Are children born with their personalities?

Question

The other day my mother quoted just that! "children are born with their personalities" but i disagree! My son is loving, sensitive, happy, calm and contented and she believes he was born this way and that it has nothing to do with our parenting. I put it to her that if i were to smack my child and shout at him would he be the same way? i think not! Please tell me your thoughts. many thanks xx

Answer 1

Consider how children learn language. They learn it too fast and in too much detail for it to be simply the result of experience and interaction with their parents. Children do not just reproduce what they hear from their parents, but they can create new sentences with complex grammar. These sentences are way ahead of anything that they have experienced. This fascinating ability arises because they are pre-equipped with language learning skills. Some theorists argue that children's minds are in a blank state when born; however I would argue that this is untrue. A more appropriate comparison would be to compare the child's mind to a computer. They are born with something like a computer programme that enables them to learn language. What the child experiences i.e. parents’ talk and parent's behaviours is just the input into this programme.

So a child is born with a set of preferences, predispositions, and abilities that it inherits from its genetic parents. Of course these are nurtured and maintained by proper parenting. The process can only function properly where the parent behaves and gives example in an appropriate manner. Bottom line, you have a very important role to ensure that your child is directed in the right direction. Of course how you handle this responsibility will influence your child's personality!!

Answer 2

I'm the oldest of eight siblings. I had to learn to be responsible and independent really fast. At the age of six I was babysitting and changing diapers. I've had to take care of all my younger siblings ever since then; they're all a lot younger than me except for the one who comes RIGHT after me. (I'm 22, and they are: 21, 15, 14, 13, 11, 9 and 8.) I'm the one who is most focused on school and intellectual pursuits. I'm very introverted, and they are pretty introverted too, but most of them are more outgoing than I am. I am quiet right when you meet me, but...let's see...a good way to describe me is like a plain looking hole, such as the rabbit hole in Alice in Wonderland. You cross over to the other side, and it's a whole other colorful, whimsical world, waiting for the right person to discover it! I'm an artist, a writer and a photographer. All the girls in my family are artists too-- the boys are as well, but not as much. I'm more mature than they are for my age, and a lot more considerate. I'm always doing things for other people and thinking of myself last. They're all a lot more carefree... -sigh- My youngest sister, although eight, looks and acts more like a four year old because of how she's treated by my dad. The two kids in the middle, ages 13 and 14 have taken different approaches to being middle children. The 13 year old girl is pretty quiet, stays out of the way, and is like the "typical" middle child. The 14 year old boy is very loud and kind of obnoxious; he rules the house a lot of the time. He's constantly seeking attention and wanting to be involved in everything. The 15 year old boy is also very attention-seeking, and quite a clown. I would say the two teenage boys are, and have always been (since babyhood) the most 'troublesome' of everyone. The 21 year old boy is quiet, obedient, intellectual and pretty helpful. The 11 year old girl is smart, cheerful/bright, full of energy, and has a 'spicy' personality. The 9 year old boy is somewhat of a spoiled baby, whines quite a bit, and seems to be following in the footsteps of his teenage brothers. x___O I hope this helped! XD

Answer 3

I think it really depends on what you mean by "personality."

It's not clear that your mother meant to somehow criticize your parenting or say that your parenting has had no impact on your son. In terms of their kid's actual behavior, involved parents have a great deal of impact on young children, and it sounds like you have been involved.

I know that what your mother said, unrelated to parenting skills whatsoever, is generally true. Children are each born with certain dispositions and inclinations, and we perceive this as "unique personality."

For example, my eldest son was laid back, quiet, sensitive, compliant, articulate, perceptive... and many of these things were obviously within a few weeks/months after his birth.

My second son, within a few days, was clearly a "performer," enthusiastic, joyful, into everything he could get his hands on, sociable, and fun. In a room with other kids to choose from, people would invariably flock to him.

And both of their personalities have not changed from this, although it's been ten+ years now -- they simply became "more" what they already were.

Now, in terms of discipline, yes, we have had a large impact on our children... and how they respond to authority, how willing they are to follow rules, how well they deal with people, and how content they are depends heavily on their home environment, and thus my wife and me as the parents.

(Later, their peer group becomes MUCH more influential in their lives, but to say that the parent has no influence on their children at all is silly.)

Some kids are generally pleasant by nature, but home environment can disturb that balance or solidify it.

Anyway, I'm simply saying that, depending on how your mother's comment is taken, you can both be right on this one.

Your son might be pretty pleasant by nature.

And he's still pleasant (or even moreso) because you've been a responsible parent.

Answer 4

Yes. I had three sons. I noticed during their infancy that they had different reactions. My firstborn started babbling the first night he came home from the hospital. He has never stopped. Indeed a big talker. My secondborn was quiet and a very easy baby to care for. In adulthood the quietness remains with him. My secondborn tore up a lot of toys. Today, I realize that he is mechanically inclined. He likes to fix things that don't work. They all had taste for different foods. None of my sons liked onions while my husband and I liked them a lot.

On the other hand, I think that the personalities they were born with were influenced and continually molded by their family, friends as well as peers and everyday life.

I believe it to be a combination of both. Humans are complex.

Answer 5

This is the classic nature vs. nurture question. The general consensus, I believe, is that it's a little of both. There are certain things that are more genetic (intelligence for instance) but that doesn't mean that our environment doesn't have a part in shaping who we become. But even at the youngest ages, babies have distinct personalities. One baby might be fussy and easily agitated while another is calm and serene. How these natural tendencies develop depend on how the child is raised.

Answer 6

Yes ,they definately are born with they're own personality.

A prime example of this are my daughters twins,a boy and a girl.

They are 17 months old now,and from the day they were born,he has always been quiet and contented,where she had a fiery temper.

They are the same now,its such fun to watch how it has developed,she bullies him to a certain extent,but also looks after him,if he's poorly she will take him toys,or if he drops his cup she will pick it up and take it to him.

The little girl is particularly defiant and will ignore you if she wants to,he is loving and caring and likes nothing more than hugs and kisses,she hates it.

Both brought up the exact same way from day one,totally different personalities.

Answer 7

Personally, I think personality is developed from the time of conception. Genes, stress/hormones, calm during foetal developement and parenting ALL effects the way humans are shaped.

I feel the full character of the child is there at birth, however the way the child is treated/brought up either adds or negates to that basic character. So you are both right.

Answer 8

Not sure really?
I have a 13yr old and a 10yr old both with different personalities, they have both been brought up the same way? i think maybe a little is down to genetics, how else would you be able to explain there different personalities. I do disagree with your mother i don't think they are born like that, maybe it's 50/50?

Answer 9

Environment/parentling shapes the tendencies that a child a born with. Otherwise, how could we explain wy some children have a propensity for music or art, while others do not? Why are some kids violent in their day care group, while others are shy and placid?

Answer 10

Distressingly, the bulk of a child's character and personality is formed through interaction with peers, which means that the quality of the parenting counts for little if the childs friends are a bad bunch.