We fight occassionaly over finances etc. Last nite had a terrible fight. I feel all this crying takes a toll on me emotionally. I am unable to concentrate on my health and job. Some pointers please.. to help me recover and become strong.I am a sucker for love..and want to be loved. He does love me.. but does nt proclaim it. We are also trying for a child now. Both r in competitive jobs . help!
2006-11-01 16:31:37 · 14 answers · asked by s f 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Perhaps u need to learn to be more rational when discussing your issues. Getting all emotional is not going to solve anything. Besides, why are u fighting over money when u claim to have good jobs? Instead of arguing over it, why don't u both sit down and come up with a plan on who gets to pay what. U can learn to discuss this like two adults.
2006-11-01 16:58:35 · answer #1 · answered by cheetah7 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
And you are going to bring a baby into the mayhem? First; all couples bicker and argue at times. To want to feel loved and appreciated is very alright ! Your marriage has become a "business" arrangement and you both, need to recapture the spark. That is the trouble with both working ... your time together is stretched too thin. You arrive home tired and burned out; therefore, once you clean the house, do grocery shopping, prepare meals and other home maintenance ... you have zero spark remaining for one another ! Now; picture fitting a baby into the scenario ... WAR !!! Competitive jobs and a competitive marriage ... ouch !!! Marriage IS hard work and has to be worked at - not left on the back-burner left to simmer. My advice is attend to your marriage relationship and then, think about cutting back on working BEFORE you bring a baby into the fold. If you have a huge debt-load, you will have to reduce your standard of living. Remember; the baby didn't ask to be brought in to the "frenzy". Good luck to you.
2006-11-02 00:56:08 · answer #2 · answered by guraqt2me 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
All I can really say to you is marriage is hard. Fighting sucks and it is really difficult not to let it get the best of you. Take a little time away from him (and by this I mean, go for a walk, watch a movie, etc.) and you'll both feel a bit more civil. Also, a lot of men just aren't very romantic. Sometimes you just have to tell your husband that you need more affection/ romance. If he loves you and cares about your feelings, he'll pamper you a bit. Good luck and try not to worry- it was just one fight.
2006-11-02 00:35:59 · answer #3 · answered by Elaine 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Relationships are hard..Life is hard but for you to be crying all the time is not normal...you should argue yes if you need to but you shouldnt fight all the time...what are you guys fighting about ?...finances will break up people so thats not uncommon...if thats a problem, separate the finances you have yours and he has his own...fighting does take a toll on the body and mind..and it will kill you if you dont resolve this...you need to have some self respect and if you feel like you are giving your all and he is just giving half its not going to work...you say he loves you right ?..Well, he needs to show it and he needs to show it fast...you gonna come to a point in your relationship when you will feel like you gave it your all and then nothing feels right anymore and you will burn out...avoid fights...and if hes picking on you all the time and you feel like you are apologizing every minute its unhealthy and you are actually hurting yourself to still stay and continue this relationship...a relationship takes two people and if one is not putting effort, it wont fly...it wont even lift off the ground...you need to work out your differences and please dont bring another life into the world before you figure out whats going on between the two of you first...if you see trouble before the second yr of marriage you need to focus on those problems first dear....im married for 5, going 6 years and we are still having little butting of the heads and im still young and i want more time and he isnt pushing me so i can think about school and things clearly first its hard and i know how you feel you just need to think about these things before you jump in....
2006-11-02 00:45:29 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Seems you both need a vacation. After that, perhaps at least one night a week of completely "together" time. Set aside the money issues, the job, this and that...focus on love.
When my husband and I were new in our relationship, we both were stressed because of bills, college, job. I realized we hadn't gone out in a while. We talked about it and decided to go somewhere in the mountains. We put on our grubbies one Saturday morning and headed up there. You know what we did? We made mud pies, debris huts, played hide and seak. I did not care that I got filthy, and neither did he. It was so cool! It made our whole month, and it really helped things back at home. Maybe you both need something like that. It's like recharging your batteries. Learn to take time to play. If you have a baby, you want to be able to learn to take time outs so that it also doesn't put stress on your children. Good luck. :)
2006-11-02 00:39:48 · answer #5 · answered by sweeta : 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Now first of all why in the heck would you both be trying to have a baby, when you are having finance problems..you need to start learning to save, and quit charging..pay all your bills off first, then later after you have a savings then you know your getting along good, then plan for a child...
2006-11-02 00:37:22 · answer #6 · answered by qdrama1956 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am in a similar situation and i find it very calming to take time out for my self it really does work. the first step in creating a better relationship is adjusting yourself and to stop pointing the finger. once you both asses yourselves things will seem a lot better. another options is take a little get away weekend just the two of you. you say that you both have stressful jobs and that can really trigger relationship problems. i would work out the kinks that you have right now before having a baby use the time to enjoy each other.
2006-11-02 00:41:47 · answer #7 · answered by Honey Love55 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
you need to find a way to communicate with each other without fighting. Usually in the early years of marriage the fights are more about insecurity than the actual thing you are arguing about. try to look at the real source of your frustrations and then share the root of the problem with each other.
2006-11-02 00:35:45 · answer #8 · answered by justcurious 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Why are you fighting over finances when you both have good jobs? Thats a useless arguement. You both need to sit down and communicate what your problems are and address them, without anger. Dont suggest to sit down after the fight has started. Do it before one gets going. Each of you should be able to give your views without getting defensive.
2006-11-02 00:34:47 · answer #9 · answered by JC 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
A child will not make things better. The child would suffer.
Work on your problems first.
Communication and Respect
2006-11-02 00:49:32 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋