give my poem a chance...do you like it or dislike it?and why?

Question

if you love him this much
how come you look to me this way?
urging me to suffer,in such
temptation what am supposed to say?

........honey
to be on the safe side
we should never take this ride
it could be a real pleasure
but it will end with suffer

i do wanna hold you tide
and not letting you go never
so if you make up your mind
and you are ready to uncover

.....then
will you be my lover forever?

change the first lint to
if you love HER this much

Answer 1

I think you are really trying. I think if you keep it up that someday you may become a poem writer for Hallmark..I am NOT trying to be funny. I am answering you very seriously. But I would change a few things.

If I love him this much
How come he looks at me this way
Urging me to suffer in such temptation
What am I suppose to say.


See the difference hon. But it is your poem. And when a person is writing poems to me it's the same as painting a picture. You are in your own little world. You can do and say how you feel. But I do believe you are on the right track. Keep up the good work.

Have a great day.

Answer 2

in basic terms so i do no longer smash my ultimate answer as this is meant basically for people who can comprehend my magic. I did discover it off however the be conscious ensnare mandatory to be there so I figured i'm going to alter it because of the fact it did no longer sound good on the top of the final line. It can no longer get replaced as quickly as you draw close its actual course. you recognize there are no corrections in poetry if its an expression approximately you or something else. we are able to take Shakespeare for an occasion. #Laughter

Answer 3

needs a little work dosent make much sence

Answer 4

Sorry but I don't get it or like it.....