Marriage Counseling?

Question

My husband and I are having problems and are in agreement that counseling might help. We are simply not seeing things the same way and are not communicating effectively. It's very frustrating and it's taking a toll on our relationship. Will counseling help? Has anyone every seen a marriage counsellor? How do I pick one? How many sessions do we attend? Did it work for you? Any advice would be most helpful.

I'm up for it and I'm used to hearing bad things about myself (from my husband). I look forward to hearing from an impartial party, like a therapist. I wonder if my husband will be able to handle that, though.

Answer 1

Counselling can work, but you have to be in the right state of mind. You must be willing to listen, and change behaviour that hurts/hinders communication and your relationship.

Be prepared to hear things that can hurt. Both parties do things, many times on purpose, sometimes without knowing that hurt their spouse. You may find that both of you are doing it.

Both need to be preceptive-open and inviting to spouse
Be Receptive- if accept offer show appreciation.

It is not an expection that you will get the appreciation but it is empowering.
A: told my wife she looks awesome
B: she smiles, blushes and says thank you. So do you

A positive action & favorable repsonse allows both parties to feel good about each other and themselves. Works the same in sexual situations. Do something spouse response in favorable way, you can feel good that you made them feel good. Your action is what generated the response.

It starts to become a cycle of give and take between partners, (Que fireworks)
First thing that wife and I learned was to give without expectation or reciprication of any sort. YOu do it because you want to, to make your spouse feel good, wanted/pleasured etc. Not because you want a thank you, new dress or sex. Just because.

It is a buidling process, Homework will be required and you must participate and then apply what you have learned.

A good start to the process starts right now. Pick up the phone and call spouse at work. For no other reason then to say I love you. From this point on, make it your mission to take 1 min from yyour day to do something nice for each other. I love you call, love note in the lunch bag, start the car when its cold. LIttle things to make that person feel special and know that they are wanted, missed and supported (#1) and you will be there when they need you goes along way.

Good luck, sounds like you are already makeing progress. Acceptance and acknowledgement of mistakes means we learn from them That is the first step.

Answer 2

My husband and myself are in the process of marriage counseling right now. We have attended 4 sessions so far (weekly) and have committed to attend for a full year. I have never attended any type of counseling, so like you, did not know much about how to pick a cousnelor or what to expect, etc. I basically asked our priest if he had any recommendations of any counselors which he did. I can say that it has been a wonderful and rewarding experience so far. The number of sessions that you attend will depend on the stage of your relationship and how the two of you react to the counseling. I definitely think that counseling helps everyone involved. It has helped tremendously in our situation and we were basically finished except for the formal filing. I will tell you a few things to remember: (1) be prepared to hear negative stuff about yourself. You are going to say negative things about him, too, so do not get upset; (2) Be prepared to hear things that you do not want to hear. This was a tricky one for me. I ASSUMED that some things were going on in our marriage but whenever I heard the words spoken, it about killed me. (3) Be open minded. One thing that I have found it that what each of us mean to say, say, and have heard are all different. I might mean to say something, say something else, and then he interprets or receives it in a different way, which sometimes I think is completely ludicrous, but I have to accept that, as does he. (4) Do not expect change overnight. The saying "Rome was not built in a day" applies to this as well. We are continusouly working on things that we see as being negative in our marriage, and some of the bad behavior still exists. BUT, we are working on it.

So, my adivce to you is to GO. Right away. One of the most important decisisons that we ever made. And, to be perfectly honest with you, both my husband and I look forward to our sessions.

Good luck to you and GOD bless you as well.

Answer 3

Depending on you religious preference, you may be able to go through marriage counseling through your church. Otherwise select a few counselors in your area and see who you and your hubby feel best with. It may help if you each write a list of questions, issues and concerns prior to your appointment. Counseling definitely helps, getting someone from the outside, with a non-biased opinion will shed light on things you may not even realize are causing issues. As far as how many sessions, it's not a like a college course (though they do have those too) but in counseling you go until things are resolved and you feel comfortable. Wait until your relationship is to the point you and your hubby can say "ok" things are how we want them to be. You may also want to look into individual counseling if needed. Best of luck.

Answer 4

Counselors can give you tools to help you two communicate effectively; I have friends who work in that field. Yes, counseling can help depending on how much you two want to work with it because it will take both of you to want to do it and take both of you to continue to work on the marriage. I would talk to some other couples and see who is good in your area. The amount of sessions you go through will depend on you and your husband and how much work needs to be done to improve the marriage.

My husband & I have not seen a marriage counselor; although, we have talked to our minister and close couple friends. We have a pretty good marriage; although, there have been times I think it would be good to see a marriage counselor. We haven't because of our financial situation, so we try consistently to make our marriage work and make it better.

Good luck.

Answer 5

I would like to ask you what is missing in your relationship because "communication" is a very vague description. Do you and your husband respect on another? Do you take time to date one another? Do you ever just hold each other for 10 seconds to demonstrate your affection? Does one of you do all the giving instead of it being "give and take"? Do you each allow each other some room for your own interests? Are you both committed to your relationship? Does either of you let the other one walk all over them and do all the compromising?

"Communication problems" usually indicates that there are underlying needs not being met and that both partners have gone into defensive mode and are being driven by emotions, and thus they cannot communicate.

Answer 6

Yes it wil help
My wife and I attended counseling. I wanted sex more often than every other month. The counselor sided with her on this subject. Then asked me if I was having an affair and I said No but my wife said yes. We are now seperated and will divorce in 2007. The counselor sensed when I brought up lack of sex tthat I was asking too much that my wife will never give and steered us towards seperation.

Answer 7

Counseling can be very beneficial but then very costly. Many men aren't usually up to seeking a professional and with him agreeing to go is a plus meaning he does want to seek eye-to-eye with you. Councseling could be very beneficial as long as you both are open to the idea. My suggestion is to go and see what the outcome is. Remember, its not going to take 1 session to find out....

Answer 8

My husband and I have had problems and I found that marriage counseling can work., but the best of all is talking to your pastor if you have one or a pastor and pray and ask for god to help your marriage he's the best counselor of all. If you don't read the bible try reading it.

Answer 9

ya i would try Marriage Counseling lost of people have had to do it there is nothing to be ashamed of. it can really help you might go3 time and be done ! you never know but i would try !
me and my wife did and we are better for it !

there is wisdom in the counsel of many ! ♠

Answer 10

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