How to help my wife?

Question

I am a married person. One day I told playfully about another girl to my wife that the girl is beautiful. The girl was working in my office. From that day my wife have become upset and she is suspicious that I have illegal contacts with her.
I told many times that I have told for fun but could not make my wife believe me. Now We are in the stage of total upset. Everyday we quarrel each other. I have no idea of how to clear her suspicion.

I really love my wife very much. But now we both hate each other. I want to help my wife to recover from this because of me she has lost very hope in our family life..

Plse give me some suggestions and ideas

Answer 1

Counseling!!! ASAP!!

Answer 2

Get thee to a marriage counselor pronto. You need impartial marital advice.
There are lots of signs a woman could pick up on when her husband is having an affair:
1) Is he all of a sudden "working late" or odd hours or having drinks after work with "friends" when he never did this before.
2) When she answers the phone is someone hanging up?
3) All of a sudden he showers her with gifts and/or attention. (Cuz he's feeling guilty).
4) He has begun missing work & he won't show her paystubs to prove he hasn't taken unexplained time off.
5) She smells perfume on his clothes or
6) She find lipstick stains.
7) He doesn't want sex with her as often as he did before the affair.
Show her this list & if none of the above applies to you maybe that would convince her that her fears are unjustified. Tell her that, yes, the woman is beautiful but that you merely appreciate it and are very sorry that you were stupid enough to say so. Doesn't she find some men to be good-looking w/o her having an affair?

Answer 3

If she's that jealous there's something else going on. She's obviously insecure and possibly tranferring her transgressions onto you (someone who's going through your stuff to see if you;re cheating...is cheating).
Tell her she's beautiful, that you love her.

As far as fighting, you can be right, or you can fix it. There is no middle ground. Make your decision between the two and go with it. No blame, no fair bringing up the past. If you want to get over this, bringing up past transgressions is OFF LIMITS for both of you. If you;re in a disagreement about something, stick to the subject at hand. Take the high road, even if she doesn't.

If you're fighting, separate yourselves, go into a room and close the door. Calm down and write her a note. This keeps you from being irrational, saying things you'll regret later, and what you put in writing is going to sound a lot more adult than when you're fighting. Do NOT accuse her "I feel you're..." is going to sound a lot better than just "You're being..." Always consider the other point of view: Why is she doing this? What is her motive? Ask her.

Slipping notes to each other might sound 'high school', but it works, and there's no yelling.

Answer 4

There is something bigger going on than this. My wife and I talk about hot people all the time. I will make comments about hot women, she will make comments about hot guys, or talk about hot women as well. We are comfortable talking about that stuff. I have always told her I don't care where she gets hungry, just eat at home (if you know what I mean). We trust each other not to cheat so it's not a big deal. You two may have some unspoken trust issues, or other marrital problems you haven't dealt with. A little advice though...next time you start talking about how hot a woman is that you work with, say "I think we should set her up with (insert single male friend you both know). That way you don't make your wife think you were trying to nail this woman. I think it's healthy to talk about people you find attractive, it means you both are still "randy" for each other. If my wife starts avoiding the subject of hot guys and gals, then I know something is up.

Answer 5

I'm sorry but that was REALLY STUPID of you to say that. You NEVER tell your wife/gf that another woman is sexy attractive beautiful gorgeous lovely pretty cute nice looking.....
All i can say is don't argue with her when she rants about it. Just smile and say I Love You Honey. Give her many compliments through out the day everyday. Leave little mushy love notes all over for her to find. But DO-NT get p*ssed when she starts in on you about what happened. Just Bite you tongue and smile and say I Love You dear. Grab her and kiss her. she has a right to be upset. You're gonna have to do ALOT of positive reassuring to stop the negative that's begun. Good Luck

Answer 6

Try this:
Make her sit beside you and use a very serious tone. Look directly into her eyes and say,"I want to have this very serious talk with you because I feel that our family life is coming to an end. I do not want this." She will try to say something or make bad expressions or try starting an argument. Just say, "I will listen to whatever you have to say but first let me finish what I want to say. Then you can say and I will listen." If she stops, well and good, if she doesn't, get up grinly and walk out of the room. Do not say or explain anything. Whenever she starts something, look up at her face and her eyes seriously and then walk out. After one or two days, try again and say, "Let's talk without shouting or arguing. Please hear me out and then I will listen whatever you have to say." When she finally agrees to listen, tell her, "Look, I know you are hurting and you are in as much pain as I am. I am in pain for hurting you not because I am guilty of loving or lusting after some other girl but because I did not had enough maturity to understand how much it can hurt you. I meant this to be playful. I never wanted it to become so serious. I was wrong on making such a comment but I do not or cannot look at some one else in the same way as I look at you because I really love you. You have to understand this. You do not need to be insecure or anything abotu anyone. I am in pain because I know you are so angry because you are hurt. You have lost your faith in me and you think that I have broken your trust. I have not." Look into her eyes all the time. Then ask, "Apart from what I said, what made you feel that I am after that girl." Don't be angry when she points out silly things to you because when a person is angry, he or she sees everything, even the most innocent things, in negative light. Let her tell you everything she thinks, confirms her suspicions and explain everything point by point. Tell her that you were just being a colleague or a friend and that you can never dream of another lady in your life. Say, "I know it is only you who can decide to trust me again or not but I just wanted to say that I will regret living apart from you or for hurting you just because of something I said so recklessly. I am very sorry. May be someday you will find that I was not so wrong as you think and have the heart to forgive me and all this pain you are putting yourself through." Unshed tears in your eyes, your voice, your earnestness and sincerity will certainly win her back. If she cries, hug her gently and let her cry her heart out. May be later you can go to dinner outside and perhaps watch a movie and vow never to discuss this again. Good Luck!

Answer 7

Only time can answer about this problem. You try to convince her that you told for fun. The message has gone deep into her conscious such that she is not able to forget or forgive that.

If this persists for long donot hesitate to go to the counseller with her. A proper family friend or a relative can also help.

Answer 8

So its completely ur fault...how u can do this to her....anywayz.. dear u need to convience her..why dont u make that beautiful girl ur sis...so that she will nt suspicious abut u and that girl or u can leave that office...u have only two option i think..its really hard to trust..my dear hubby also does some kind of joke with me..its year now but still i cant believe him completely then he did what i said....ask her what she want you to prove that its not true..n you have to do so...its hard to convience someone if that person lost faith once... else it will eat ur relation.... best of luck to you..god bless you

Answer 9

Boy that was realyyyyyy stupid, so for now you must tell your wife 'although there are pretty girls, you are the most beautiful woman in the world' and 'you are so beautiful that I would NEVER cheat on you'.
If she is still mad after 1 week , schedule a session for both of you with the priest. Maybe he can help.

Answer 10

I am a married person too. If this helps, don't screw around with a woman's vanity. I know you were being playful and I understand, but in this regard you were being stupid. If you two love and/or need each other, you'll work it out. Just don't screw up again. Good luck.

Answer 11

Move. change your job move to a new state you may need to look into going to a new planet.

Never tell you wife some other woman is good loking. never