Husband left me while pregnant to attempt to have a life w/his ex-wife. She just used him for all he was worth and sent him on his way. We got back together. I have forgiven him to the extent that I can and work on it daily. At times I feel he loves me and really feels remorse and tries to ease my pain, but...
My question is this, is it unreasonable for me to demand that he not speak w/her on the phone when I'm not around. He was on the phone for over 20 minutes w/her supposedly arguing yesterday. A lot can be said in 20 minutes. If he's over her then he should let her go and not feel passionately enough about her to argue like that! Am I wrong? I know I'm insecure and it hurts so badly. I want to let the past go but there she is ...in our lives! They have a child together so there is no hope for her to ever just be gone.
2006-11-02 03:23:43 · 25 answers · asked by Just Me 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
you're his wife, now and given the past I would demand that they only talk when it involves their child and with you there.If he has a problem with that I would wonder what those two are REALLY talking about
He left you for her once,so beware, sounds like he wants his cake and eat it too.
I hate to tell you, cause it hurts, but in my opinion, he's clearly not over her. If I was in your shoes I would be angry and insecure as well.I won't tell you ,you should leave cause that's easier said than done, when you love some one. But at least talk to him.
you can't control what people do, but you can control what you let them do to you.
2006-11-02 03:28:36 · answer #1 · answered by INSANE SUGARPUFF 6 · 2⤊ 1⤋
You sound like you want an honest answer so here goes. BTW, I am a man who has been married to the same woman for nearly 36 years and NEVER cheated on her.
If what you have written is anywhere near the truth, your husband is WAY WAY WAY WAY out of line. He needs a major tune-up or another place to live. Frankly I don't understand why you took him back in the first place. It seems to me you deserve better. Now if I could hear your husband's side of the story my whole attitude might change. The bottom line though is, even if what you wrote is inaccurate, it is what you believe and perception is reality to the one doing the perceiving.
When my first wife and I split up, I told her I would shoot her on sight. I have not seen or heard from her since and haven't missed the pain for one second.
2006-11-02 03:39:08 · answer #2 · answered by gimpalomg 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know how you feel, my fiancee kicked me out of the house when I was eight months pregnant. Then a few months later, wanted to get back together...I don't think so. I do not blame you for not wanting him to call her while you are gone, that seems a bit shady to me. Does he have kids with this woman? If so, then he needs to call and ask to speak with them, not talk to her about past stuff, or they need to keep the conversation about the children. If they did not have children, then what is the point of calling her? It is done, and should have been after the divorce papers were signed. He needs to re-evaluate his priorities, and needs to realize that you took him back, and respect that. Good luck sweetie :)
2006-11-02 03:37:33 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I really feel for you cause I've kind of been thru this with my husbands ex. When they have kids together they will always have to communicate with one another so she'll always be there for that reason. But I totally agree with you that there's no need for him to speak to her when your not around since there should be no secrets between them that you can not hear. She sounds like the type that is still holding onto him and probably using their kids as a way to get to him. I'm afraid you'll always feel that insure feeling as long as he continues to do things such as talk to her behind your back and such. So a lot is going to be riding on him making some changes. If he loves you he'll know that he betrayed you once leaving you for his ex and that it will take time for you to be able to trust him once again and feel secure. All you can really do is talk with him about your feelings and try to work something out between you both so you both are comfortable with things. good luck to you.
2006-11-02 03:37:03 · answer #4 · answered by ? 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You are one hell of a person taking him back.....theres a lot of fish in the sea but obviously you love this oak! So..you are in this & now is the time to work with it! They have a child so there will always be contact & arguments believe me as i,m in the same boat! Now as a man..for him to phone when you not around is wrong except if theres no problems & just to arrange to pic up the kid. You are in your rights...he has to stop it & help you get over your insecurities as he left you to go back to her. Should he not listen when you speak to him & carry on.....HELP HIM BACK HIS BAGS!!! Theres a lot of men out htere that would appreciatte a good wife!
2006-11-02 03:40:10 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
You and hubby aren't really on the same page. He's working 2 agendas and you are putting up with it.
Here's the solution:
1. Sit down and talk with hubby about what problems he is having with ex, and offer to help him solve those problems.
2. Tell him how you feel and Invite him to marriage counselling or a talk with your church pastor.
Once he involves you into the pattern and you understand his agenda, you should feel more secure about the whole thing and be able to have some input into the process. Good Luck
2006-11-02 03:38:23 · answer #6 · answered by snvffy 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I can't believe you took him back after he left you while you were pregnant. And now he's still talking to his ex? What's wrong with him? This guy obviously has absolutely no respect for you. Divorce him. He will still owe you child support when your kid is born. Make sure that you get full custody. You don't need this jerk to be involved in you life any further than just paying the bills.
2006-11-02 03:28:54 · answer #7 · answered by badkitty1969 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Ugh, what a bad situation you're in. Since they have a child together, they will always have to have contact. They are going to have to talk to each other about the child, but you are going to have to trust him at some point. That will be very difficult, because he's given you every reason to NOT trust him. If you can never trust him to talk to her, then you're going to be miserable, or you can end it and get on with your life. Personally, if he left you while pregnant, he's a pretty lame excuse for a man. I hope you're getting counseling to get over his betrayal. Good luck to you and your child.
2006-11-02 03:33:13 · answer #8 · answered by Astro 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Leave that RAT! That's about the worst thing a man could ever do. Leave is pregnant wife. You're carring his child and he took with his ex-wife. Catch him while he's sleep and Lourania Bobbit his a$$.
That's a lowlife dog of a man.
2006-11-02 03:36:42 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Give him a choice, YOU or HER! if he is over her then he needs to stop talking to her, dont even answer the phone when she calls. And for better of it all, dont go see her. I dont think he;s over her. You need to get him make a choice. or let him go.How do you know they dont see eachother when you are gone or he leaves and goes somewere? I wouldnt trust him just yet, Do a little undercover work yourself. find out what really is going on.You may thank me some day.
2006-11-02 03:36:42 · answer #10 · answered by mswildman2005 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋