. This is a real moment for the 2 of them to share. Support him in his decision to be a part of her life.
Having a ready made family is never easy but can be worth the challenge.
2006-11-02 13:05:43 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
well i think your doing the right thing by standing by his side and i'm not sure about the child support issues he would have to contact your local chid support agency. but i think it's grat that he wants to see his daughter. don't feel threatened just show him that your there for him and just tell himstraight out that you want to go with him to meet her and good luck.
2006-11-02 13:07:28 · answer #9 · answered by juicy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
oh man im sorry for you:( getting stuck in the middle of this! my suggestion is to just be their for him! if he makes plans to go tell him you would like to go to support him, even if it is just to be sure that's all he's going for;) as for the child support? lets hope they don't hit him to hard with it!
2006-11-02 13:10:28 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋