My husband told me very recently that watching porn does nothing for him. Last night i found porn that he had downloaded over the weekend. He knows i dont like him looking at other women like that and i am so upset. Why do men need to look at a flat screen when they have a living and warm thing in their beds. Makes my stomach sick to think what he was doing while watching other women. We have had a very rough year and i thought things were going great but now i just feel like ****.
2006-11-01 21:42:56 · 39 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Have done everything he ever asked me to. Have watched videos of guys while he was wanking because that turned him on me looking at other men, even though it did nothing for me. Have a vibrator which i use on myself while he watches me. Thought i was enough to satisfy him but obviously after having a baby i am stretch marked and flabby and obviously he prefers these super slim girls to turn him on rather than me.
2006-11-01 22:00:30 · update #1
oh and by the way he is not talking to me because i confronted him about it.
2006-11-01 22:20:06 · update #2
The real problem is that he lied to you.
2006-11-01 21:45:41 · answer #1 · answered by tumbleweed1954 6 · 8⤊ 1⤋
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2016-07-27 07:03:40 · answer #2 · answered by Marianne 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you were in the room, he wasn't watching porn -- at least not for the intended purpose. So maybe (and I'm giving him a big benefit of the doubt here) he didn't consider it "watching porn" because he was looking at something a co-worker suggested he watch. Like that whole 2 Girls 1 Cup nonsense. Or he got to the website and didn't actually view a video. Porn is not about "I'd rather have this than the real thing." It's just a fascination, a curiosity that is inherent. Why do women obsess about shoes? Why are women so jealous over the stupidest things? Why do women feel the need to talk about everything? It's just stuff we're born with. I think your issue is not the porn but the really stupid lying he did. I will tell you that he has lied to you before, without a doubt. It was something trivial and pointless, but he lied. We all do. "You look great in that dress." "Yes, I can't wait to go out with your friends." It happens. Yes, honesty is important. And you two have some work to do on your marriage because this affected you so much. Consider counseling for that. But in the grand scheme of things, it could have been much, much worse. I think in time it will fade -- or you will end up divorced.
2016-05-23 15:50:18 · answer #3 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You seem very angry towards your husband. I was reading all your questions & noticed that you had an affair. So while him watching porn may make your stomach sick, I'm sure the thought of you having sex with another man was a little bit worse for him. Don't take this the wrong way but be realistic.
My partner used to watch porn before we got together. I didn't really like it but accepted it. We discussed it & agreed that watching raunchy films or music videos might be better than porn & that we could do it together, after all porn leaves nothing to the imagination but watching Beyonce shaking her thing turns both of us on! Maybe you could suggest that.
He likes you watching porn with men involved? You say it does nothing for you these fit models strutting their stuff but yet you slept with a local guy who's probably not as buff as the model. Your husband probably has issues with that also.
I don't know the in's & outs of the affair, but if the two of you got back together I assume he doesn't beat you & isn't the biggest bastard in the world. I know I keep relating the 2 things but I fell that him watching porn is probably as a result of your infidelity so I wouldn't be too hard on him. Talk it through & don't leave it fester otherwise it will never be resolved.
I hope you don't think me a *****, this is my first ever post on this thing. I wish you the best of luck & sincerely hope that you can sort this out & work through it.
2006-11-01 23:16:41 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Well i am kinda torn on this one on one hand almost every man watches porn its kinda their dirty little secret but on the other hand I totally know how you feel my ex husband was like that got a subscription to play boys which is all that bad only three pictorials but non the less still porn. I was so angry with him to I had just had a baby and I didn't feel so good about myself and on top of that he brings home porn. I dealt with the play boys but then he started hiding it like on the net all the time. And then he got to the point were he chose porn over me. My advice to you is to not totally freak out about some times believe it or not mean just wanna have night to them selves men are visual people unlike woman who are emotional I would ask him why he hide it from you but try not to freak and once again express your dislike about it if he keeps looking at it and goes as far as to pay for then there might be a time you say look stop or I leave its all in were your boundaries are.
2006-11-01 21:51:05 · answer #5 · answered by SunShineBabe 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My boyfriend is into porn. I don't find it offensive or as a slight against me. Generally they like the outlet and I don't think they expect real women to be like that or act like that. It is fantasy and nothing more. I think it is no different than a show we me get into or enjoy watching a hot guy in a movie or show. Men are visual and into sex so that provides both. Unless the porn is of a fettish or unusual variety I wouldn't worry too much about it. He shouldn't lie to you about it though. I am sorry you have had such a rough year, keep communicating and try and work through it. Good Luck
2006-11-01 21:49:28 · answer #6 · answered by Hopey 2 · 5⤊ 0⤋
First order of business is your self esteem. You are a hottie, tell yourself that a gazillion times if you must but believe it cause YOU ARE!!! Being sexy comes from the mind as much as the body. Think it, dress it, feel it and you will be it.
You made reference to the watching of movies with him, after re-reading I noticed something that you said, it is was not the movies but your reaction to them which he likes. Example: If a guy kisses a girl and she just stares off into space is that going to excite him,........ummm nope. But if he kisses her and she responds back with a kiss, touches his face etc then he feels good in knowing that what he did caused that reaction. Same thing applies to you.
If the two of you watch a move together etc, he gets excited in watching you respond to him wanking more so then the movie.
The movie is of no use, try it with out the movie. You do your thing and watch him, vise versa. The more enjoyment you show from watching him get excited by what your doing will just play off of the two of you.
As to watching the movies behind your back, address it in a way that is not attacking him or making him defensive. Be proactive, maybe offer to make a movie for him/with him that he can watch. That way you can show him again the pleasure response from what he does for/to with you.
Sexual energy is based on action and reaction over and over again.
2006-11-02 00:36:08 · answer #7 · answered by SRC 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Try going without chocolate EVER AGAIN! It's not the beauty of the women it's the 'bad' factor. By not liking porn you are setting yourself up as 'Aunt Matilda' and he will decreasingly see you as someone to have sex with and more of a prude.
I will reverse the Aunt Matilda story so you understand.
In the story you are promised great sex... but you have to be blindfolded... for some reason you agree and find yourself having the best sex of your life... when all of a sudden the blind fold is ripped off of ou and you see that it is your Uncle Mike.... All of a sudden you feel sick and no longer enjoy the sensation of Uncle Mike being inside you...
Your perception of your lover had changed and that is all.
Well, obviously your hubby doesn't like the warm intimate sex that is your taste (all of the time). I am sure he really loves it but its not enough variety. If he does enjoy 'bad girls' then one of three things will happen.
1. He learns to hate sex with you
2. You become more wild
3. You divorce
I have yet to see a man change his taste in sexual arrousal. I have seen it stop altogether due to a very rigid woman... and please don't missunderstand, rigidity is not bad... the difference in your sexual tastes is whats bad. Some men LOVE the rigid women... But I have never met one. I think there are unicorns out there too.
I did have one idea that might work.
If you keep sex sooo damn exciting that he can't think of sex an other way... but I doubt you care enough to exert that much effort.
2006-11-01 22:37:35 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 2⤋
Well honey, I have had this problem in the past and I am tempted even now. I am amazed by the number of women who would say that some sins don't matter to them. When we are married we should seek the highest standards from our partners and we should pursue those standards at every avenue and learn to gracefully argue for that. Now.... if your husband is seeking something like this he probably has a high sex drive because of a deficiency in his upbringing either miscommunication of sexuality or low self esteem because of his possible persecution as a child likely, unless your husband is a bully...in which case he has had aggressive tendencies programmed into him. Either way there needs to be counselling, which can be done between you and he personally if you know how to gracefully ask each other questions and give honest answers. If you can't do that, you need professional help. Sex is a pretty much necessary component of intimacy between partners but it's use should be tempered with a sense of survival necessity. We only have so much bone marrow, a building block of our body's nature. Plasm production directed by our sex habits towards sex juice production in excess from our images that we introduce to the mind is an addiction that can kill the body and reduce it to a cancer inviter eventually. It takes 8 weeks for the body to make the sexual fluid that emits from one orgasm. The Bible even says the your seed is the Word of God. So by detracting that seed's potential by masturbation is a very impure and fatal act eventually and yet we are attracted to that and mesmerized to that and beguiled by that flesh over and over in our lifetime. Practicing stimulation without ejaculation in a marriage can build a weak partner's immunity to the necessity to ejaculate all the time which is what happens from pornography. It is a tough road to haul and we are bombarded by the beguilement of nature. We, combined with other parts of God, made such a wonderful, attractive nature here. We just have to become aware of how dangerous we made it too! Our society has come past the birth control and planned parenthood stage and now we need to realize that for our very survival, we need to take on the sexual attractions to one another and allow that to become natural without acting upon them to orgasm except to make a baby or connect a marriage once a month or medical purposes. Good luck. You deserve it.
2006-11-01 21:58:27 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 2⤋
Sweetheart men are men, the sooner you realize that the better off you'll be. You should be thankful he's looking at a screen and not at a strip joint groping women or worse cheating on you. Men need to have some kinda fantasy, why not let it be porn in your own home, it could be worse. If you really want to make him happy go buy a vibrator and watch it with him and pleasure each other. It will spice things up, not to mention make him one of the happiest men alive.
2006-11-01 21:48:36 · answer #10 · answered by lovemykalli 4 · 1⤊ 2⤋
Listen just to blame him is away out . I watch porn sometimes but not habitually ,men do fantasize big deal,so do women( and that is true )The problem is not the porn it is a sympton of another problem figure that out and probably the porn on the computer will stop.(men are dogs and it may not ever completely stop) But to say that si the only problem is wrong.(Big deal looking at other women on a computer if you don't figure out the root cause he could act on it )
2006-11-01 21:57:04 · answer #11 · answered by ga44male 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋