i was into physical relationship with 5 guys, told him about 2.is it necassary to tell him about all.I love him a lot and dont want to loose him.Please help me?Out of which one was rape case.
2006-11-01 18:35:55 · 14 answers · asked by zeta 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Talking about your sexual history is O.K., the humiliation you suffered makes it harder for you to talk to him about it. Knowing about the rape will help him understand you. If it bothers him that much that he leaves, then he isn't the man for you.
2006-11-01 18:42:22 · answer #1 · answered by whatshisface 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Telling people details of past sexual relationships is never a good idea. I think it is sufficient to say that you have had relationships with other people before you met him that didn't turn out to be as meaningful as you were looking for and now that you have met him this relationship is more fulfilling for you and you are happy with him. If he cares for you this will make him feel that he is important to you and SHOULD put his curiosity and fears to rest over your past boyfriends.
The rape case is another thing. If it was a stranger rape, was it reported to the police and is there a police report on it. If this is information that others know and he might stumble upon he may be disappointed that you did not share this information with him and feel that you did not trust him. How long have you known this guy and is it really serious. You could always tell him later, whether it was a stranger rape or as most women encounter, a rape from a date or boyfriend (former), - telling him later that this was a very intense personal issue to you (as I'm sure it was and is) and that you wanted to wait until you knew him better to discuss this with him, but if your relationship is to progress to a serious one, it would be wise to tell him about this because there may be times that it might affect your relationship and he could also be of help in understanding you better if he knew you had gone through this trauma. I understand that you merely wanted to put a good face on the answer that you gave him when you said 2 instead of the 5 that were the actual number. The number does not matter, that is your business and don't let anyone put you down because it might be a bigger number than that person would be comfortable with. I think that men are more obsessed with this feeling than women. Most women don't care how many women their boyfriend has had a physical relationship with but they do care how many women he has loved (and does he still love any of them). You don't say anythin about your asking him how many women he has been with. Am I right, that only if he could spread an STD would it now be important to you.
2006-11-02 03:01:27 · answer #2 · answered by kathy s 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is no reason to discuss your past relationships with your bf. What happens in the past, stays in the past, and there is no way of changing it. I am sorry to hear about what happened to you. As for when you were raped, maybe that is something you can talk about, ot let him know how you feel about it. It can help him understand how you are towards things now. There will be a time for that though, it may be now, and then again maybe that will be something to talk about later. However, I wouldn't worry about explaining all of your past to him.
2006-11-02 02:44:03 · answer #3 · answered by stephanie21781 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, your sexual past is none of his business (unless you have an STD he could catch.)
Tell him you'll talk about it when YOU feel like it. If he pressures you into talking more, it shows he is insecure and controlling. If he's a virigin or less experienced, make sure he knows you are OK with that.
The trouble now is that you lied about how many men you've been with. I say avoid the topic if he brings it up again. Say something like "We already went over that. Let's talk about _____ instead." Or even something to make him feel better like "It doesn't matter, now that I'm with you, it's all I can think about."
2006-11-02 02:41:05 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would, even if very difficult. You don't want to go any further into a relationship where everyone is not being 100% truthful. and leaving something out or omitting something is lying. Time to fess up and tell it all or you may loose this fella for good.
God Bless.
2006-11-02 03:18:26 · answer #5 · answered by clsmlbkl 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, it's history--past. Whatever it is, there's no good to come out of sharing it. A boy/man who is insecure may use it against you. Leave it alone.
I hope that you have had counseling about the rape. If not, I would suggest it.
2006-11-02 03:38:27 · answer #6 · answered by KIT J 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, I didn't
Firstly, I didn't want to lose him
Secondly, I didn't want him to feel like he's second
Thirdly, I feel that if he really loved me, he would love me for who I am. For this reason, I have been on the edge of wanting to tell him and yet afraid to tell him of my sexual relationship in the past
2006-11-02 05:37:47 · answer #7 · answered by Mimi Momo 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I wouldn't devulge all of my past history to a boyfriend. It's not a wise thing to do. You might want to discuss the rape situation with him and how it made you feel and how you resolved it. But for the rest, it's none of his business.
2006-11-02 02:38:53 · answer #8 · answered by Sassy OLD Broad 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you don't want to tell him then don't. But there may be a time that you would want to tell him. So I don't think that it is necessary for you to tell him. ( I sorry to hear about your past relationships.)
2006-11-02 02:39:36 · answer #9 · answered by brittneyn127 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
for me the answer to your question is YES...
why? coz as a guy, i personally think that us guys need to know more about our girl's background...
we are curious in a lot of things but the girl's past is important for us...why is it important? coz it is part of the getting to know each other Process...
2006-11-02 02:53:38 · answer #10 · answered by Mark Anthony L 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋