my friend is in a relationship that is coming to an end. she says she is finding it really hard to convince her other half that it's over. i'm trying to help her but have run out of ways she can tell him to move on.
she fancies someone and is feeling that she she may have an affair..........should she?
i've told her to go ahead.
oh ya, she still lives with the guy and has kids with him, too.
2006-11-01 21:39:10 · 49 answers · asked by canada grl 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
just to add...the reason i've told her to is because she is so desperately unhappy with this guy......and he won't budge.
2006-11-01 21:46:25 · update #1
no she shouldn't have an affair if he doesn't get the picture then she isn't comming right out and saying it and you telling her to have an affair....you are some friend.
2006-11-01 21:42:00 · answer #1 · answered by mnm4213 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
That fact the you asking this ? puts doubt in your head, so why would you suggest to your friend to have an affair? the thing is your friend doesn't need your approval she needs you friendship. It is important because deep down inside she knows what she is doing is wrong but is looking for justification. It's just good old common sense. Which is lacking in today's society unfortunately! If you feel you've done all that you can, Trust yourself. You shouldn't change your values just to please someone who is doing wrong. You have to stand for what you believe. You don't have to be nasty about it but you don't have to agree with her behavior and way of thinking either. Being a friend is, I think you taking a step back. Realise she is a grown up, and know that no matter how many times you tell her, she'll still make her own desicions. Often there is nothing you can do except decide if you want to support her or not. If you choose not to then its only fair to tell her. Remember you have the right to your opinion and if you don't want to agree with her and accept what she is thinking of doing. Then you don't have to.
2006-11-02 00:34:25 · answer #2 · answered by WhyNotMe 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Having an affair is not the answer to get rid of someone.
If at all possible, pack his bags when he's out and change the locks. Or if she is able, she and the kids move out. There are plenty of organisations that will help women in need. As long as the guy hasn't been violent towards her or the kids previously, then either of these should give him the message.
If all else fails, contact the police department to see where she stands.
2006-11-01 22:23:47 · answer #3 · answered by Melissa 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't have an affair. It is really unfair on the kids, the other man's family and just muddies the water. If she went ahead with the affair, she would find it exciting and probably everything she feels her current relationship is not and quickly mistake these feelings for love for this other guy maybe ruining everything in the process.
Why does she feel that the relationship she is currently in is over? Her partner is obviously unaware of this otherwise he would take the hint, wouldn't he? Maybe she has to hurt his feelings in the short term and just be blunt with him if it really is over and she is not just thinking that the grass is greener.
Couldn't they go for marriage guidance first and see if their relationship can be saved? They at least owe it to their children to try and not career headlong into another relationship straight away.
2006-11-01 21:46:29 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
What are you on....you have told her to go ahead with an affair, thets hope your guy's friends dont suggest the same to him. I think that the majority of ladies that I know, after coming out of a long relationship, especially with children, the last think that woman needs is another relationship. I think what your friend needs is to take time to get herself back together, spend some quality time with her children, it will be heartbreaking for them also if the relationship comes to an end. An affair is certainly not the answer. Sex is not everything in a womans life.
2006-11-01 21:44:02 · answer #5 · answered by jude 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This isn't good advice from a friend. If they really can't patch things up, and they should certainly try for the kids, having an affair is not the answer. The kids will always blame her for a start as they will see the break up as her fault. She should sort out one relationship first before getting into another.
2006-11-01 21:47:12 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
they are still living together and you are advising her to see another guy because she doesnt love him anymore,,do you realize the trouble this will cause,,she may not love him but he may still want her and if he finds out what she is doing dont you think the kids will hear the arguments,the fights,feel the atmosphere when they are together,,,,she wont make anything better by sitting on her hands and waiting for a knight in shining to come and rescue her,,if he wont leave she should,,,people who want to really end something,,do.....they dont take the short cut to happiness and the fact she wants to do this and still live with him is bad and you shouldnt tell her to be having an affair,,what kind of friend are you,,,,i hope you are there to pick up the pieces when she knocks on your door after he throws her out,,(probably without the kids),,,,will you be prepared to accept the blame that she says belongs to you?
2006-11-01 22:55:18 · answer #7 · answered by lex 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No she shouldn't have an affair, she should keep trying to save her relationship. It's going to mess up a lot of lives, especially the children, if she leaves. She should tell her bloke that she wants to make their relationship better. She should say 'we' have a problem, not 'you' have a problem. Maybe she could suggest counselling and say it's the last time she will ask, and if he says no then it's over.
Having an affair is just wrong, no matter who you are.
2006-11-01 21:52:21 · answer #8 · answered by good tree 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Does he know that the relationship is over, or is she wanting to end the relationship by having an affair. She would be hurting the kids too if she has the affair. We need more information, but having an affair to end the relationship or marriage is wrong.
2006-11-02 10:35:46 · answer #9 · answered by Minot_1997 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The guy will budge if she tells him straight and stops day dreaming about this other guy. Also the fact she has kids she shouldnt have an affair, it could cause all sorts of arguments and problems. She really needs to grow up for starters and stop thinking of herself.
2006-11-01 21:51:27 · answer #10 · answered by Annie M 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I dont think she should go and have an affair,and especially when there are children involved.This is gonna be confusing enough for those children,without bringing a stranger into the picture.This man is in denial and needs to accept that its over between the two of them,if he doesn't 'get'that ,then (if she is married?)filing for divorce would be a start!
2006-11-01 22:47:57 · answer #11 · answered by pinkydinkydoo 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋