Child support. Am I screwed?

Question

In 2002 I divorced. We have a daughter, to which I pay child support. At the time, my ex was not employed, and still isn't, 4 years later. Cash out of pocket is $430 a month plus health care, at $100 a month. I've ok with this because she's been in school for a few years on grants and such.

New situation has developed. My fiance and I got pregnant in March. The baby is due 12/30. She's stayed sick, and miserable, and ultimately decided that she didn't want to be with me, even though I've worked my balls off to keep the lights on for both of us. She's moved back to TN to live with her mom, and taken my unborn son with her. I don't know if she may come back, but at this point, I feel she may never, as much as I want her to, because I want a family... with her. She's gotten mean and I'm sure she's gonna come after me. I don't anything to give. Rent? Car? Insurance? FOOD! GAS! Can't really function without this stuff. It's all gotta be paid. Now? Same scenario again. Am I screwed?

Shifty360? I wish you were right. I wish there was a pattern to which I could put a finger on. My first marriage failed because as is now, things were tight, and we were both scared and didn't know how to communicate, AT ALL. I'll regret that for the rest of my life. This time around, I just don't know. She just doesn't love me enough to stay. I've worked so hard to take care of us. I've told her every day that I love her. Tried to give her everything she needs; to be understanding. We were engaged before we lived together. Then, she started saying she didn't want to be here. I didn't understand and I still don't. Now, after all that I've fought for, she's gone. It's like she just stopped caring about me period. Soon it went from her not wanting to be here to "should I just go home?", everytime we'd try to talk about things. All I wanted was to have a family with her. And now that's been stripped from me. I've lost my fiance. My son. I feel like I'm being punished.

Answer 1

You should still have had a child support order from your ex even though she wasn't employed. It would be in arrears but you would be protected when her mom comes after you for child support, which she will.

All you can do is hope to god that when you go to court you will get some consideration for the fact that you've supported her alone for four years.

Answer 2

The only way you wouldn't end up screwed in this situation is if you moved to TN and entered into a joint custody/shared placement agreement. Being that you already have another child in your area, I can understand picking up and leaving that behind is out of the question. But here's your problem...the baby isn't born yet and she's in another state. If you don't file something in regards to custody/visitation, the mom is going to take full advantage of filing the paperwork in her jurisdiction, which makes you Sh!t out of luck hon. I know it's crazy, and completely wrong, but it happens alot. And if it reaches this point, the judge isn't going to care if you have to move into your parent's house and get two jobs to upkeep your child support obligation. My advice to you would be to express to the the baby's mom that she is denying your parental rights to this child and that you wish to have a hand in raising the baby, more than just in the way of a check. Tell her that you don't want to go this route, but if sh's adament about her staying in TN, you are going to file custody papers. The good thing about this is that if you file first, as in yesterday, in regards to her decision to remove your unborn child from your life, she's going to face some pretty stiff consequences from the courts. They frown upon things like that. She's working on some pretty strong hormones right now, after the baby is born, she's going to start listening to logic/reasoning again. Just don't give up. I know it'll be hard, but in the end, it'll be worth it hon. And please do yourself a favor and stop stressing over the monetary issues. I know being a parent and paying child support is quite the struggle, but even if you didn't separate, your monthly expenses would have gone up just supporting this little addition anyway. Focus on the emotional aspect of it, play on the mom's heartstrings and with a few prayers it may just work out.

I wish you well!

Answer 3

Hon, I hate to tell you this, but you are going to have to support both your kids. Next time, try to stay protected until AFTER the marriage if at all possible. All is not lost. You might still be able to work it out with your fiancé. She may be going through the hormone thing that pregnant women go through. Work on her slowly, gently. Start with letters, e-mails, work up to phone calls. Tell her how beautiful she is and how much you love being with her. Tell her that she is your everything and you are so happy that she is going to be the mother of your child because you always thought she would be an awesome mom. If you still love her, go after her with everything you've got. Not having to pay extra child support payments is a good incentive to give it your all. God Bless!

Answer 4

wow, houston we have a problem....do you see a pattern here ?...well, you father the children you got to support them whether it is money or love...I'm sure you love your children from both women....but you need to support them no matter what.. I dont see you as being screwed i see you have to some heavy responsibility here...do you have a job that you do to support your kids?...why did fiance leave this time?...what was going on there ?....with any breakup theres animosity right?..so thats inevitable...thats a given ...but you need to figure out how much can you make money to pay for your support...its hard enough to have one ex ..now you got two...relationships fail sometimes and theres nothing you can do about it but you got to be responsible my dear...you have to come your end 50/50 then its up to the women to meet you at some point and if you are really worried try to talk to a lawyer or court about fathers rights...im sure there is some support system in your town ...again i really feel for you on this. and if you go ask about visitation rights?.. :::kisses

Answer 5

If and when she decides she needs help with the child, yes, you will be screwed. If she dislikes you as much as you say, she may choose to sever ALL ties with you and raise the child on her own. You won't pay money but you won't see your baby either.

ONLY she knows what her plans are. Talk with her. See what her plans are and then you best start planning to come around. When it comes to divorces and children, the woman always wins in court, unless she is a unfit mother. Just a fact of life. Good luck. Pops

Answer 6

Yes you are. My dad had kids with a few different women and ended up just quiting his job because his paychecks were going strictly to child support. If you have a little bull **** job the state only requires you to pay so much or should I say so little so while it may be selfish his theory is he is not going to work his balls off for an ex so he has a low paying crappy job instead.

Answer 7

Since you will have 2 children - it will be taken in to consideration that you have 2 and will be paying less-after they do the adjusting= if the time comes for you to pay cs on the younger one- contact the cs division you pay through- and let them know you have another child to support and the payment should be lowered-paying through the cs division it helpful and they have record of everything-let both divisions know= when the time comes that u have 2 children- D

Answer 8

can you afford all this emotionally and financially. any way you look at it you are going to be responsible for more child support. and do you really want to be with someone that runs at the first sign of trouble.you need someone that will stand with you no matter what

Answer 9

I can sort of understand your siduation...but if and when she takes you court....they will ask what you make and what ur living expense are. They will also ask about your current childsupport for ur older child. So you wont be totally broke but they will factor everything. You can also see what you can do about her taking ur child away from you even thou it is not born yet.

Answer 10

Not really. They usually go by what you can afford to pay. And she needs to get a job to help, you can't do this alone.