Should I keep in contact with former crushes/loves?

Question

Thanks for helping me sort this out.

Back in high school, I developed a crush on a male friend. Nothing much happened, but we did have some emotional history.

Now a few years later, I'm married. This guy I used to like is now wanting to talk to me.

Should I, or should I not talk to him? I've heard to "keep the past in the past" but my former crush knows I'm married and may just want to see how I'm doing and catch up over these last few years.

P.S. My husband has said he isn't too fond of this guy, but also he hasn't specifically asked me not to talk to him.

Answer 1

Do not contact this person or get to know him all over again. Just let him know that you're not interested, through a friend and that you're not comfortable about it. You're married, focus this energy on your husband instead and leave the past where it belongs...behind you. The fact that your husband has said that he's not too fond of this guy is a warning sign that he's not happy about this situation but doesn't want to restrict you. You should show restraint on your behaviour and just leave this behind you.

Answer 2

Well you can look at this is many ways. First of all, is there a certain reason as to why your husband is not quite fond of this guy other than him being a past crush? I see nothing wrong with saying "hi" and catching up on how things have been since school says. Being married you should know where the line is drawn when it comes to anything other than friendship. On the other hand, it wouldn't be wise to hide it from your husband, or he might think something else is going on, if he feels the way he does already. So, I say go ahead, and if your husband asks, be honest, and tell him what was said. But if it causes to much conflict, it might be wise to keep the distance.

Answer 3

My first instinct is to say no...just because from the sound of it, this is a complicated old flame. I don't know how many people use the phrase "emotional history" to describe a past friendship with a member of the opposite sex.

Plus your husband does not sound like he cares for the idea at all, just probably won't explicitly ask you not to so he doesn't appear controlling or foolish.

If you and your husband are 100% solid and you guys are flying high in happy marriage land, then a quick cup of coffee with this old friend shouldn't be that big of a deal...but if you guys are still dealing with a new marriage and strengthening the bond (as many newly weds do) then exchange an email or two with this guy and leave it at that. Its strange that he's contacting you all of a sudden out of the blue...

Answer 4

I would say if your husband isn't fond of the idea, then you don't need to do it. Put yourself in his situation, would you want him talking to an old crush. I know for a fact that I would not want my husband hanging out with old crushes, just as I don't think he would want me too. This is not a trust issue, cause I have all the trust in the world in him. All I can tell you, it think about his feelings and how you would feel. Good luck.

Answer 5

You should first talk to your husband to know if he feels uncomfortable you talking to him. Make sure you tell him it's just a friend. Always try to talk things out first. Then meet this person and talk but always have in mind you are married and the position you are know. Don't let the crush be too close, something may happen. Let the crush know how happily you are with your husband. Just in case... Have a good time, good luck!

Answer 6

Reverse the question. How would you feel if your Husband's old "friend" wanted to talk to him?

Do you still have any more than friendly type feelings for this long lost crush? If you do, just let this friendship fade into the history books.

If you don't, I feel that if you keep your relationship with your friend open to your husband it shouldn't be an issue. HOWEVER, If your friend shows any indication that they want more than to just catch up over the years. Drop him (your friend) like a hot rock.

Answer 7

Seeing this guy is exciting because you still have a crush on him and you are trying to justify checking it out even though you know it is wrong.

Your commitment to your marriage is being tested.
Your husband is giving you enough rope to hang yourself.

What can you expect from meeting him? More emotional history?

"Why does it have to be in person what's the matter with the phone?" Kinda says a lot about YOUR intentions.

Answer 8

If you really love and respect your husband I wouldn't take a chance of ruining anything just to talk to someone from your past. Especially if it is someone you haven't talked to forever anyway. I mean is it really worth any risk of problems with your hubby? Also, if you are really thinking about this other person and your intentions feel a little more than just...hey how are ya...you should maybe rethink what your true feelings are in your current situation!

Answer 9

I;d talk to him. Introduce him to your husband, then he won't have to worry about what you are up to. The past is in the past. You are not kids. Just keep out of trouble. And remember what Dr. Phil says: It's not cheating if it something you would do in front of you spouse. These guys just may get along great.

Answer 10

Wow I am in the same situation. I am still friends with most of my ex girlfriends, and my girlfriend (soon to be fiancee) still talks to a lot of her exes, and we are both cool with it. I guess I am like your husband in the fact I never tell her to "nevert talk to them", but I am never going to be all buddy-buddy with those guys either. I have email relationships with my exes, and maybe we will talk on the phone a couple times a year to catch up, but it's not anything more. If you two trust each other then go ahead. I know my girlfriend is going to dinner with one of her exes next month. I am cool with it and I trust her, and the fact she told me (not asked my permission) first let's me know that she isn't going to be doing anything I wouldn't approve of. Just be honest and tell him that it is catching up with on old boyfriend. If you make him know you won't be bangin' this guy then you should be fine. If you do it in secret, then that's a bad, bad thing.