affair.....would you?

Question

if given the opportunity...would you have one if your present relationship was over but things were too complicated to just leave. knowing that your other half would never know...? i just think that given the opportunity....all of you would give up your holier then thou attitude and go for it.

sorry, if you read my other question...you may realise that i'm trying to help a very confussed and desperate friend.......time to think.

Answer 1

NO- more complications.

Answer 2

If you are actually going through divorce proceedings then you are technically separated so it wouldn't be an affair.

But, getting other people involved just complicates the whole situation. You yourself are very confused, and naturally- if going through a divorce you feel let down and that you need someone- this is the same if your relationship is over in your eyes. You just want love really.

Although you might not love him now- you did once- be fair and leave him first. Do the decent thing and show him respect because once it did matter how he felt. Leave him before you find someone else. Being betrayed by someone is unbelieveable painful and takes years to get over- if ever. The realisation that they don't even remember that they once loved you enough to respect you now hurts to the core.

No matter the complication- you must tell your husband that it is over. Then, after he has moved out and things are a little clearer in your head, you can start to meet other people.

I do not have a "holier than thou" attitude about it,- I just know what it's like to be on the receiving end of someone having an affair before they leave you.

Answer 3

No - If you are that unhappy in your relationship, no longer 'in love' and there is no longer mutual respect, intimacy or trust, then to be happy it would be better for both partners to call it a day. Life is too short and it would be better in the long run to separate than to continue being unhappy and considering cheating, thinking of being with someone else, when you can be free to and not feel guilty or that you are hurting your partner. There will always be the view of things being too complicated to leave, but they can and will be overcome with time. If you cheat and get caught it will be over anyway, if you cheat and aren't morally that way anyway, then it will always upset you and make you miserable once the first rush is over, and finally save each other the pain and betrayal of being cheated on and leave. Good luck to you....or your friend!

Answer 4

Is this other guy worth breaking up a relationship/marriage for? Having the affair would only make the situation worse. If I was a true friend. I would try tell the friend to leave and end the relationship/marriage permanently before starting a new relationship. Also consider the kids in your decision, and how will it affect them.

Answer 5

Since this is hypothetically asked in a personal light of what I would do I will answer. I know what I would do. I've had enough experience in life to have faced similar situations as this.

Thinking about it (which a lot of people don't do when they wander into being unfaithful) I would ask myself what I would gain by having an affair with somebody so unscrupulous as to agree to it. Somebody who had any real reguard for me would not consent to anything like this. This being the case I would have to ask myself why I should trouble myself to divert my attention from one person who didn't give a damn about me and give it to another who had no more love or respect for me.

So no, I wouldn't do it, I would end one relationship before I'd even consider having another, for my own benefit and for the respect of all others involved. Affairs don't just ruin your own life but the deciet and betrayal ripples outward and touches the opinions, loyalties and well-being of children, friends and family.. We do not live in a bubble and our actions effect more than ourselves.

Affairs usually end in disaster and misery for all concerned. My own parents were a shining example of this and I would never ever want to re-visit my childood misery onto my own children.

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Answer 6

Im the last 1 to say that I have a holier than thou attitude...I can be alot naughty at times...lol. BUT!! I have been and stiill am inlove with my husband of 15yrs. I never have been attracted to other guys ever...and hope that I never am. If things were over for good with my husband...maybe I would but I could never be decietfull and go behind his back. It's not in my nature. But fortunately my husband and I are b4 anything BESTFRIENDS.

Answer 7

The pressure to have an affair is built within the human desire to satisfy the sexual urges. There is a careful balance between intimacy in a marriage and positive communication within that marriage. From the Grace of God, the constant relationship with my partner, I have been lucky I think to never have strayed in any sexual manner in my lifetime so far. Pressures put upon me have been bearable. I see cheating as a beginning to my death physically. My body would eat itself. I see the temple of the body as being too special to mess it up. Like I said, I have been lucky to recognize the specialness of my relationship. Our bodies can only release so much energy before they are consumed in that waste. I have been married 33 years and have never strayed as it were and have only had sex with my wife in my lifetime. I have had conversations with other women, but I would not allow it to go beyond that unless I was raped, God forbid. And that would be a different story. There are countless stories that I have heard about men straying from their wives and as I see it, it all comes down to how we think of life and how we value life and life giving substances. So no.....I would not have an affair.

Answer 8

I want to say yes I would do it, but when it came down to it I would probably not. For one thing I have 2 kids and one on the way. Plus it would be hard to get the time to do such a thing since I really don't leave the house that much so it would be blatantly obvious. And yes, our relationship isn't "over" per se, but in my mind and heart I have given up since his lack of emotion and emotionally manipulative ways have driven us apart.

Answer 9

So are u just trying to justify your actions for telling your friend to have an affair....because that is what your previous question is about. Having an affair is not going to solve the original problem. It will only complicate things.

And to answer your question, no...I would not have an affair. I would rather end the relationship cleanly before jumping into another one.

Answer 10

No-most definitely i would not cheat...and please do not tell me that i would "give up my holier than thou" attitude if given the opportunity-do not presume to tell me what i think or what i know/don't know,what i would do/wouldn't do.I was brought up with morals and principals and taught that the sanctity of marriage is sacred between two people.I would NEVER cheat,and despise cheats entirely with every fibre in my body.Holier than thou attitude my a55,who are you,tsk.

Answer 11

Affairs are wrong----Your friend should end the present relationship and move on----If your friend is on her own and residing in her own place.....then what she would be doing in her private life wouldn't be considered an affair.

Sounds to me that the complications are self-inflicted and she is probably using the present relationship as an excuse not to move on!

I would say to your friend....A cheater no matter what you call an affair is a cheater and a liar to themselves and to the person they're cheating on! BAD Karma---- You as the friend shouldn't get involved in the deceptive practices of encouraging this friend of yours to cheat and lie!