Parents getting devorced?

Question

my mom and dad are getting devorced after 23 years of marraige.
I am the oldest and am not handeling it well. how can I learn to cope with it?

Answer 1

My advise is to condition your mind to the idea that it is not your fault. A divorce is always hard on children, but it part of life sometimes and we have to cope with it like we do with death or sickness. I hope you will have better days in the future. Good friendship also helps.

Answer 2

This will be a major upheaval for you and for your parents. Even though they are choosing to separate, the length of time they've been together means they will find it very different and difficult to be apart and starting a new life for themselves.

It is very important that you share how you are feeling with your parents so they can help you through.

It is going to be a new way of living for you and it won't be easy especially in the early days. It's a kind of bereavement for what was. You'll find there are times when you are wishing and hoping they'll get back together especially if they see each . other and get on well

You'll probably experience anger and maybe guilt. Remember this is normal...it is a process that has a beginning and an end.

Make sure that you arrange to see each of them as often as you can.

You will come to terms with it eventually but it will be tough at times.

Remember to stay open with your feelings, tell your parents what you are thinking and how you are feeling...this way you help each other through. Encourage your siblings to do the same.

Best wishes.

Answer 3

There is no way anyone can give you advice that will completely ease your fears. Everyone if different. I've seen hundreds of cases over the years.

You could get involved. Are there underage siblings still in the home? Buy them the book "10 Stupid Things Parents Do To Mess Up Their Children's Lives."

If there is children in the home, demand the home be granted to the children with joint custody of your parents. Each lives in the home for three weeks, than they switch. You siblings are not inconvenienced over "visiting" the non-custodial parent and they have equal access, whether your parents want that or not. Until the children are all grown and out of the home, no dating, sleeping around, or overnight guests. As the eldest child, you do have standing in the court,

Answer 4

It will take a while for them to come to a true amicable place. After so many years of marriage it hurts a great deal for such a long term relationship to dissolve. It sounds like they tried their hardest to hold it together. At least they made it past your childhood. You were able to be raised in a two parent household. I understand you need time to grieve the loss of your parental unit. Your parents have been your foundation since birth. Of course this is going to rock that foundation and hurt deeply. You need to allow yourself to grieve that loss and all that it signifies. I am so sorry this is happening. I know this will not help right now, but try to think of your parents as separate people who were not born your parents. They have needs that have nothing to do with being parents. They are just as much entitled to find real happiness and peace in life as anyone else. It is hard, no matter how old you are. You love your parents and you got used to see them as a whole, not two individuals. But in time you will heal and feel better.

Good luck & God Bless you and your family!

Answer 5

Accept the fact that there are certain things that you simply have no control over with. The decision to go their separate ways is between your mom and dad and I'm sure they've got their valid reasons for this decision. Take this new development in your life as a challenge to yourself to become more self-reliant and be emotionally and mentally strong from now on. Face the future boldly and with strong faith in yourself that come what may you will always emerge triumphant regardless of what happened with your parents relationship. After all, it's their problem, not yours.

Answer 6

Make them understand and realize that in case of separation their kids will suffer a lot. For the sake of their kids, they shud stay togather, even if they dont like. Its a matter of responsibilities. GOD bless you.