My fiance denies he has a problem but he never goes a week without a drink! He lies about how much he drinks. I love everything else about him, he is a good man but my grandfather and uncle died young from alcoholism and it scares me!I just can't get through to him. I asked him to stop drinking and he said he would but he was really mad about it and acted like his life would be over. My mother in law to be is an alcoholic and encourages my man to drink! She's allowed him to drink since he was 15 or 16, he's 28 now. I myself see nothing wrong with an occasional drink. I maybe have a drink or two once or twice a month. I go months on end without drinking at all too though. Weve been together 3 years and were engaged. I stay with him cause he treats me great, he's loyal, he spoils me, and we can talk to eachother about anything well besides his drinking. Should I just deal with it and not say anything or ask him to stop?
2006-11-01 20:00:52 · 17 answers · asked by Cappychic 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
It has been proven that alcoholicism can be caused partly by genes, it can be hereditary. The fact that your fiancee lies about his drinking is the most troubling statement you have made. ( along with the fact that he seems to think a life without drink is no life at all).
There are basically a lot of ways to take a drink, if he is drinking just because he is feeling happy and the drink makes him happier, the problem is less serious. If he is drinking to get rid of problems or issues it is far more serious and he should get counselling or group therapy.
Drinking from depression will eventually only worsen the depression and the problems, rather than going away, will mount up, leading to more drinking etc...the downward spiral in which he will eventually be unable to function normally.
Perhaps you could point out the other disadvantages of drinking to him, besides the ones you have already stated about dying from alcoholicism. This seems so huge and so far-fetched to him that it will not deterr him I think.
Try mentioning the liver's deterioration to him, explaining that the liver is one of the most important organs in our body, it breaks down all 'poison'that enters our system.
Also, if he keeps drinking, his looks will disappear faster, he will get more lines in the face, bags under the eyes, his hair will thin more rapidly, he will get a pot-belly etc.
Above all, do not tell him NEVER to drink, that will seem scary to him, just ask him to drink less and maybe eventually he will stop altogether although a few drinks a month never hurt anybody.
Try not to make his drinking the all-important issue of your relationship, if you 'ignore' it, it will not go away but it will become less important, to him as well. as long as the drink is foremost in his head he will feel the urge to have one.
I hope this has been helpful, good luck!
2006-11-01 20:20:32 · answer #1 · answered by Courage 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Alot of people have a few drinks a week if he is not abusing the alcohol or treating you wrongly while he is drinkingg or putting himself in harm's way by drinkin and driving or becoming violent He may not truly have a problem. You can not control a man especially when it comes to his friends and hangin and drinking with his buddies if you guys have such a great relationship ask him about his drinking and let him know how much it truly bothers you, if you feel that he has a problem and it is only going to get worse take some time apart to let him know how serious you are about the situation and go from there. I know you love him but if you just deal with it you will never be happy. Good Luck
2006-11-01 21:23:43 · answer #2 · answered by Dawnie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You made a kid who destroyed your vehicle and was court ordered to go to anger management and he also has a drinking problem? He is an alcoholic and has not got to the place where he is willing to do what it takes.Screw cultural and crap he has a drinking problem and it doesn't MATTER what culture he is from a drunk is a drunk in ANY culture! What should you do? I'd advise forgetting marriage, call it off and file for child support.Tell him you have NO intention of marrying an alcoholic.Then YOU need to do what it takes never to drink again so your kid can have a stable home. Maybe calling off the wedding will make him see he has aproblem and he will be willing to do something about it then, if not, then he won't.However you will have avoided making a worse mistake by marrying an alcoholic.Your baby does not need to be brought up in that mess hon.
2016-05-23 13:17:26 · answer #3 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Does he have more than two drinks every night?Does he drink till he passes out more than once a week? Is he a fall down sloppy drunk? Is he abusive when he's drunk?If you answered yes to any of the above then I would suggest you walk no I'd say RUN away from him ASAP!
Many people like to have one or two drinks after a long day at work. that is far from being an alcoholic
2006-11-01 20:10:13 · answer #4 · answered by Jo 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is really up to you. Sounds like you really want someone to say 'yeah dont worry its not a problem. Go for it' But you KNOW that aint gonna happen. Or it shouldnt. If you want to stay with this guy then yes stay with him, but go and get your tubes tied now - because no child deserves an alcoholic for a father. Its not safe, a bad influence, emotionally crippling etc. etc. You know this - you sound like a very smart girl. Listen to your head. I have no doubt you love him, but sometimes loving someone is NOT a good enough reason to build a future together. Sorry I know its harsh but there it is. Either he admits the problem and gets help or he loses you. What do you think his decision will be? I hope its you, and he loves you more than the drink. But if its not, then isnt it better off knowing? And DONT BE BULLIED. Good luck. Trust your instincts.
2006-11-01 20:07:57 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can not change another person. They have to want to change theirselves. If he has been drinking for that long he won't stop. You will have to accept him just the way he is or don't marry him. I have been married to an alcoholic for 28 years. My man started at that age too. If he treats you good and is responsible about paying bills and is overall good otherwise then love him for what he is and don't look at what you think he might be without drinking. We all have things that need to be changed about ourselves. Nobody is perfect. My husband doesn't say anything about my faults so I don'y complain about his. If you fight about it now then it will get worse after you marry. The important thing is that you get along and are friends and he isn't mean to you when he drinks or anytime. I hope this helps. You might want to go to Al-Anon meetings to learn more about the desease and how you can help him and yourself.
2006-11-01 20:09:35 · answer #6 · answered by Just Bein' Me 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have you heard of Alanon? It's a support and discussion group for the relatives of people suffering from alcoholism, usually operated in conjunction with Alcoholics Anonymous. You can't get there fast enough! You need help. You may be able to suffer through your fiance's alcoholic illness now, but the road you are on is a long, long road of pain and suffering.
2006-11-01 20:07:34 · answer #7 · answered by lindakflowers 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think that u can spend ur whole life with that man, even I don't understand how can a mother encourages her son to drink.But LOVE is blind If u r determind about this relationship then U should take him to a rehabilitation centre otherwise U have to close this chapter bcoz U can't compromise with ur own life.
2006-11-01 20:19:51 · answer #8 · answered by camilia_13 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Leave him. It will not get better. The drinking problem will always be there. Ask him to stop. After he has thumped you for daring to ask, LEAVE him.
2006-11-01 20:03:17 · answer #9 · answered by eddie_schaap 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
dont know cause i never drink listen just tell him that ur afraid
and deal will the issue
2006-11-01 20:06:40 · answer #10 · answered by jesica 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋