I've been with my girlfriend for 5 years (since age 18) and I've always maintained that I wanted to marry her but I wanted to be financially stable abd able to support her. I could not respect myself as a man if I could not provide for my wife, so I've always said wanted to wait to get married till then. I am starting grad school and am about 2 years away from having a stable career; However my GF is getting impatient, and it is causing alot of of stress in our relationship. We are both students scraping by, should I just give and head down to the courthouse?
2006-11-02 02:32:25 · 20 answers · asked by James F 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Absolutely not. I was in the same situation. If she can't wait for you - she's not worth waiting for. My situation - Divorce. Should have dumped her.
2006-11-02 02:35:55 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
This is against the priniciple of Love, which should be the only reason to get married. Getting married to quell her impatience is just a bad idea. Eventually you'll regret it and the troubles will pile on. You're wise to want to "get all your ducks in a row". There will be expenses in married life, especially if and when the "little ones" start showing up. Money, they say, is the most common subject of arguments among marrieds, and the arguments often lead to divorce. Having money, and communicating well about that and all other subjects/issues, will smoothen the road.
Marry her if you feel that the relationship promotes growth, both hers and yours. Today, we have the luxury of marrying for this reason, as opposed to "biological-" or "social mandate". Take the luxury, and the time, to think this out well. Communicate this with her now, rather than later.
My wife and I are "poor" but educated: we communicate well and although we can't afford big things yet, we never argue about "not having" (stuff or money). So far, it's been a Cruise!
By the way, check out Kaplan Publishing's book On the Road: Getting Married, about finances for married people. It's eye-opening. Also see: 100 Questions to answer before you get married (or something like that) -- I haven't read it, but I think it would be good for anybody considering the Leap.
Good Luck!
2006-11-02 10:46:13 · answer #2 · answered by RolloverResistance 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should do whatever makes you both happy. I understand your wanting to support and provide for her, but she seems to be ready and five years is ample time to build a solid relationship. I got married after four years with my boyfriend. I too was very impatient at the end of the second year even.. I was ready and so was he so I didn't understand why we had to wait until we were financially stable. I thought we were. If a large wedding isn't your style or just cant afford it right now then yes, go to the courthouse. If anything you could have a large wedding later. Good Luck!!
2006-11-02 10:37:43 · answer #3 · answered by Happy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, sit down with her and let her know that you have every intention of getting married to her, that you love her, but the fact that the both of you are both students and scraping by right now and you feel that would only bring stress and struggles into your marriage. Don't give into the pressure, because it will effect your studies, your relationship and not in a good way. Ask her why she can not hold out until you finish grad school...
2006-11-02 10:39:00 · answer #4 · answered by Suthern R 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hurry up? You've been dating for 5 years. In two years, it will be 7. I'd be getting impatient, too, if I was her. And you are counting your chickens before they hatch when you say you will have a stable career in 2 years. You can't know that for sure. No one is promised tomorrow and you never know what could happen in the next few years. If you don't have a better excuse, and you love her and you want to spend the rest of your life with this woman, then what are you waiting for?!
2006-11-02 10:44:01 · answer #5 · answered by OOO! I know! I know! 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Marriage has Jack **** to do with Love and happiness. It is a legal contract between two people disguised as love. You are smart to want to wait until you are better equipped to get married. Get a prenup also, because no one plans on getting divorced but it happens and when it does she will try to take anything she can get when she leaves. why is she in such a rush to get married anyway? You are still very young and the younger you are when you get married the more it sucks and the harder it is to stay together. Don't let her pressure you into it. It seems to me that she thinks that marrying her will prove that you love her and if that is what it takes for her then you need to think about it allot more. make sure you don't rush into it because the consequences are greater than its worth. Remember you not only marry the person but all their bills and money problems too.
2006-11-02 11:26:28 · answer #6 · answered by logisticswizard 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is no shame in a long engagement. This something you two can discuss at length. Perhaps propose and set a date for two years from now. You are starting graduate school--it's going to be pretty stressful for the next two years. Don't comprimise your values (of providing for a wife, as you said) for impatience, as you have a long life ahead of you. If she will be a good companion, she will wait.
2006-11-02 10:42:38 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
No! you are obviously not ready and she's throwing a temper tantrum...remember you should really want this for you too. I think you should finish grad school and then get married. Mean while if she is impatient, let her go..she was not good for you anyway!
Never rush marriage..it's a big committment and you want to make sure you have a partner that will stand by your dreams....
2006-11-02 11:11:03 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
You guys have been together 5 years. Aren't you scrapping together,now, anyways? It's just a piece of paper, is it really worth losing her over this? She loves you, obviously regardless of you being poor, that should tell you something. ALL woman aren't about material things. If you love her, go ahead get married.Being together during rough times will make you closer, later on you can say...remember when we lived of ramen noodles?Having a bunch of money has nothing to do with manhood anyways, honey.There's a lot of loaded guys out there that will never be men!
2006-11-02 11:10:27 · answer #9 · answered by INSANE SUGARPUFF 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you both want to be married, go for it! You can provide for each other while you are both in school. It seems like a perfect situation.
Then, when you both graduate, you can change the situation if neccessary. If you plan on having kids and she wants to stay home to raise them, you will most likely have a good idea on how to run a marriage and a household and you should be making enough to support your family on one income.
It sounds like a great plan to me.
2006-11-02 10:39:34 · answer #10 · answered by mutherwulf 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Marriage may affect your financial aid if you are receiving any, keep that in mind.
Have you officially propsed? Get her a ring and show her you really mean it when you say you want to get married. Even if its just a promise ring until you can afford to buy her the ring you really want.
Even set a date for after your anticipated graduation. This way she can start picking out invitaions, colors, dresses, event accessories, where to have it, who will be in her wedding party. It will give her plenty of time to plan her dream wedding. If you go along with and participate in all of this planning she will know you are serious about wanting to get married.
2006-11-02 10:37:41 · answer #11 · answered by Liz 3 · 4⤊ 0⤋