How do I stop hating my neighbour?

Question

My next door neighbour sold me the house I now live in but left the house in a state and had the cheek to move only next door.
I've had words with him but now ignore him.
The only problem is that I think I've become obsessed with revenge.
He is constantly in my head.I'm always thinking of ways to get my own back and have to mentally restrain myself from attacking him when I see him.
Are then any mental exercises I could perform?

Answer 1

move house

Answer 2

Hi there! It's all a matter of perspective and, although these things can be difficult. However, we may not be able to change the situation, but we can change the way we react to it.

You've obviously recognised that thinking hateful and revengeful thoughts doesn't hurt the other person or affect them in any way other than perhaps to exacerbate the situation. It's also incredibly draining for you and part of a negative train of thoughts.

To put it in perspective, harbouring resentment like this is a bit like taking poison yourself and hoping it will make someone else sick!

You can start by using a simple NLP technique each time negative thoughts come into your head about this person, tell your mind to stop and replay your thoughts in the voice of your favourite cartoon character or comedian. It's pretty hard to take these thoughts seriously when you hear them played back in Donald Duck's voice!!

Also, visualise yourself having a happy and friendly relationship with this person. Even if they didn't leave the house in a good state, you like it now and it's much nicer if you get on with neighbours. Picture in your mind's eye how you would feel if you really get on with your neighbour and see it and feel it as clearly as you can. spend about 10-20 minutes on this each day.

Also make a list of all the things ou like about where you live and what is happening in your life at the moment and spend 5 minutes or so contemplating that each day. It helps you to get into a more positive frame of mind.

It sounds over simple I know, but believe me, these things work. It's all about telling your subconsious to be positive and when it is, positive actions and results generally follow. I know this because I've used these techniques myself and have tremendous success with my clients using similar ideas.

This person is probably not a bad person, they just have different values and standards to yourself, but it doesn't necessarily make them wrong and almost everyone has something good about them.

Why not try to find what's good about your neighbour by burying the hatchet and inviting them round for coffee or a pre-Christmas drink (if you celebrate Christmas). The more positive you are and the less you allow yourself to dwell on past events and negative emotions, the better the results are likely to be.

Let me know how you get on and best of luck.

Annie L

Answer 3

One would think that you saw the house before you bought it.

You bought the house as it was, am I right?
You paid the price that was asked, did you not?
Was it a fair price?

Spend you energy on fixing the house up, not on seeking revenge.

There is nothing wrong with clearing the air with your neighbor & telling him how you feel. But you have to do it in a calm way, & that now you want to put your hard feelings behind you & be a better neighbour.

Answer 4

So he moved next door, so what? If he left it in a state, tidy it up; people always leave the house in a mess. If you can't get past this, move house; life's too short for petty revenge, and it will always come back to bite you.

Answer 5

Try using relaxation techniques. Also go to a secong hand shop and buy oads of old oddment s of crockery and have a smashing time. Its a great way to vent your anger and see something for your efforts.
This type of emotion can eat you up which it sounds like it is and its not good for your health. Just learn to smile at him even if you feel like strangling him and feel proud of your achievement. The simple act of smiling can lift your mood.
Or if nothing else works MOVE

Answer 6

totally sympathize with u. u have been short-changed.
and it wud not be easy to get over such a guy. the guy is most probably seeking attention and has been yearning for a fight. if he can another chance he mihgt just look for more opportunities to pick a fight.

good u r avoiding him.

to get him out of ur head, try to meditate. sit with ur back straight against the wall, and focus on ur breathing. breathe from ur stomach. slowly. over a period of time u will start focussing on ur regualr activities of the day, and on wht u shud do ahead.

all the very best.

Answer 7

Let God take care of revenge, it can be far worse than what you can do. When I need to change, I just pray and ask God to help me overcome whatever the issue is. But also remember, the house you live in isn't the only house in the world, if can, move.

Answer 8

Stop thinking of yourself as a victim and that he did something to you. You bought the house - take responsibility for not insisting on the house being in proper condition before passing papers. You did this to yourself

Answer 9

The basic mental excercise of imagining yourself in a jail cell for life.
If you harm this man your life is over. If you don't stop letting him consume your thoughts you life is over.
Would it be better to try to get along?
Is your freedom important to you? Be free to move away.
Could you befriend him and get over it?
If you cannot stop hating you will ruin your life and your health and you will put your family in grave danger when they put you in jail.

Answer 10

Try thinking of him as a big fat hippo, or something you find amusing, it helps me each time my bloody neighbour starts getting my back up... watching her waddle down the street with her silly little dog, i imagine her wallowing in mud and stinking to high heaven.....it's the better alternative to violence which never works.

Answer 11

Remember the Pink Panther cartoon
About the hating neighbor?

Just keep ignoring him,
don't feed his pride