Does this sound right? Is the grammer correct?

Question

I used to stare at the pictures, until eventually I became sleepy; a trick that was very useful when I used to be too excited to sleep if Christmas was coming, or my birthday!

Answer 1

I don't think it is exactly incorrect, but it doesn't read very well. I think you have the sentence the wrong way around. I would suggest re-writing it as follows:

"If I was too excited to sleep because Christmas or my birthday was coming, then I would stare at the pictures until I eventually became sleepy. It was a very useful trick!"

Answer 2

it is too much at once and not broken up clearly. try something like this; I used to stare at my pictures until I became sleepy (a useful trick when I couldn't sleep from the excitement of Christmas or an upcoming birthday).

Answer 3

I would write:

I used to stare at the pictures until eventually I became sleepy - a trick that was very useful when I was too excited to sleep, say if Christmas was coming, or on my birthday!

(incidentally you are describing self-hypnosis.)

Answer 4

Not correct.
Change it to:
I used to stare at the pictures, until eventually I became sleepy; This is a trick that was very useful when I used to be too excited to sleep if Christmas or my birthday was coming!

Answer 5

Try rewording it. For example, "A trick that was very useful for the excitement of my upcoming birthday or Christmas was to stare at pictures until I fell asleep."

Answer 6

This is all about context. The way it's written suggests that the narrator is young, and if this is the case it's just about perfect; I can't think of a way to make it better. It is actually cleverer the way it's written than it would be if literary accuracy was the aim. The last half of it starts to feel slightly rushed, excited and - importantly - imperfect. I have a young daughter who, if she's describing to me an event she has enjoyed, will start to get words muddled as she relates the story to me. It gives me the impression that she's sort of re-living it while she tells me - which, of course, is exactly what she's doing.
You know, the more I read what you've written, the better it feels!

Answer 7

though the sentence is correct, maybe the first part could be written better. BUT WAIT... I would like to stress something positive: your use of the semicolon is appropriate. English writers have lost the ability to use this punctuation mark and break up everything into simple, one-thought sentences, as if readers had short attention span... which, sadly, nowadays is probably true.

Answer 8

Should be two separate sentences. Rewritten, first sentence should be: To become sleepy, I used to stare at the pictures [on the wall]. The second sentence seems okay, but is wordy.

Answer 9

I think the question should have read, "Does this sound right and is the grammar correct?" Not two separate questions.

Answer 10

There is nothing grammatically incorrect about the sentence. It is a little long, but that isn't wrong.