Not a bad guy, just a terrible husband and father.
I really want my husband out of my life so that I can get a fresh start and give my daughters a better idea of what being in a relationship is all about. Married 17 yrs, 2 early teenaged kids, no cheating (at least I think not!), 13 years w/o ANY physical contact. Think I'm pissed off and ready to move on.....you bet!
He leaves at 6am & comes home after 10pm after a 80 min commute. Years ago, I thought this was a phase - hard work to advance on the corporate ladder. Things got better but since moving to NY he's become a total workaholic. He manages a sm. dept. Manage is the wrong word, because usually he is the only one there and work manages him. He's had addiction issues in the past (smoking, adderall-my daughters, cocaine-years ago). In front of other's he DENY's that he works those hours. He GETS ANGRY if I EXPOSE him. He BREAKS COMMITMENTS, he calls to say he's leaving shortly & doesn't. ADDICT. How do I get him out??
2006-11-02 02:12:24 · 11 answers · asked by flopsybunny99 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Do you want to divorce him?? Or just have him move out? Anyhow I am a workaholic wife and am not surprised that your husband has had prior addictions. Work is a "drug". For me my marraige is not good, so I use work as an escape. It sounds like your husband is not happy at home either. If you have not had any physical contract in 13 years I would bet your husband has had a relationship or two.
Talk to your husband. YOu have too and do it without your kids around. Try to respark your marraige if you want to save it. Buy some Victoria's Secret and spoil him in the bedroom. You may be pleasantly surprised . He may race home sooner to greet you.
If the marriage is totally not salvageable then divorce. He may not cooperate. Before you make the jump, read books on divorce and get advice. I have seen many women jump fast into divorce and they didn't "plan" ahead.
If you don't have a marketable skill in the workplace, than go back to school while you are still married, save up a nest egg he doesn't know about.
Lastly take care of yourself. Make yourself healthy inside and out. A woman with self esteem is very attractive to the opposite sex. Buy some new clothes, diet if you need too, exercise is important too---it is a stress reliever and makes for a tighter body.
Good Luck.......I hope you and your husband can work it out. If not I hope you find a wonderful new guy to share your life with. 13 years is too long not to love and be loved !!
2006-11-02 02:34:26 · answer #1 · answered by KuteKaboose 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Boy. What a mess. If he gets angry, it's got to be because either (1) he knows you're right, or (2) he's hiding something. Anyone who would stay away from home that long has a problem. Tell him point blank: you're sick of the whole mess and when he leaves again to take ALL his things and STAY at his job, or whatever. That if he comes back the locks will be changed and the rest of his stuff will be on the porch. You must sit down and talk with your children and tell them how you feel and what is happening and listen to their concerns, if they have any. Sounds like they probably don't know their own dad anyway.Thriteen years with NO physical contact? I'm surprised you lasted this long. Good luck.
2006-11-02 02:19:51 · answer #2 · answered by blondee 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ooh, I'm so sorry to hear that. Sounds like he's terrified by your being pregnant. Some guys just blow up when their woman gets pregnant. It's like a mental load that just blows their minds. Too bad. Not healthy for you, either. Is there somewhere safe you can go with your unborn baby? You need some nurturing. Is he freaked about money or something? Even if he is, he should be able to be affectionate with you. If he can't cope, ok, he can let you go before the baby comes, and maybe you can find another husband who can be a father to the child. Being neglected when you're pregnant is not safe, it is not pleasant, and it can affect your health and happiness, even your relationship with the baby after it comes. Is there somewhere you can go and get counselling? Or just go, have a calm, safe pregnancy, and then rethink your life and marriage? A lawyer will advise you about child support and separate maintenance. Again, so sorry to hear this. Hope he comes out of his "state" before it's too late.
2016-05-23 16:43:17 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hire an attorney. Filed for divorce and get a temporary restraining order to get him out. Then you'll end up with a court date and the judge will determine who stays in the house, most likely you with the kids so they wont have to be uprooted from their schools. He will need to be allowed to come and get his personal belongings, or at least clothes and things but normally a police officer can come with them.
2006-11-02 02:19:14 · answer #4 · answered by rdnkchic2003 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like he has replaced his other addictions with work. Have you tried to talk to him, explain that you are tired of living your and raising your children alone? Will he see a marriage counselor in order to save the marriage? If not then file for the divorce even if he is still living there, the court will decide who has to move and will enforce their decision.
2006-11-02 02:30:26 · answer #5 · answered by brendagho 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Is the house (or apartment) in his name, in your name or in both. If the place of residence is in his name then why don't you be the one to leave? Do you have any friends that can help you without your husband finding out?
2006-11-02 02:23:16 · answer #6 · answered by cfalways 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
pack up this things when he is away at work, and one day, have the locks changed on the house with his belongings boxed up out front.
2006-11-02 02:15:56 · answer #7 · answered by Jennifer L 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well yes u deserve sex so just sit down with him and explain all this to him and tell him either give you attention or u cant stay togethr!
2006-11-02 02:16:50 · answer #8 · answered by jessy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Throw all his belongings out. Change all room and front and back door locks. Don't allow him in.
2006-11-02 20:11:53 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
What are you doing with him yet? Do you know that you live only once? Start to think on your own, he is married with his work, not with you.
2006-11-02 02:24:52 · answer #10 · answered by northener70 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋