my mom n dad are giong thru a nasty divorce right now but are still living together, so obviously things at home are a little tense. i dont live at home anymore. my boyfriend finally proposed to me the other day after 2.5 years of dating and i said yes (yay!!). the date is not for about two years (until i'm out of college).
how do i announce it to my parents? especially my mom, who has been very bitter about the divorce, telling me advice like "never get married." and stuff like that. i want to tell her. both of my parents really like my fiance. what do i tell her? do i set them both down and tell them? has neone else ever dealt with a similar situation?
2006-11-02 02:19:31 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Note: we are a non-traditional couple and prefer not to ask my dad for MY hand in marriage, as he doesn't control my life. as it stands, an engagement is about us. yes, I know i could just stick it to my mom and tell her to bite me if she doesn't like it, but i love her and feel for her and want to be sensitive to her situation as well.
2006-11-02 02:25:48 · update #1
Sit them down and be compassionate and sensitive to their issue. You can even preface the big news with how sorry you are that they are going through so much right now with this situation, and while they may having negative feelings about marriage, it just so happens that so and so and I are engaged and are happier than ever.
I mean you don't know how they're going to react, and your mom may actually put aside all her bitter feelings because she'll realize how great this is. Just be sensitive to their situation and tell them the truth and what unfolds unfolds...you will work it out when it happens. If you feel like it's becoming a discussion in which you have to defend your decision, you can just say, "well, I didn't ask you for your permission, I just wanted to tell you about this wonderful new chapter in my life...and, I'll talk to you both later!" Good luck!
2006-11-02 02:32:43 · answer #1 · answered by ixi26c 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You shouldn't feel like you have to hide your happiness just because things with them aren't so good. Even married people who aren't divorcing say "never get married" Tell them, together or seperate, doesn't matter. They need some happiness right now and if they love you, which I'm SURE they do--they will set aside their own problem and be happy for you. Your kids getting married should always be a blessed event. Who knows, maybe working together a little and communicating will calm down their situation also. Congrats and good luck!!
2006-11-02 02:27:46 · answer #2 · answered by bunya00 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell them separately. Let them know that you know they're going through a difficult time, but you love them and really couldn't sit on the news. If they begin to launch into bitter attacks on marriage or the other parent, let them know that you'll talk to them again when they're ready to be happy for you. Tell them you love them, but your engagement has nothing to do with their bitter divorce, and they have two years to get a grip and be civilized.
They may or may not behave, which would be sad if they don't. Whatever you do, don't let your upcoming wedding and marriage become the new battleground for them. Put your foot down. Continue to love them, but not at the expense of your and your fiance's happiness.
Good luck and congratulations!
2006-11-02 02:27:47 · answer #3 · answered by Le_Roche 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell them together sitting down at a family talk, if you can, because that way there won't be anything to say "You knew about this first... you told them before you told me..." and all that. Plus, if they're fighting, and then neither aprove of the marriage, you may be in hell, but they could find some common ground that'll make the divorce easier. I know my parents had to find common ground in me to get through the bull with the property agreement. And I'd tell them, because this is wonderful news! And of course you want to share it with your family and be happy with them about it!!!
2006-11-02 02:24:06 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should tell them separately so there is not any conflict with them. I think that your Mom is just upset that she is getting divorced and she may not seem happy for you at first but by the time the wedding comes around her divorce should be final and she should be moving past it and I think she will share in your joy with you. Congratulations!!!
2006-11-02 02:23:44 · answer #5 · answered by cmsmith114 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You tell her outright. When she says things like dont get married you tell her you dont want to hear it. Divorcing parents should never ever make bad comments about their marriages to their children. Especially to their children as those kids still love both parties.
2006-11-02 02:22:29 · answer #6 · answered by fortyninertu 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You need to sit them down at the same time and announce it to them both. If either one of your parents start to talk negativly about your upcomming marriage you need to make it clear that your fiancee and you are not your parents and that any negative comment in that line is not appreciated. Tell them that you would like their support with your engagement and their love. Good luck to you and your family
2006-11-02 02:31:26 · answer #7 · answered by mshellrosie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would take them out to dinner one at a time. First in public she may be less likely to make a scene. Second just tell her you know how much she has been hurting but y'all are taking your time, and tell her your plans.
Same for dad.
2006-11-02 02:33:31 · answer #8 · answered by Liz 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well if your man had done the proper thing and ask your dad FIRST then you wouldnt have to tell your parents. But for the sake of arguement sake, just tell them, they may be happy for you despite their current situation.
2006-11-02 02:23:21 · answer #9 · answered by Saint 5 · 0⤊ 2⤋
As it is two years away , I would wait a year or so until the divorce
is over ....
2006-11-02 02:22:05 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋