i have been with someone for a lil over 6 years we have 2 children together but things have not been good for quite awhile now.I dont feel the same about him as I used to and i know he feels the same.My dilemma is I have met someone that truly makes me happy and we do care for each other,we are so connected that we know what the others doing without even saying and finish each others sentences and so on I have never felt this way before.But Im torn whether to stay where i am for the kids so they have mom and dad together or actually follow my heart and be happy for once.Has anyone been through this before?Any suggestions would be great thanks guys.
2006-11-02 00:35:06 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Yes we all have been through that be for, it is called High School Crush. Sorry but you are in a relationship with someone that you have children with, and things aren't going so good right now, so your solution is to find someone new that makes things feel exciting instead of working on the relationship that you have. You would rather abandon what you have, teach your children that if it isn't fun anymore then just give up on it and find someone new. You are teaching your children that commitment means NOTHING! Relationships and marriage(which is what you have just without the legality of the marriage license) take work they are never fun and exciting all the time, there are low times and that is why in the wedding vows the words "in good times and bad" are included.
So unless your partner is abusive, which you haven't said he was, you just need to work on what you have. If you try it will get better and it will get to the exciting part again, but like I said it takes work and commitment-are these characteristics that you posses or are you passing on bad habits to your children?
2006-11-02 00:46:09 · answer #1 · answered by whatelks67 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The major flaw in your reasoning is that you think this other guy can stay that way if you are together full time. He has become a distraction which will prevent you from ever making your marriage right again. Evaluate what you are doing with your life and the lives of your children. The benefit you see will be short lived and you will spread a lot of pain around if you continue down this path.
You need to STOP and either work on your marriage of get out. You cannot ethically continue this way without looking very shabby on the back side. Deal with your marriage and resolve that first. To do otherwise will only lead to regrets later.
Here is a question which is also serious. Did you take your husband into the delivery room for the children? If you did he will NEVER view you as the woman you were before.
BTW your legal marriage status does not really matter much, if your are having kids together you are married.
2006-11-02 09:21:02 · answer #2 · answered by Flagger 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Children don't need to have both parents together to be happy. They need to see that you gave it all you have to the marriage before anything happened. I believe that one should fallow there heart but when married I think that they need to make sure that what is broke can't be fixed before putting there happiness above all else. This was the children learn to hang in ther when things are rough and that giving up should be the last thing. You never know you could have that with your husband if you only try. If you don't then by you being happy the child will see that there life gets happier.
2006-11-02 08:43:03 · answer #3 · answered by sscott12414 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Okay, you've been married 6 years, but something was missing: Respect? Affection? Your husband wasn't a challenge, and you just don't find him interesting anymore?
Meanwhile, you've been a sneek and found a parachute to grab before the airplane of love crashes on the mountains of reality.
Sounds like you are looking for somebody to sanction a decission you've already made, but here's the problem: bailing out on your marriage is not the terrible thing that you've done: starting a relationship with somebody else while you are still married clearly demonstrates you have no integrity however.
As for the sucker who got involved with a married woman who you claim to love now: he deserves whatever he gets, I suppose.
You know all of this, right?
2006-11-02 08:47:49 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Of course you heard the saying that staying for the kids is not right. But, sometimes I believe this statement is said by people who do not have kids. It's hard once you have kids with someone to make the decision to leave, but if you are both not happy and you have found someone that makes you happy, then make the move- but only if you feel it is right. The kids will still have their father, he is STILL their father. Do you plan on taking the kids with you, are letting them stay with their father? That's a different scenario altogether because I would not leave my kids for any man.
2006-11-02 08:40:30 · answer #5 · answered by Deja' Vu 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yikes, that's a sticky question. If you stay, would you be staying only for your children? If you're unhappy, you're children will know it whether you hide it or not. Children are a lot more perceptive than we give them credit for.
This other man, is he willing to be a good step father to your children? If not, then he isn't worth it. Any man that deals with a mother with kids has to love her children as much as she does.
My suggestion is this...start separating yourself from your partner if you are truly unhappy...BUT, and this is a BIG ONE, DO NOT GET INVOLVED WITH THIS OTHER MAN RIGHT AWAY! Your children will resent you for leaving their daddy for another man. Find out how to be happy with yourself first, then think about how to be happy with another person.
2006-11-02 08:44:31 · answer #6 · answered by Kitten 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your kids will be happy when you're happy.
I have been in a similar situation and even though it seemed against all odds to work out,we have fought through it and fought for our love.We are VERY happy and will get married next year.I followed my heart and don't regret a thing.
2006-11-02 08:39:52 · answer #7 · answered by natashabrenda 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
yes i have gone threw this before..the honeymoon stage was over..we all go threw it..but you have to ask yourself some questions..have you talked to your husband about how you are feeling? do you really love your husband? and are you willing to work it out with him? of course at first this other person will make you feel good about yourself, but i do belive that there is something else that is going on..and it is within yourself..there is a reason that you have already started something with someone else..and no matter if you leave your husband, or stay with him..whatever is really bothering you will be there..get some counseling and figure out what is really hurting you..sometimes we think that others will make us happy, and it is ourselves that need to change our thoughts about ourselves..blessings
2006-11-02 09:01:34 · answer #8 · answered by connie l 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well the kids will always have mommy and daddy no mater what. mommy don't have to be with daddy.listen alot of people are out there looking for, what it seems to me that you have already found. true happiness. girl follow your heart.your kids will never be happy. if mommy's not happy.and believe me that know when things are not right between their parents.the heart don't lie...take a chance.
2006-11-02 08:44:31 · answer #9 · answered by laydofluv25 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
as a child of divorced parents, it's much better for the kids for their parents to be happy. just make sure to keep their father in the picture - they will need him at times too.
honestly, having my parents divorced has made me work harder at my marriage so that we don't meet the same fate.
2006-11-02 09:54:30 · answer #10 · answered by kiki 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋