15 year old friendship over?

Question

I dont know what to do other than cry..
You willl have to read my other questions regarding this to understand it...
I found out one of the nights he hit her was the night my daughter was there, so I just told her today that I dont want my kids around him anymore & that If I am there & he shows up I will leave as well.
Well that really set her off, she said our freindship is over & to never call her again, I said ok if that is what you want then fine, that is what you will get & told her she deserves everything that happens to her if she satys with him...I am crying my eyes out for 1 the loss of the freindship & for 2 she is going to end up in the hopsital or dead...I am not the type of person to sit by and watch someone get hurt & not do anything about it, but I really dont think there is anything I can do for her anymore.. Was I wrong to say my kids will not be allowed over there if he is there

Answer 1

as a mother your first priority is to protect your children, you were right to not let them around him. Ido notagree with what you saidto her though, instead you should have told her that you are worried that something might happen to your children therefore you cannot put themin that situation. Also you should have said to her that "even though you are angry with me I am still here foryou if you need me" also that she is welcome to see the kids at your house. Try to call her and expain

Answer 2

Sounds like your friend needs help and support. I don't think you were wrong to say your children can't be around this person, they do NOT need to see such things, children have a hard enough time and seeing one person hit another is just added stress for them, plus you don't want your children growing up thinking that is an acceptable behavior. But if your friend wakes up and realizes this relationship is toxic and ends it I'd hope you won't hold what she said against her, she's probably very confused right now. And honestly I think you were wrong to say your friend deserves what she gets, no one deserves to be used as a punching bag. You apparently (THANK GOD) have never been in an abusive relationship so let me enlighten you a little. People in abusive relationships have been manipulated they are thoroughly convinced that they deserve what they are getting, he has played on her weaknesses and torn her down. But with help and support this woman can regain control of her life. If I seen a man hit a woman I'd call the police. She might be mad because you did it but if he's out of the picture she might get the help she needs. Her self esteam is really low right now, please try to remember that. Does she have children that are seeing this? If so do these children deserve to live like this? Someone needs to do something. Abuse is more often that not learned behavior and most abusers don't stop at the parent, after awhile he'll start on the children.

Answer 3

Without reading any other questions - your right to keep your kids out of a bad situation. You shouldn't abandon your friend though! You should let her know how you feel but let her know she can still call you if she wants/needs to. It's hard for a woman (especially with kids) to leave an abusive relationship. The abuser I'm sure has a big mental hold on her too. Even though it is bad that is still a roof over her head and her kids. She might feel she has no where else to go and/or can't take care of the kids herself. Maybe you could look into some possibilities for her as far as a realistic plan to live on her own. I'm sure he will not pay support. Assisted housing, food stamps, job assistance, child care help. There is a lot to think about when you raise kids alone! I had 3 (2,6 &10) when I finally got out of an abusive relationship. I had nobody to count on except myself - no friends, no family, nothing. It's now 4 years later and I finally have it under control but it would have been a whole lot easier if I had a friend of 15 years to count on for even just moral support!!

Answer 4

No your are 100% in the right to say your kids cant go over he is hitting her what makes you think he might not do sumthing to your kids. She will end up like you said maybe in the hospital but you did what a friend does you adviced her to leave him. She oviously didnt want to listen. But dont worry one day she will be knocking on your front door to apologize and tell you that you were right and she sorry and she should have listened to you. You did your part and dont regret anything because you did what anyother smart person would do. Let her be she is in denial and blind by obssession and no one can fixed that but time.

Answer 5

yes yes a thousand times yes. Any guy hits a girl is lower than whale sh!t. Don't let your kids around that behavior. If enough people back out of her life she might have to question why. If you know he is there and hitting her call 911 and say the noise is bothering you and get a few more pple to do the same.

Answer 6

yeah but it might not be that deep a level... you can beg all you like but if a kid wants to get bent he'll do it... all he needs is a coke can say or any paper... kids are creative. You didn't intentionally aid him seemingly, no did you give him much of an advantage really... so you can sleep easy... he'd be bent anyway... and you know... no real harm done. Pot is seriously nothing... it 's the other crap you;ve gotta worry aobut.. so chill... Ok?????

Answer 7

No you weren't wrong to not let your kids over there anymore..... you did the right thing your taking your kids out of a potential dangerous situation....now you need to talk to your friend.... you have to realize that she is blind right now and you need to help her see again. By you two not be friends right now, she will really cling on to this man who hurts her because she feels alone. Now you can't be her co dependent but you have to help her realize how dangerous her situation is right now. You have to let her know that you are there for her. Don't go to her house anymore but talk to her on the phone.... you have to let her know that if she needed to she can call you.... she is all alone right now. Also ...... you need to try and get her to go to counseling.... it could save her life. GL

Answer 8

no you were not wrong for not wanting your children to see that sort of behavior!!!! you have every right as a parent to not have them exposed to him and the way he is....if she thinks she "loves" him and is willing to put up with that type of treatment then she really needs some help!!!! I wouldn't give up on the friendship yet....when she gets hurt bad enough to finally leave him, she is going to need you more than ever....

Good luck and your friend will be in my prayers!!!!

Answer 9

you should tell her that you don't want to end the friendship but that the only reason you don't want your daughter around him is because you don't want anything to happen to her. she could end up in the crossfire between their fights and you want to prevent that. Have you told her that she deserves better because she should not put up with a guy that hits her and then defends him. She choose him over yoru friendship which sucks. but she'll regret it.

Answer 10

No. Your decision on that was totally correct. Your child should not have to see that at all. Her friend has no respect for her nor who ever may be around. Sorry to say your friend will have to make to decision on her own to leave. Eventhough you may not speak to her please be there for her when she do need you (unless she keep taken him back;you will want to show touhgh love then). Becareful because you do have a little girl.