Do you think smacking a child is necessary, in order to form stable, decent young adults, or is it child abuse

Question

A report came out today stating that British teenagers are the worst behaved in Europe. Do you think this is down to a lack of discipline as youngsters, or is there some other reason? How can we reduce the number of 'yobs' on the streets of Britain?

Answer 1

Answer:

No I don't, but yes I do in some cases depending how it's done.
I'm sorry, this is going to be kinda long...

I'm not from Europe BTW, but I think this fits in here so please bare with me.

I come from a family where you were beat for almost any reason: chewing gum too loud. Laughing too loud. Getting a B in a report card. Sleeping too long. Saying the word "No" to your parents, getting beat up by someone and you come home just to have your mother beat you up because you got beat up by someone else. The list goes on, but I won't bore you with the details.

Unfortunately I was beat a lot. Maybe I was a hard to teach child but I tell you I got beat almost every day from the age of 5 to the age of 14. I was not a bad child, I was just hyper-active and back then people didn't understand what that meant. I also had vivid imagination which clearly set me apart from my family.

Through all the weirdness and the hard times, I actually was a very happy little kid, but my mother was angry and she hated the world...she especially hated men, and unfortunately for me resembled my father who had abused my mother and then left her with 5 children to take care of by herself. BTW if you ever wondered why Black women have a problem with Black men, it's because Black men did this sort of thing a lot in the 60s, 70s, and 80s.

So since I resembled my wayward father who abused my mother and left her, my mother was angry all the time, and she would beat the males in the family for all kinds of crazy reasons and I got it the worst.

She never beat you to teach you a lesson, or to show you where you were wrong, she beat you as a way to vent her frustrations out on men and life in general. You could tell this by the way she was sort of off in her own world while she was beating you.

Also, when I say she "beat" you, let me describe what I mean by that. She never spanked you. A spanking would have not have even been noticed that family. When I say she beat you, I mean she really beat you. A beating in my family was a whole, family experience. I think this was the only activity that we all participated in together.

Everyone would show up in the kitchen along with the person that was unfortunately picked to be beaten (which was always me). That person had to strip down to their underwear, and then the family members all would grab an arm, and legs so that their was no way that the person could escape. They would all hold you down, and then the mother would come out with an extension cord and she would beat you for 5 minutes, and if you didn't cry or scream she would beat you for 10 minutes, and then after that you got to sit in your locked room without food for the remainder of the day and night. This was a standard ritual in my sick family. It was years later that I found out that not all families behaved like this. I thought this was normal for a long time.

All of these beatings did not stop me from getting into trouble at all. All it taught me was that my mother was sick, and it also taught me how to endure pain. I still shop-lifted as a child, and I still made every mistake that a child could make. No amount of beatings could ever increase my grade point, or make me a better person. No amount of beatings could ever have made me a good citizen of Earth. No amount of beatings could have ever taught me to be respectful, or a responsible member of society.

Beating a child or a teen without love involved is an empty act. Telling a child that they are bad or are a waste of genetic material does not make that child learn. That child will only learn to hate themselves and think that hey are bad. What my mother did was not discipline, so I didn't learn anything of value from her.

If you ever wondered why so many black men and teens are so mean and act they they don't give a crap, you will find out that they were treated like me when they were younger. We were taught to be this way, and it was reinforced out in society later.

Now here is the part NO ONE will like to hear, but it is a truth that I have to admit here.

My mother died when I was 16 years of age. I was glad because she had beat me up for so many years. I did not love her. I ended up on the streets of this city. I was on the streets for 2 years. A friend of mine who found out that I had no home contacted his family, and his family came and got me. I lived with them for 5 years.

Within that 5 years I was loved, taught, instructed, disciplined and nurtured. I was hugged, I was included, and I was was told that I am a good person with potential. This family gave me foundation, and they gave me hope and a future.

This family who helped out this terribly screwed up, totally confused and abused Black kid were a family of White people who also were Christians. If it hadn't been for them I would have turned into a mean criminal and would without a doubt be sitting in prison today, or drugged up in a mental institution, or dead, but from these people I learned responsibility, Iearned how to love. I learned how to reason, I learned self discilple, and a whole lot of things that my original family could not or would not teach me.

This White family gave me a belief in Jesus and they gave me hope, and not once did they ever hit me or put me down...not once. They taught me with love.

So I guess my point is that you can beat your kids all you want, but I doubt they will become decent citizens that way. You could let them know how much they mean to you. You could also point out that you only want them to make something of their lives. You can take them to areas of your city to show them people who are having a rough go at life because their parents didnt do right by them. You could take more time to be with them.
You can tell them you love them.

Beatings without love is not enough to make someone a good, responsible citizen.

Answer 2

No, smacking a child isn't the problem. Discipline overall is. The cultures of the UK and the US both are based on rude young adults. Look at the cartoons and the sit-coms. I certainly wasn't taught to behave that way and I didn't teach my children to behave in that manner; yet as I shop or go about my daily life I see the same thing you do in London -- yobs. (ah, no longer a Dr. Suess word). They have been allowed to get away with their behavior from their parents, their teachers and their culture. I've always said that a child is like a puppy: it needs to be taught or it'll piddle on the rug. I don't support beating but I do support needed discapline. There's a difference. Unfortunately, my "Mom-look" gets used much more than it should be. Good luck.

Answer 3

Don't mistake "discipline" with beating. You can discipline a child with love and explanation to where he/she will still behave when you're not there. That's the true definition of a well raised child. If your child is beaten into submission, he'll only wait for the opportunity of not being caught to do whatever and a few more to spite that abusive parent behibd the parent's back. A thinking and caring citizen is one that's raised by non violent, but strict rules that if not obeyed lead to a taking away of previleges. Those kids will learn about real consequences and their civility will be deep and ingrained and from the inside rather than out of external fear.

Answer 4

When i was young I got a smack off my parents if I did wrong or answered back and It never did me any permanent harm, I also brought my children up the same way, and always explained to them why they had got the smack, my generation and my children's generation have grown up to be well behaved youths and adults, but the Youths and young children of today, are out of control, disrespectful, nasty (not all of them), in my opinion this is because parents are not allowed to smack there own children, also in my opinion, parents of today do more shouting at there children than we used to and it is always something along the lines of (I told you to get here you F***ing little S** or You Stupid little S**t) this to me is worst than a quick smack, and is also mental abuse and mental abuse never goes away, but you always forget what the smack felt like, so to me I would rather smack or be smacked. The kids of today are the way they are because they lack discipline, and are verbally abused.

Answer 5

I don't think smacking a child is 'necessary' as such. Just look at the results Jo Frost (Super Nanny) gets without ever laying a finger on them. I don't think there is anything that wrong with smacking your child on the bum every now and then - I don't think it's abuse or anything - but you can get the results you're after without resorting to smacking.

It seems to me that the key to having obedient children is to follow through with your word. Warn children they will be punished if they behave badly, then follow through with that punishment if they test you, so that they know you're serious.

Also parents, take responsibility for your kids! Don't expect teachers or governments to do the work for you! Send time with them, take an interest in them and don't let them sit in front of the telly all day.

And stop trying to be buddies with them. They need role models thay can respect. I'm not saying don't be close and loving with your kids, just don't try and be all cool and hip and mates with them. Be strong, responsilbe parents.

Answer 6

In the name of Allah the most Merciful the Most Gracious. Firstly brother ,why are you pointing fingers at Islam and Muslims.Your question should be to all faiths in General.This is the major problem which we have been pointing out time and again.The followers of other religions get away with murder but only that is high lighted what Muslims do??? All followers who practice religion make it a point to guide their children towards their religious beliefs.Do we not start teaching our children about worldly matters,education,etc at an early age??/then what is wrong in educating our children towards religion as it is the first step of moral behavior.Yes indoctrinating into them religious fanaticism is wrong,!!! If you do not have the intellect to grasp the truth of islam then you are the looser.But we know our beliefs and we know the truth,because islam is not based on made made doctrines and concepts.You may find hundreds of Mistakes in the bible so you may raise questions against these inconsistancies,But that does not mean you can point fingers at Islam.I challenge you to read the English Translation of the Holy Quran and find one Mistake in It as regards to any topic.This is our Confidence.Do not confuse the behavior of some Muslims with that of Islam As Muslims we have been adviced by the Holy Prophet Muhammad{peace and blessings be upon him] to guide our children towards Prayer from the age of 7 and make sure that they begin practising at the age of 10,Once the child passes maturity the prayer and all acts of worship becomes compulsory. That is why today we leave what ever we are doing as we find the time and pray 5 times a day,while others cannot pray even once a week???Due you believe that all our efforts towards following God commandments are going to go waste,Then surely you will be the looser on the day of Judgment.Search for the truth my friend and you will achieve happiness in this world and the next.!

Answer 7

Our society is very anti kids in every way. We exclude them - we, as adults, drink, smoke, have sex, watch movies, drive, etc etc. Kids between the ages of 11 and 8 are in ilimbo.
The whole of society is rotten, if we give them a better example, if we provide them with happy productive homes, if we make sure our entertainment is a good role model, if we didn't encourage them to have sex, swear, be disrespectful etc etc maybe we woulnd't have so many problems.
It's a lack of interest in our children that is the problem. The world is rough - they want to be grownup. And grownup to a kid is being rude, swearing, being drunk etc etc. Hey, why are we surprised when this is the example they learn from us?
I don't think smacking is the answer (although I'm not against smacking as part of discipline) - I think a good, happy home is the key. With a father and a mother, who care.

Answer 8

Most British teenagers don't have enough respect for adults, they treat their parents like **** and their teachers worse, I blame the parents as they haven't issued the right amount of discipline to their children. If mine have been out of line or been in any form of danger I have smacked them on the bum. That is NOT child abuse.

Answer 9

I have smacked my child and, whilst I don't think it is always necessary, I think parents should have the right to chastise their own child if they deem it absolutely necessary. The way to reduce yobs on the streets of Britain is to build more jails and lock them up and make sure they serve the full term that they are given. New Labour - soft on crime, soft on the causes of crime.

Answer 10

I believe it is up the parents. Personally we were spanked growing up (not hard) but it sure brought us back to reality real quick on what right and wrong are. As for reducing the lack of discipline I think that we as a society need to stop being such a group of suing, sniffling, cry babies that can't accept any of our wrong doings. As a whole the world is becoming a bunch of weenies.

Answer 11

Hell, half the stuff my mom did to me could be construed as child abuse but it worked. I made the mistake of cussing at her and now I know what liquid dish soap tastes like and exactly how long it takes to get out of your mouth. I got the switch, the paddle, the belt and the bare hand all across my bare backside at one time or another. I did what I was told not to do and paid the consequences. I think discipline is a must. Children must be made to learn that there are real consequences to their actions. There is a fine line between that and abuse though.