If you are over 18, what could your parents have done better ?

Question

I know all kids have issues with their folks after they leave the nest, but some are small and some are large. I look back as a 55 year old mom, and wonder what I could have done better.

Answer 1

I could go on about how, my mom never supported anything that I ever wanted to do, or be in life. But, I wont. I will say that I was very loved, and well takin care of. I am very grateful for the things I had growing up. My mom was was the oldest of 5 kids, and she was beaten almost daily. So in a lot of ways I dont think she knew how to be as supportive as I would have liked. I know as a teenager, I was a handful. I think my mom did the best she knew how. AS a mother of a 2 year old son, I do the best I know how. There will always be some kind of doubt, as a parent. I say let it go. Move on with life and cherish the good you have had. If life wasnt so great for some, then learn and try not to pass it on to your own kids.

Answer 2

My parents could have done alot better.... they could have actually been involved in my life and not neglected my sister and me.

They could have avoided becoming addicts and alcoholics so I might have had a chance at having a normal life and would not be so emotionally scarred from the resulting traumatic events.

They could have thought about someone besides themselves once in a while and let us know that we weren't unwanted, unloved or unlovable.

I am now 30 (my parents are 54 and 55) and I am just now able to live a somewhat normal life and deal with my parents on some sort of normal level (thanks to years of counsiling), my kids are endlessly confused as to why there's always so much tension and turmoil at my parents' house. I try to get the kids out as soon as I feel a scream-fest coming on.

I tell ya, I am damn glad that my kids have parents that care and that they don't have to deal with the sh*t I dealt with. Sometimes I wish they could see what my childhood was like so they could appreciate their own, but I would never really wish that upon anyone.

Answer 3

To be honest I don't think my parents could have done better. I am a 23 man. Now married with a child of my own on the way.

My parents never drank, smoke, or cursed. Me and my two brothers were always in church since we were born. They provided good parenting with proper discipline.

We didn't grow up well off though, I was born with a congenital heart defect and had to spend the first two weeks of my life in neonatal ICU. I have had to spend alot of time in hospitals. At the age of 10 I passed out underwater while swimming due to my heart defect. Later on at the age of 12 I was riding my bike at my grandparents house and was hit from behind by a truck. I spent two months in Emory ICU where I had to relearn to walk, talk, and swallow. It was a hard time for my family. To top it off, the insurance the guy that hit me had didn't have to pay a dime. As a senoir in high school I again passed out while over 35 feet in the air and fell and hit the ground. I broke my humerus, clavical, scapula, and ribs. I had to have surgery to insert plates and screw in my arm, and the next day surgery to insert an ICD to help with my heart problem.

I said all this because my parents during all this time never blammed anyone. And with the guy that hit me they felt it was wrong to try and sue the guy.

We have never had much money and alot of this was my fault. They worked all the time to pay the overwhelming hospital bills that reached over $123,000.00. My dad worked 3 blue collar jobs making about $8-$13/ hour in each one, at one time to pay bill and support the family My mom had a full-time job a part time job, and a weekend job Only making $10-$12 at each one.

My parents gave up everything for me and my brothers and I have always wished there was a way for me to repay them.

I have always said that if I ever won the lottery or something that that I would buy my parents a house and pay off all there bills first so they can relax for the rest of there lives and not have to work til they die.

Answer 4

My parent's could have been honest.
When you hide the truth even if it is to protect it doesn't.
If my parents had been honest perhaps I would not have taken so many wrong turns before finding the right road.
I'm not saying my mistakes are their fault, I am just saying I may have made as many mistakes just less horrible.
They also could have shown empathy. I am a parent now and I regularly look back at when I was my children's age, it helps me understand their thinking patterns, their level of comprehension, etc.
One last thing they could have highlighted my accomplishments, if they did that even 1/5 of the time the highlighted my failures I may have again taken a different/better path at an earlier age.

Answer 5

I know a lot of people say--and mean--this, but my childhood was really rough. I would give different advice to each of my parents. As for my mom, I wish she'd have taken a closer look at her life when I was 4 and she left my dad to be with another man who enabled her alcoholism. I wish she would've found the strength to chose our (mine and her) instead of giving in to her addiction. Addiction is tough, but if she couldn't beat it for the sake of her 4 year old daughter, then what will she do it for? I was deprived of an independent mother, and she was deprived of independence. As for my dad, I wish he could've managed his emotions better and tried harder to comprehend mine, especially as a teenager. I'd also stress the fact that if I was important enough to fight to have main custody of--with my mom having joint custody--then maybe I'd be important enough to provide a clean and somewhat more conventional place to live for. By about the age of 12 I did ALL the housework, and if I didn't then it wouldn't get done. Worrying about whether there's going to be practically rotting food in the sink on dirty dishes should be a little farther down the priority list of a preteen girl. There are so many things I wish my parents would've done differently.

Answer 6

I was adopted through a closed adoption as a child, and my parents did not realize how hard it affected me growing up. I felt completely unloved and unwanted. They never asked me how I felt about it, and I was hurting for most of my childhood. Much of these feelings have carried over into my adulthood. It is reflected by my relationship with others. Things were also said to me that was not necessary. Children are extremely sensitive to what is said to them, but adopted children are even more so. Many adopted children have a lot of pain. I'd rather not get into things that were said or done, but my parents could have done many things differently especially my dad. He needed and still does need anger management. He says nasty things to me when he's mad. He calls me names. He says I deserve it. Personally, I don't think any parent should call their child names no matter what they have done. I don't have the best relatioship with my parents. Although, they think we're close. If you plan on adopting a child, please get the proper counseling to help your child cope with issues they may have. If you plan on putting a child up for adoption, please make sure they will know who you are.

Answer 7

Nothing. I've made peace with my hang-ups from childhood. My parents divorce has given me that much more determination to keep my marriage strong. My mother raising us as a single parent was the push I needed to be a stay at home mom so my kids would have me there. Their horrible communication skills taught me to make sure it doesn't get that bad in my marriage. The moving alot taught me independence and not being scared by change. My Mom's horrid money skills taught me that bills get paid when they come in, not as you receive late notices.
They loved me, they did the best they could. I've heard stories from their childhoods, so I know they tried to make mine better than theirs was. It might not have been perfect, but it shaped me into who I am today. I like who I am. No regrets.

Answer 8

Well, it's a subjective question, but I would have to say in my case, my parents could have been more affectionate. I don't ever remember getting very many hugs or kisses or being told that they loved me. I am the youngest of 5 children, so i guess by the time I came around, my parents were just too busy for the niceties of child rearing. I don't hold it against them, however I will keep it in mind when i raise my own children.

Answer 9

My parents could have been there for me when I needed them the most during my teenage years. My dad wasnt there cause he was in prison and it was his fault so he could have made better choices, and my mother left me with my aunt, i was in school when she just left me a note saying she took my brother and just left. I cried for days!! I didnt know what to do. I still would like apologies from them but I dont ever think i will. I want them to tell me that they messed up!

Answer 10

i understand that my mum has been through a hard time recently but so have i i think the thing that i wish she had done tho was just been there for me gave me more support as i tryed my best and still got yelled at and verbally abused by her.i think that because it was cancer and her dad died and she lost a baby it affected her and only her i dont think she realised that with me id lost a brother and my granddad and my mum was going through cacer and i had to be a mum to my little brother whilst doing GCSEs so she wasnt there for me. and now i am finally geiving for my granddad and my brother as i couldnt do this before and my bf has been brilliant he has been a tattal rock if it wasnt for him right now i would still be self harming but hes got me out of it and hes getting me back on track. im finally getting my life sorted.
as for my dad he could have tryed not hitting me and then he still might be in my life.