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Question

I have married 14 years ago, I have a daughter 13 years of age. I remember how madly in love I was with him before marriage and it was me who wanted the marriage more than him. Until now I have had to live overseas with my husband and my daughter in my in-laws house, where we have been treated very badly by my mother-in-law and some of the brothers-in-law and their wives. Every time my husband came back from work and met his mother first in the other floor of our house she said something to disturb him so badly that he would come up to me and started scolding or even hitting me. I have tolerated through the years that he will someday understand. Today he realises his mistakes and he is trying heart and soul to make up for all his bad behaviours, but something is gone already from our lives. I do not feel the heat to make love to him any more as much as I would like to, I do not get excited looking at him, although he is very satisfied with me, physically and mentally. What should I do?

Answer 1

There is NO EXCUSE for a husband who hits his wife. No matter how much his mother upset him, he had no right to beat you.

A typical wife-beater will go through phases. He will beat you, then he will be very sorry and promise to make it up to you, and tell you how wonderful you are. You'll forgive him and decide to stick by him, then just when you think everything is wonderful, he'll start beating you again. Until you start threatening to leave, then he'll start making up to you again.

If this describes what has been happening to you, then I'm sorry, but he is never likely to change. He is only being nice to you, to stop you leaving him. Once he thinks you have relaxed and given up the idea of leaving, he will go back to his old ways.

On the other hand, if this doesn't describe his behaviour, then perhaps he really is genuine. Be patient with yourself, as it's unlikely you will rediscover your desire for him until you've rediscovered your trust in him. A marriage counsellor does sound like a good idea.

Answer 2

First off, don't leave him. For the sake of your daughter and your husband, hang in there. He has realized his mistakes, he has turned in the direction to change. Give him a chance. As for the lack of passion, talk to him about it. He can't do anything about a problem that he doesn't know exists. a lot of marriages fail because of a problem that one of the two didn't even know about. Talk to him, leave the daughter at a babysitter, spend a day together. Try to reignite the passion. It's often hard for couples to continue the flame they had when they were young as the years go by in a marriage. go out on dates if you can, get marriage counseling if you have to. However, do NOT break up with him if you can help it. If he continues the abuse, or if he decides not to bother with trying to quit, that's one thing. If he is changing, and you see progress, then that gives you no reason to walk out on him. Good luck!

Answer 3

It appears like you will have Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. One of the capabilities indicators of PTSD is a style of emotional numbing and incapability to believe some thing. However, you're going to have to get a extra thorough comparison through a psychiatrist to assess if this what the situation is. You say you did not revel in any stressful parties however then you definitely describe parties that might be stressful to someone. You must search therapy at a Veterans Administration health center. You say that you do not believe guilt or regret which might point out a character disease unrelated for your battle however you additionally say that you simply cry while you while you feel of anything dangerous going down to any person. This turns out to denote that you're in a position of empathizing with others and might be you're simply suppressing your emotions approximately those parties. . A certified psychiatrist can be equipped to aid you determine your situation and deal with it.

Answer 4

This is a VERY serious question and it deserves a VERY serious answer -- more of an answer than Yahoo Answers can offer you.

I would heartily recommend that the two of you seek a licensed, professional marriage counselor. Take it serously and be prepared to do it as long as it takes -- the problems you have did not happen overnight and they will not be solved overnight.

And, yes, do it today. Don't let it go another day.

Good luck to the both of you and God bless.

Answer 5

My husband started abusing me both emotionally and physically after the birth of our first child. He's even broken my bones. I'm planning to leave him. I ran into my former ex bf in June, and on Sunday hooked up with him. I did not think when I rushed into this marriage, so I am getting out of it and going with the one I was meant to be with. It's time to get out, honey. It's only going to get worse. This is the honeymoon stage. It won't last long. There is always a pattern, and it gets worse and worse and worse. Then it gets unusually better for a short time and then something extreme happens. Get out before he kills you.

Answer 6

I would immediately seek counseling for the both of you. He needs it to help him with his anger issues. There are few people who can "heal" themselves and no longer be abusive. He needs help. You both need to see a marriage counselor. Remember, these people are trained to help you. Most places operate on sliding fee scales if money is an issue. If he refuses to do these things, at any cost, it proves he is not willing to make it work, and you will most certainly need to get out of the situation. Your child does not deserve to be raised in that kind of environment, and you do not deserve it either.

If you are still residing in this foriegn country, find out what your options are if you end up needing to leave him. Go to the American Embassy if you have to. Whatever it takes to keep you and your child safe. It's fear of the unknown that holds us back. Get informed. My prayers are with you.

Answer 7

a mother-in-law is supposed to show love to the son's wife because his life is in the hands of the wife.but due to some stupid kind of possessive feelings of the mothers,they forget this fact & see their son as a 'replacement' for their husband especially if they have lost theirs.some even start nursing 'deeper feelings' for their sons.the young wife is therefore seen as a rival.even his sisters join force with such wicked mothers against another woman who left her own family & loved ones, to come & spend the rest of her life with them;instead of going to settle their own homes.this is pathetic.god,please help all women.why this happens,i dont know.maybe just natural...WELL,please forgive your husband & let your marriage bounce back to normal to shame them.he only reacted ignorantly.please forgive.MEANWHILE,you both should move out from the family house & save your home.

Answer 8

You don't say if you are a different nationality than your husband. If you are and you are living in his country you need to be very careful because they can take away your child. Even if you don't feel like it, be nice to him it seems you to stand to lose a lot. Be careful, Pray that your situation changes, you need a miracle. God bless!

Answer 9

I suppose your first mistake was marrying someone from another country & culture & moving to live with his family...
Unfortunately, yours is a common story...
If you divorce / leave him, he will keep the daughter and you will
go home with nothing to show for 14 yrs. of marriage...
No support, no assets, nothing....no way to make a living...
Sounds like your best option is to try to work it out...
Try to get him to move away from his family....

Answer 10

you should never under any circumstance be hit physically nor should you suffer verbal abuse.It is not the way to a good and happy life.It is now time to take leave and start your life anew.Yoy have a bright and prospective future.Get a backbone and find a way to get going again.Good luck to you