I need some advice from women that went through leaving a husband. How hard was it to leave? What to do when it's hard for you to move on? What do you do when everytime you feel like you have enout courage to walk out of the door, you turn around and go back because you feel like it's too much to bear (feels like the death of a loved one)? Does marriage technically mean til death do you part no matter what kind of lying and decieving your mate is doing or how much you are in pain? Thanks.
2006-11-02 03:51:40 · 16 answers · asked by i have a taste for waffles 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I am a divorced woman with two older kids and remarried with a baby and, it is hard to seperate but if there is nothing left it's not worth it. The kids don't need to suffer and neither should you. The kids are going to learn from you that the way things are in your life are ok, and it's not ok if you don't want the same for them. It's hard at first but as time moves on you will adjust, believe me it is NOT the end of the world. Have friends? Use them for an ear, you will do some talking, it's theraputic.There are many other people in this world to meet than can and want to share the same qualities that you have and make a family again.
Best of luck. Keep you head up and smile!
2006-11-02 04:01:27 · answer #1 · answered by CLW 1 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Oh my god it was so hard. It took me a while. Once you have had enough though you will be able to do it. Try not to have contact with your mate for a little while it just makes it harder. Rely on family and friends to help you through this. You CAN overcome it. As far as staying you are the only one that knows whether or not you will ever really forgive him. If this is something you know you will never be able to do then you need to leave or you will only regret the time you are wasting with him. Believe me there are others out there that can make you feel wonderful and loved. I married the man I couldn't have been with 5 years ago last year. The only reason we weren't together before that was because of the past relationship I was in. It will get better I promise and your kids will appreciate it later as well, no one wants a mom and dad that deceive each other. They want a happy home.....
2006-11-02 04:08:18 · answer #2 · answered by crystalshannon516 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes, it's hard especially when you love the loser and having kids. But it's not impossible. But first you have to make up in your mind if this is really what you want. There are some marriages that can survive the lying and deceiving with help. It all depends on how long you want to put up with this type of behavior. I'm sure when we all take those vows, we mean every word we say but in this society things do happen to change the death til we part. If you have a close friend or minister that you can talk to or you can suggest to your spouse the idea of marriage counseling. Good luck.
2006-11-02 04:03:12 · answer #3 · answered by kitcat 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It took me 4 years to leave my husband who was having an affair (though he kept denying it). I finally got fed up with the lies and packed my stuff and our two kids (12 and 14 at the time) and moved out. He didn't think I was going to be gone for too long. We had been married since I was 17 and he was all I knew for all those years. He thought I would come back the minute the going got tough, but I had made a decision to never return no matter how tough the going got. I honestly say that it was very difficult at first, but I learned how to survive and bounce back. I focused on me and my boys and grew from the experience. When he saw that I wasn't coming back begging him to take me in, he "suddenly" had a change of heart and wanted to come live with me. Every fiber in my being wanted to take him back but I resisted knowing that I deserved much better. Thank God I didn't because he had never broken the relationship off with the other woman. I filed for divorce and 3 years later, I met a wonderful man who's crazy about me and loves my boys and treats them like his own. My boys also love my husband.
All that to say that it will be hard. There will be shedding of tears and many lonely nights. But hold your ground and let it build you and make you stronger.
My advise to you is this....If you're in a relationship where your husband is cheating on your, abusing you in ANY way (physically, verbal, emotionally, etc), then get out. Do it for you and do it for the kids. You deserve to be respected and honored and if you're husband has broken his vows, then you have every right to walk away with you head up high. Life goes on. In time, you will heal and you'll look back and ask yourself "what was I thinking"..."what took me so long?".
But, on the other hand. If you are just unhappy and you really don't have any problems with your husband, then I suggest you talk to him and try to make it work. Go to a marriage counselor and seek to bring the happiness and love back into your marriage.
Good luck!
2006-11-02 04:30:58 · answer #4 · answered by jazz_lover_25 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sweetie, the hardest part is facing yourself in the mirror when you come to the point in your life where you just cant do it anymore. My ex and I were together for 12 yrs with 2 kids. He has a very serious alcohol problem and after awhile I just couldnt live with all the problems that created. It was so hard to pack up everything and leave, but I did what was best for my kids and myself. Life has been an uphill battle every step of the way since then, but I am so much happier and for the first time fulfilling MYSELF for a change. The kids took it hard, but their dad never even calls anymore and we have moved on.Good luck. A big decision like this is never easy. Find your inner strength. Its there. I dont hate my ex, but I do love myself now. Hope everything works out for you.
2006-11-02 04:30:09 · answer #5 · answered by jenkins_nichole 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My husband left an unhappy marriage and he always, always comments on how he needed to go through that in order to appreciate the relationship we have. He will never take us for granted and is a totally different person than who he used to be. He has said to me, "I was a bad father and a bad husband because I was so unhappy," and he tells me stories about how he used to be and I don't even know that man. Your happiness affects everything around you, your family, your health, everything. Kids are very perceptive and even if you think they don't know, they do or will eventually figure it out.
What I am trying to say is that being unhappy and staying for the kids can be a distructive situation and that there is life after divorce. I am NOT telling you to get divorced, because I truely believe in marriage and that divorce isn't always the answer, but it is an option. You are stronger than you probably realize. Good luck :)
2006-11-02 04:12:26 · answer #6 · answered by Gonzo 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Leaving an unhappy marriage is the hardest thing I've ever tried to do. Notice I typed in 'TRIED.' I never actually made it out the door because I love the man. That's what sucks. No matter what he does or how he acts I do love him and I do want our marriage to work. I know in the back of my head that nothing will ever be good about our marriage, but I hold on anyway.
Leaving gets even harder when children are involved. My daughter loves her daddy dearly. They don't share a strong father-daughter relationship nor does he take up much time with her, but she likes the idea of us being in the house together.
Search your soul sister then give this problem to God. I have never been a every Sunday church goer, but I know that when things get too tough for me to handle I can give it all to God and he'll take care of everything. Maybe that's what you need to do.
2006-11-02 04:00:16 · answer #7 · answered by CyndiDrum 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I left my ex after almost ten years of marriage and four kids. He was cheating on me, doing drugs, and beating me. It was hard to leave. It took a year to build up the courage.
It will feel like a death to you...it is the death of a relationship. It will be hard but it will make you so much stronger. I too, struggled with the til death do you part aspect, but I know that God wouldn't have wanted me to suffer. You shouldn't have to suffer and be miserable when you could be happier alone or with someone else. It took three years but I met the man I do feel I am supposed to be with. He makes me so happy and loves me so much. He is also a great stepdad to my four girls. Meanwhile my ex is still miserable and living a crappy life as he deserves.
I hope you find the courage to leave. Think of your babies. If they are girls and you stay they look to their main male role model (their dad in this case) as to who they will want for a husband. Do you want them marrying someone like him? If you have boys, they will grow up to treat women the same way that their father does, do you want that?
Good luck to you.
2006-11-02 04:19:28 · answer #8 · answered by Christina W 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It was very hard since we had two kids. But it is not good for children to see fighting and arguing all the time. It's very scarey to get out there on your own again, but if you are not happy and you see no resolution to your problems it is best you move on. Women can be very strong when needed and you should have faith in yourselve to do as you need. It is never easy to break up even if you are not married. If you are not happy and your needs are not being fulfilled, you should move on. It's not a death of a loved one, its the death of a relationship. Good luck to you.
2006-11-02 04:07:05 · answer #9 · answered by notfreeinnh 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I've been married for 9 years. I've not had 1 good year with this man yet. We're not compatible. I love him cause he's the father of my 2 kids. I respect him since he pay the bills. But he's got the attitude that he can do whatever he wants to do since he pays all the bills. He doesn't like a lot of sex, I do. We don't communicate well. Budget...so much for that.
Let's just say that I was healthier, bubblier, and not as easily angered when I was single. I miss those days. I'm really here for the kids.
2006-11-02 04:38:38 · answer #10 · answered by Sweet T 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋