We lived together for more than a year, I don't believe in cohabitation but gave it a chance for the first and I think for the last time. He never brings the subject of marriage and I think that living without marriage is a waste of time.
Anyway, how can I let him know what I want without appearing like I begging for something???
2006-11-02 00:56:32 · 24 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
He sais he sees us in a future together but I am not sure if he means the marriage. He must be crazy to think I am going to stay with him in a girlfriend role in a future, there is no way. That's why it's so important for me to clarify the matter, cuz if I see it's not going my way I am dropping him.
2006-11-02 01:06:07 · update #1
You should be honest from the start. He's under the impression that you are happy sharing your life with him. If marriage was an important factor for him he would have mentioned it by now.
You are just building tension and eventually you will snap and confront him. It won't be pretty if you do it in a confrotational style. You should just be honest and tell him that marriage is your goal and he needs to let you know what his feelings on the subject are.
2006-11-02 01:17:38 · answer #1 · answered by Cain 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This is an important subject to you. If you love him enough to want to marry him, you should be able to just approach him about marriage; good communication is the foundation of a good marriage. I wouldn't waste any time dropping hints or causally bringing the subject up.
Before I go any further, did your boyfriend know how you felt about cohabitating before you moved in together? If he didn't, you really can't get angry with him if he doesn't feel the same way you do. He may have made a different decision about the living arrangement and your relationship.
That said, just sit down and talk to him: Tell him you've been thinking about your future. Let him know that you want to get married; living together indefinitely isn't an option for you and you'd like to know how he feels. Tell him to take some time and think about it so he's not on the defensive and in a rush to answer you, but put a deadline on it...a week isn't unreasonable. Let him know that you love him, and getting clarity on this will help you both. If you are serious about ending it with him if he doesn't feel the same, let him know that. Make it clear that you're not making an ultimatum, you're just having to be honest with yourself and him about how you feel.
Finally, if the outcome is that he doesn't see things your way, it doesn't make him a bad person. It means that he's making the best decision for himself in the same way you are for you.
Good luck.
2006-11-02 09:30:10 · answer #2 · answered by Le_Roche 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
About 99% of marriages happen because the woman makes an ultimatum: marry me or lose me. Don't issue this ultimatum unless you plan to follow thru and actually leave him if he fails to marry you within a reasonable time frame.
Tell him that you need to make plans for your future, and to do that, you need to know whether he will be a part of those plans. If he says no or maybe, forget him. If he says yes, then ask him if that means marriage.
If he doesn't "propose" at that point, you have to get tough. Tell him you can't base your whole future on mere verbal assurances; it's time to either make a commitment or to free you to look for someone else who WILL make a commitment. It's not about loving someone more, it's about needing to plan your future.
He may panic and bolt. Give him a while to get used to the idea, and stay away from him ... otherwise he will think you "can't" leave him. Good luck.
2006-11-02 09:18:25 · answer #3 · answered by kill_yr_television 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Be nice about it, if it is your place, ask him to move out, if not, find a place to live, then just tell him you don't believe in cohabitation but you can still see each other.
Give him a chance to miss you. If he really wants to get married, he will bring up the subject, if not, he will not. At least you will know where he stands on the subject, and make your decision from there.
2006-11-02 09:00:51 · answer #4 · answered by Marti M 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I lived with my husband for awhile before we got married. This is what I told him "I love you but I am not going to spend the rest of my life just living with someone. I want to be married and if you don't that is fine. We just won't be a couple. I want marriage and that is something that I am not going to bend on. So when the time is right either marry me or call it quits." He had kept tell me that he didn't want to get married. That wasn't carved in stone cause we have been married 6 years.
2006-11-02 09:03:59 · answer #5 · answered by sscott12414 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
your actions dont coenside with your principal of marriage do they really,,you cant say you see no point in a relationship without the option of marriage and then move in ,live together without it and then expect him to do all the running,,for him to believe he may lose you without the commitment you have to make him see you mean it by being clear this is how you feel,,bumbling through life wanting him to make all the decisions wont get you anywhere,,he is happy as it is i assume so in his head you will just carry on as you are as you havent really made a huge deal about it.if you want something it doesnt mean you will get it so if you dont want to waste your time,,be firm but be warned,,he may just say he doesnt want to get wed and then where does that leave you,,if you do nothing and still carry on the relationship,,he knows your principals mean nothing and he still has you the same as before. it could end up in a choice between him and getting married,,down to you which one will win.
2006-11-02 09:06:51 · answer #6 · answered by lex 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just be straight forward with him. Don't try any slick tactics like renting movies or certain catalouges. With some people...hints don't work. Just tell him that you would like to get married one day and ask him if he sees you two getting married. Or ask him how he feels about marriage. Besides...oopsing him into getting you pregnant is the last thing that you want to do to destroy his trust. since co-habitating without marriage is such a waste of time for you then tell him that you want to get married. If not...move out.
2006-11-02 10:09:43 · answer #7 · answered by cfalways 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Talk to him like a mature person. Tell him that it's time to plan for the wedding. Too bad he isn't going to be proposing to you but if you want to marry him inspite of that, then go ahead and plan the wedding. If he is against it or won't go along with the wedding plans, then dump him like a hot potato. If he doesn't want to commit now, he won't want to commit any time in the future. He is a lost cause. Cut your loses and move on.
2006-11-03 04:20:59 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have a conversation regarding goals... career, etc. long term and short term - just where do you see yourself in the future, where do you see US in the future.. you'll know when to bring up the marriage subject as the discussion progresses.
2006-11-02 08:59:43 · answer #9 · answered by tampico 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You ask him to marry you. We are in a world about equal opportunity, so why do we always have to wait for the guys to propose, we can propose to the guys too.
Have you watched "Sex and the City", look at Marianda and Steve, they were just having beer in a bar, and casaully Marianda asked Steve to marry her. You can do that too, it's casual and fun, and if he gives you a strange face when you say the word marriage, then just laugh it off, say it's a joke.
This way, you can see if he would be willing to marry you, and if he does and you ask him, you might just get yourself a fiance.
2006-11-02 09:02:43 · answer #10 · answered by devviash 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋