Girls-is this normal behaviour???It's confused me....serious answers only please?

Question

When I mention the topic of commitment\feelings and relationships with my close female friend she changes the topic and won't speak about it,even though I'm not referring to 'us'.I only ask for her views,she goes quiet.WHY won’t she talk about this with me???

Recently she thought that I started dating a girl and she practically ignored me for a week and contact is still on-off,not like it used to be.Was this jealousy or just a coincidence?My behaviour HAS NOT changed towards her and I'm not actually dating anyone.I was told she is happy for me, if so,why wouldn’t she ask about this girl,seeing she’s a good mate?

Also when I joked she had a new boyfriend she shouted down the phone "what f**king boyfriend! There’s no one, I wish I had one,f**king hell".Why'd she get so angry?

Am to meet her this wkn,she said no serious conversations(referring to relationships\commitment\feeli... I believe),I asked her why and she’s gone quiet on me since.WHY?

Have I done anything wrong?

OTHER INFO:Might be useful....

I keep going out with my close female friend,(in touch practically everyday) we go to dinner, lunch together and for drinks in the evening. We also take roadtrips together to the coast and to the country for walks, usually followed by dinner and its just the 2 of us. While we're out we flirt, tell each other everything, feel very comfortable with each other, sort of act as a couple....

I've noticed that she does not like it when I mention other girls that have caught my eye, she changes the subject ASAP. When I mention if she's interested in anyone, the answer is always no,she hasn't pulled anyone when out,etc...we kissed once after 1 night out(a few months bck,very passionate) but nothing since (wud remain only friends),we just keep meeting up,in constant touch etc

She don't want to talk about it, what can I do if she won't speak to me?It's like she's pushing me away.At this rate the friendship will be getting damaged. How can I ask her to go on a date?we already go out alone!She knows how I feel about her,I'd be surprised if she didn't.

Answer 1

Duh, she likes you

Answer 2

She has her own fears of commitment, of 'seriousness of feelings,' she's afraid of feelings in some respect ~ which may or may not have anything to do with you. You, the topics you mentioned, could just be a catalyst for her that trigger those sensitive feelings (push her buttons) that make her behave so strongly.

Seems to me that you have two choices.

Both contain risks.

1: You simply say to her 'that you want to talk about the things that are important to you. But that you'll only talk with her about them when she is ready' .......and you then walk away.

2: You try to talk about what's important to you - adding that her 'behaviour' (upset feelings etc - chose your own words) upsets you, and that you really do want to talk....

Through either choice, you risk Not getting to finish what you started ...you may not see her again, and / or she may yell at you and walk away.

or - alternatively ~

3: You Do Not turn up.

4: Call her and Cancel - without a reason - why should you when she gives you no reasons?

Then ~

5: You 'Recognise' that you have not got the kind of relationship that you thought you had or want to have ....take from that lesson what you can, and then go on from there.

I wish you best of luck.
Sash.

Answer 3

What you have done wrong is ignoring all these signs.....
Women like to be mysterious, they set up expectation in their heads and if guys don't meet them they are disappointed....sure we should just out right be blunt and to the point, however that's not how we work.

She probably expects a bit of romance, like in all love stories or classical Hollywood tripe, she wants you to proclaim your undying love and admit shes the only one....

You're obviously not ready to do that and she may get fed up waiting. Being good friends is always a good base for a relationship, however your feelings towards each other will change and she will begin to voice her jealousy (which isn't always a bad thing) if you continue to look at other girls.

My advice is when you meet up to ask her straight out, would she consider being your girl friend? Start it slow and see how it goes....keep in mind if doesn't work you have lost a friend, it's very hard to be friends after sharing intimate experiences, but if you don't take the plunge and you start dating another girl then the other girl will probably not like you seeing the one your friends with now, considering the history......does that make sense?

You don't have to feel pressured and I bet she just wants you to voice any feelings you have for her.....hopefully you do have some! otherwise she has every right to feel a bit annoyed.

Answer 4

OK i'm going to have to agree with everyone else and say she probably has feelings for you.

BUT i will propose an alternative explanation, which is that perhaps she just has serious issues about the fact she hasn't got a boyfriend, and is lonely and insecure, but doesn't want to admit it (hence clamming up when you start talking about her love life) and really afraid that you will get a girlfriend and not be as close to you (hence never wanting to talk about your love life either).

I've known a lot of platonic male/female friendships that have gone very weird when one of them starts going out with somebody. Single men and women can have quite dysfunctional co-dependant relationships with each other, even if neither necessarily want to be a couple, and there is always the presense of fear that someone will come along for one of them and ruin the whole dynamic.

Answer 5

Ouch that's rough! She may have romantic feelings for you or she may just be jealous that you have a more prosperous love life than her. You haven't done anything wrong and she is acting pretty normal. My suggestion would be to write down what you're wondering and feeling to her in a letter. I know it sounds dumb but if you put it in a letter she can't change the topic or yell at you until you shut up. Mention that you're worried about the friendship you share and that you don't want to ruin that. If she is a good friend and your friendship matters to you'll she'll talk it out with you. Mind you she might get really mad and yell, so be prepared to give her some space and let her figure herself out then try again. Good luck!

Answer 6

It's clear that she likes you alot. As a girl that's just are way of saying that we're interested. If the feeling is mutual then I think you both should consider starting a relationship other than friendship. You don't want to wait 10 years from now and wonder about what could have been. Live for the moment now and if it doesn't work out at least you'd know that you gave it a shot. Who knows she may be your soul mate!!

Answer 7

Have you ever stopped to think that maybe, just maybe she likes you? I know it's not typical behavoir for a girl to do those kind of things, but she's probably jealous of the girls you go out with because she'd rather be the one with you. Do you have feelings for her like that? If so, maybe you should start talking to her about them. She probably won't tell you how she feels because she doesn't want things to change between the two of you. Commitment is a big deal for most women, so don't take it hard when a female doesn't want to talk about it. Depending on how she views the conversation, she might be too imbarassed to tell you how she feels about the issue. If she really likes you, then commitment isn't going to be something she'll want to talk about with you. Ask her how she feels about you, and really figure out how you feel about her. You might see that she'll open up more when she finds out things won't change...

Answer 8

The obvious answer would be that she likes you.

If not, she could have issues about being single that have nothing to do with you. Sometimes when people are unhappy they really don't want to hear about your happiness because it reminds them of how they're failing at something. If they're single and depressed about it they probably wouldn't enjoy giving you dating tips or hearing anything about your relationship unless it was that you got dumped. Even talking about "views" on relationships may just be a painful reminder to them that they don't have one.

It's very hard for me to hear about how my friends are all getting married while my boyfriend is in the process of breaking up with me. I don't want to hear about how nice their dress is or crap like that. I try to change the subject or I pretend I have no opinion. I feel angry towards them even though they didn't do anything wrong. I get annoyed even hearing them mention their boyfriend's names.

Answer 9

She WANTS YOU!! I say don't call or give her any fair warning just go to her job or somewhere that she is not likely alone any with rose (single red rose) tell her that you have true fealing for her and ask her to go out with you as a date ( specifie that this is not as just friends) the more confident you are and the more ppl that are around the more likely she'll say yes!!! honestly she wants you and more than that she wants you to want her!!! show her that she is important and you want more than an off on friendship and I'll bet she will melt rite in your hands!!!

Answer 10

you are being a typical male !!! - put yourself in her shoes .... have the same conversation but with yourself ..... rerun her reactions and comments and then imagine why you would react in that/those ways .... I don't doubt you will very easily and very quickly find the answers to the questions you are asking ..... the easiest way to 'hide' something is to put it in 'plain view' ..... to use a common phrase: 'you can't see the wood - for the trees.....'
Now....
Once you understand, and I am convinced you will, you then need to have a long chat with your friend about how you think and feel - not about 'other' relationships with other people .... but how you've totally screwed up with understanding her and your relationship with her because you've been so idiotically blind!!! .... (don't knock yourself tho' - most of us needed someone else to tell us exactly this before we woke up too ......)
Good Luck.....

Answer 11

hummmm well its obvious she likes you a LOT else she wouldn't get all uptight when you talk about other women. I would suggest seeing as the friendship is slightly rocky just now, sending her a letter telling her what you feel for her and what you want from your life & you really need to know if she wants to be a serious part of your life, then wait for the explosion & when she calmed down the TALK you both need...good luck honey, its gotta be done & ya know it has