Do your guys feel insecure about you all the time...does he check your purse and mobile. How many of you have experienced it ?
By the way I don't hide anything from him..He doesn't that I know of him keeping a check on me...I let him do it so that may be he will one day develop trust as we had an arranged marriage....and I dont have anything ti hide. I never even had an afffair or any feelings for anybody before marriage.I just waited to give all my love and feelings to the one whom I will get married to...but sometimes I feel hurt of his actions...
as I've waited 29 yrs for this man...and now he is not trusting me....?
2006-11-02 00:10:59 · 21 answers · asked by 28March2007 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Married 30 years i have never had this problem with my husband nor have i ever snooped through his belongings. We have a mutual trust which neither of us have ever doubted. You should be thinking twice before marrying someone like this if you havent given him any reason for his actions
2006-11-02 00:58:45 · answer #1 · answered by classy&sassy 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Since you are asking this question, you already know the answer. Why in the hell are you going along with his games. Why is he invading your purse. Your purse is the only thing that is private even after you get married. Don't turn yourself into something other than yourself for a man. I promise if you are not being yourself and truthful with him, in time you will be unhappy and may end up hating him. Communication is one of the building block in marriage. Trust is another. If he doesn't have a clue about either, then I would think twice. Yes, I am married too. There is right and wrong. And what he is doing is wrong and disrespectful to you. And if you are hoping he will change, you may end up with a broken heart. Arrangements can be broken. I am speaking from experience.
I wish you all the best.
2006-11-02 00:35:38 · answer #2 · answered by orcahock 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My husband doesn't "check up" on me, nor would I let him. When we were first married he was bit insecure but only because of his failed first marriage. The thing that helped him get over those feelings was my talking to him openly about everything. You need to let your husband know that you're aware of his mistrust and ask him directly why he feels the need to check up on you. Let him know that you don't hide anything from him and never will. Tell him exactly what you told us here. I'm sure the fact that your marriage was arranged is the reason he's not trusting. He's not sure you really love him because you didn't choose him yourself. Talk all of this out and continue to give it time and show him that you love him. Good luck.
2006-11-02 00:22:55 · answer #3 · answered by rosecitylady 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Of course this is not normal. Maybe you should talk to him about it. I have been married for a little over a year and knew my husband for 2 more years before we got married, when we first met he was a little insecure but I did nothing to provoke his insecurities and he completely trusts me.
He sometimes opens my purse to get something but not because he does not trust me, that does not upset me because I allow him to.
Going through my mobile phone is ompletely out of the question. This is a personal phone, if he wants to use it he can ask me and I will give it to him.
2006-11-02 00:16:18 · answer #4 · answered by rinah 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
he was insecure long before you got him love,,,,,,,i would be appalled if my husband did this to me,,what an invasion of privacy.this is probably because the marriage was arranged and you were sort of made to marry him,,,i dont mean you didnt want to marry him but as you and he didnt date properly and get to know each other well and then decide to marry,he has no proof you actually love him for him,,he may just feel you love him because you are supposed to. he needs to work on his trust issues and you wont help him by letting his actions go by unaddressed. his feeling dont revolve around what you have been doing or not doing,,they revolve around his insecurities,,just be careful he doesnt step up the problem by asking where you have been,,who have you spoken to,,why was he looking at you,,i dont want you going out without me and the like......he cant berate you if you dont let him and if you stick to your guns he may see there really is no need to keep doing this as if you had something to say,,you would say it without him having to sneak behind your back to find out
2006-11-02 00:26:03 · answer #5 · answered by lex 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Being that your marriage was arranged, perhaps the two of you did not know each other well enough beforehand to develop feelings of love and mutual trust. If you love him, tell him so. Do not tell him you know about his snooping, but bring up the subject of trust in a general conversation. Tell him in a moment you feel close to him, such as after lovemaking. Tell him you love him so much and you have never felt such love and trust with a man before and you find comfort in the fact that he feels that same for you. That should bring up feelings of love and comfort in him as well.
2006-11-02 00:20:59 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well my dear, i know it is not an easy thing to hear, but these are your mans insecurities. Not yours, unless you have given him reason to doubt you or you have hurt him by actions leading him to doubt your fidelity.
This is a difficult thing to hear, but as a man, i have sometimes seen that when a man has had infidelity with other relationships or is promiscuous, he tends to act out his infidelity by lashing out at or checking on their full time partner as an act of their own guilty conscience. It is just a case of their own insecurities playing up as they know of their own actions.
On the aside though, I absolutely comend you on your choice to save your Love for the one person you marry.
You are a gem amongst women.
I do wish that one day, a man treats you like the gem you are.
2006-11-02 00:26:36 · answer #7 · answered by karshan_live 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Trust takes time. You've been waiting 29 years for this arranged marriage. Neither of you really know each other. No matter how long you know someone, you never truly know them until you live with them. However, his actions are disrespectful. He is invading your privacy.
2006-11-02 00:24:12 · answer #8 · answered by Joy 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My husband does not check up on me, does not search my purse or cell phone. He trusts me through and through as I do him. I would talk to him, if he flies off the handle, then I don't think you would want to marry a man like that.
2006-11-02 00:14:37 · answer #9 · answered by Jules 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have never had that done but I know woman who have. Some of them it stayed right there and others it was worse. It went from that to abuse. It could be just a insecure thing or a power thing. A "I can do what I want" thing. Just be careful and reassure him that he is the one that you want to be with.
2006-11-02 00:34:48 · answer #10 · answered by sscott12414 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋