i have been married 23 years just divorced last year i rescued her from a nasty piece of work he put cigarettes out on her arm beat her kicked her he was an alcholic smashed up the house on drugs he did all of this in front of his 1 year old daughter untill i met her 1 day i was in the army she told me about him 5 minutes later he turned up grabbed her by the hair and hit her i beat the living daylight out of him anyway we married i treated her like gold took her around the world twice bought her anything she wanted let her out when she wanted i was faithfull all the time she was unfaithfull within 3 months then 1 year then 3 then 10 then 15 i forgive her everytime she promised never again but i could not cope anymore so i divorced her i shall never trust a woman for a long time they really puzzle me im 51 and an old fashioned lover like to buy flowers chocolates i would spend 500 pounds on her xmas and birthdays so why did she cheat perhaps it was to much freedom for her i dont know .
2006-11-01 19:06:42 · 18 answers · asked by tommo 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
see a counselor for a few sessions and maybe you can work through some of those issues . . .
2006-11-01 19:10:34 · answer #1 · answered by a_blue_grey_mist 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Freedom had nothing to do with her cheating. Just because you're married shouldn't mean that you can't go anyplace alone. If someone is going to cheat,whether it be a man or a woman they will find a reason and a way!Cheating is their nature. So don't judge all women by the standards that your ex-wife has.,because we are no more all alike than men are all alike.By judging all the women you'll meet in the future you will probably miss out on one that would be exactly what you desire in a woman!Take time to heal your soul. Take one month for each year you were married. So don't even think about replacing your wife until 23 months from now.Get to know you and you'll be much happier in the long run!
2006-11-01 19:42:36 · answer #2 · answered by Jo 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You sound like a nice man but too forgiving 1 mistake I may forgive but not more .Women can be shameless we give them our best love and they break our hearts Once it was seen to be men only like this but now it has started to spread all over the world .I am 55 my wife left me to become single to do what she wanted and go where she wanted most people seem to blame this on women liberation movements and advertizing they make big money from divorces from the lawyer to the furniture store where when one leaves the other they need to buy new furniture clothes and hope to meet a rich man to take them around the world on his money .I am really sorry for you my friend but dont give up all women are not bad just try to be more choosey next time .You are not to old to fall in love again .Goodluck from...john
2006-11-01 19:25:25 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Cheating is something that can be triggered by anything love for another the naughtiness of it all, loneliness, the need to know you still have it, or just to push up bad self esteem, even a hidden need to sabotage a great marriage. Some people just are not good at commitment. It's not your fault it's hers for ruining what you had together but you need to seek counselling wipe the slate clean and find a women who is trustworthy...we r out there.
2006-11-01 19:12:49 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
She has lived in a hostile environment for a period of time so when she was with you she needed to cope with what had happened to her and unfortunately her solution was to go and cheat on you.
I'm not saying you should have abused her, but you both should have seriously thought of going to some counseling after the first incident.
With you taking her back all those times it gave her a mindset that it was okay to cheat, because she could say sorry and you'd take her back....it's like getting the best of both worlds.
2006-11-01 19:17:55 · answer #5 · answered by gopher977 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are a fair number of years older than I am but I've had a decent amount of experience with women myself. I've come to the conclusion that women, like men, will only do what they can get away with. I also do not necessarily agree with the myth that women cheat ONLY when they're unhappy with the relationship they're in. Let's face it, as human beings, we tend to appreciate challenges. whether it be in sports, jobs or relationships. From what you explained above, it sounds like she liked to be treated badly, as a lot of women do. And you liked the challenge of keeping her. You described yourself as somewhat of an "old school" guy when it comes to romance, you tend to think that flowers and candy, along with genuine honesty and kindness will maintain her love for you. It's a vicious cycle. Women always say we're dogs when we cheat or even look at another girl but in reality, they like the competition. Truth is, they can be just as vindictive, if not worse than a cheating man. It's good to hear that you're not in that relationship anymore. Good luck to you.
2006-11-01 19:20:13 · answer #6 · answered by Bruddah Shan 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Too much freedom for her??? Would your alternative be to lock her in a cage??? I know you're really hurt and confused by her behavior after all you tried to do for her...but sometimes abuse victims do this. Doesn't make it right, but it's not uncommon, especially if they had no counseling after escaping the nightmare of abuse. Often times they feel that their rescuer (in this case...you) is too good for them, and that they don't deserve to be treated well. Sorry you've been hurt, but don't think that all women are like this, because they're not
2006-11-01 19:13:18 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you just got a hold of a bad egg. Sometimes people are just cold hearted evil b-stards. However, perhaps you should not have been so forgiving.
I can forgive you once: Shame on you.
If I forgive you twice: Shame on me.
2006-11-01 19:13:25 · answer #8 · answered by Poppet 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I guess that's why the say"nice guys finish last".It is strange that many women like abusive relationships,and when they are given the chance for what I would call a normal,healthy relationship,they stray.
2006-11-01 19:12:57 · answer #9 · answered by want2wild 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
what's undesirable with regard to the full element is that she replaced into decrease than the effect of alcohol. maximum persons do no longer know what they're doing while they're decrease than the effect of alcohol and that's unhappy that this has got here approximately to you. in the journey that your gf is telling the reality that she stopped interior the trail of it, than she realizes she did incorrect and cares sufficient for because of the fact that she replaced into decrease than the effect of alcohol. i desire which you do what you think of is suitable for you and you're good: this is your first courting, there will be so plenty extra to return. desire that it helped.
2016-11-26 23:14:42 · answer #10 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Abused women have self esteem problems. Her infidelity had more to do with how she felt about her self, than how you treated her.
There is few troubling comments you made.
"You rescued her" and you "bought her all this stuff".
(does she OWE you affection?)
You "Let her out" and "too much freedom" sounds controlling.
2006-11-01 19:41:03 · answer #11 · answered by justpatagn 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋