If you not inlove with your wife but cant stand to be away from your kids what can you do. Is it wrong to stay just for the kids or split up and be happy
2006-11-02 03:33:17 · 27 answers · asked by dunebugger 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
staying for the sake of the kids will not give them any benefit, as time goes on and your kids grow they will notice things arent how they should be and will in time feel awkward, and often end up rebelling against both parents, some even leave home asap, i know quite a few old school mates who had done this, growing up in the kind of environment that you have at home now.......
2006-11-02 03:51:08 · answer #1 · answered by Need_to_know 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I doubt the kids are benefitting from being in a family that isn't bonded and happy. If you're not in love with your wife, they'll feel that and they'll never know what they're looking for in a relationship because they've never seen it or felt it between you two.
If you leave, they'll have an adjustment period, but there are lots of situations where they'll have to learn to adjust.
Unfortunately, being the male, you'll not likely get custody, but you can make up for that. Visit every chance you get, not just when the court says you have to. Make sure you keep a friendship relationship with your wife so that you don't jeopardize your amount of time with them. If she has resentment, she may use the kids to get back at you, shortening what time she allows you to have. It's unfortunate, but possible. However, just a hint, if you get custody papers filed first and have the kids in your care, you will have a better chance. That's deceptive to her, but I guess it depends on what you believe you should do.
If you can move on and find a relationship that does make you happy, you'll be giving your kids the chance to see what a relationship should be about, making their lives fuller in the future. Just make sure you don't make a lot of relationship mistakes in front of them. You'll need to be secure and happy more than ever so they feel the same way during the divorce. And don't hook up with anyone else right away or in their presence, they'll see you as betraying their mom. NEVER say anything bad about their mom in front of them, keep everything positive, even when you don't feel it.
This is a huge step and it'll get hard before it gets easy. Your kids should be your number one priority at all times. And you should realize that finding a happy relationship is ultimately about them, making them happier, more secure and learning what real love is.
2006-11-02 11:44:03 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is very wrong to stay in a relationship for the kids. What would that be showing them? That you have to stay in a love-less relationship, just for the children? It is not a good idea, and later on, when they get older and you and your wife split up, they will feel responsible in some way. This is not the 1950's anymore, kids these days will be more understanding now and later on in life. Why have a "show marriage"? Be honest to yourself and your children. Good luck :)
2006-11-02 11:53:25 · answer #3 · answered by metallicachic82 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, it is not wrong to stay for the kids. Eventually you will have to decide what is the best for all. In my case my wife was emotionally abusive and distant to me (not the kids). I decided it was best that my children did not see her treat their father that way so I left. Fortunately she was a good mom. I moved to an apartment about a mile away and saw my kids a lot. Divorce doesn't end a family, it just changes it.
However, if you think you've simply "fallen out of love" I would hang in there. Start loving yourself the way you want to be loved. Love your wife the way you want to be loved. Love your kids the way you want to be loved. You may be surprised at how much love you start to realize!
2006-11-02 11:37:38 · answer #4 · answered by Brent 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Getting out of the marriage is the most honest thing u cud do for the kids, urself and ur spouse . My parents divorced when i was 9 and when my brother was 4 . Their have both remarried since and i have lovely half sisters n brothers from those marriages. both my parents are really happy now and they r great friends . Id rather see my parents happier apart then see them unhappy together . . i know my mom n dad still love each other in their own way and im totally ok with it ., im sure the kids ll understand later .. and soemthing can be workerd out so that both of u can be in th kids lives ,. my dad visits us regularly and when we were young he d stay with us everynite and put us to bed . now we visit him all the time n evryones happy that way .. no matter what a dad will always be a dad and a mom will always be a mom .. and the kids will love u no matter what .
get out of a bad marriage be4 it leads to more problems , fights . n unhapiness for evryone .. it ll hurt ur kids more to see u unhappy
2006-11-02 11:42:05 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It could cause the kids to be unhappy too. You can get divorced and still both be good parents. The one who moves out can still live close by. When my parents got divorced my father moved out but was still close and not for one second did he stop being my father. Nothing changed about the way he treated us or what he did for us or with us. It should almost always be about whats best for the kids ans sometimes its a divorce. If you two get divorced try not to put restrictions on visitation with the kids for the one who moves out and try to be civilized all the time.
2006-11-02 11:42:00 · answer #6 · answered by jaws65 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
do you think that the kids will be okay when you split up. my parents are splitting up but i think that things might have been better if they would have split up before. they got in to alot of arguments that made myself and my brother feel like we were at fault. sometimes we were the reason but not the rroot of the argument. if you and your wife argue a lot then i suggest that you split up and see how that affects your children. make sure to tell them and remind them that its not there fault.
and if you stay together then your children will know that you are unhappy. so its a lose lose situation but one might not be as bad as the other one.
2006-11-02 11:38:59 · answer #7 · answered by Daisy Carlos 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
WEll by staying in the marriage and not being affectionate can show the kids that you both are not loving towards each other and you don't want your kids to learn that! besides you both will be happier if u divorced. that way you are not staying in the marriage and are miserable. the children will be fine.
if the kids are younger then 4 or5 it's better to split now!
2006-11-02 11:37:11 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
That is a very sad situation. but there is nothing wrong if you love your kids that much. Explain this to your wife, though. does she feels the same way? marriage is a 50-50 relationship.
2006-11-02 11:37:26 · answer #9 · answered by daddeyzgirl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Stay for the kids, unless you and your wife are fighting. If you aren't fighting it'll be better for the kids to have a "normal" family. They need to see a stable parental unit.
2006-11-02 11:36:30 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋