Had a terrible fight over finances with husband.?

Question

He wants me to handove entire salary for his credit card stuff. He wants to make sure i have no balance in my account and i need to ask him for money everytime. Having said that, he is also paying a lot of debts and loans from his salary. He says y should i have an account seperately. If i need the money , i can ask him anytime. I wish to be independant economically. This lead to a bad fight. lots of tears and no sleep.. i am dazed and confuse.. does he love me? Help!

Answer 1

I'm a big believer in having seperate savings and checking accounts in addition to a joint account. I've been married for 21 years and most of our fights were about money. We found very quickly that the best thing to do was put money for household expenses in a joint account, have individual accounts for expenses incurred on our own, and we would put some money in a joint savings account and some in a individual savings. It sounds like we have a lot of money, we don't. We learned to budget very carefully, use credit cards sparingly, and to remember that if one of us spent too much money, the pay-off came out of money that was our own and not to depend on each other to bail each other out. We haven't had a money fight in a long time. It sounds like your husband is on a power trip and you are there to serve him. If you work, you have the absolute right to have your own accounts and to have your own money without having to demean yourself by asking to have money THAT YOU EARNED. If his expenses are incurred by him, for him and had nothing to do with you, your family or your home, they are his and his alone. Good luck, you are in a tough spot.

Answer 2

Wow.. this is something I am an EXPERT at having gone through several years ago and it was not for lack of loving eachother deeply. Bottom line is this situation is NOT alright...
Honestly, he is obviously being very selfish and controlling probably out of his own fear.

THIS is a tough one that plenty of ppl have gone through or are dealing with at this very moment alongside with you...
What WE did eventually was close both of our individual accounts and opened one joint account. We got rid of the credit cards so we wouldn't be tempted to keep spending and we prioritized our bills, made a payment plan that we STUCK BY....
We both worked our butts off to tear down that debt wall that we'd built.... You HAVE to do this as a partnership because you're supposed to be partners in life... Right? You need to remind him of this. I'm going to assume that the stress of the debt is just driving him to behave stupid and controlling because he's scared of the debt. Ask him.... this may be it...

Didn't take long before we got those finances under control, still have that account for the household bills & savings payment and each have our own individual accounts now as well that we transfer a specified amount into each payday to do what we wish with.... BUT.... both of our paychecks go together into that household account FIRST and bills are paid FIRST....

Bless your heart... I truly hope that you two will also be able to comprimise and figure out how to do this together. Don't let this split you apart because it's not worth it... This is the time when you will need to pull together...
Money comes and goes.... it's not as important as your relationship...
He shouldn't have full control over the finances by any means...it's a mutual responsibility and you're BOTH going to have to sacrifice...
Love eachother...... Tell him I said so.... :o)

Answer 3

If you give him your salary, he will incur more debt. He does not know how to manage money. If the debt is a mutual thing then offer to pay a credit card payment. Ask for the statement and mail it yourself. If the debt has occurred because of his mismanagement then I wouldn't offer him anything. There is nothing wrong with having separate accounts. There is also nothing wrong with having joint accounts as long as they are truly joint. You should have FULL ACCESS to any and all joint accounts. You shouldn't have to ask for money. This is his way of controlling you. He thinks as long as you are dependent on him for money then he can control your actions. Where you go, what you do, when you do it, how much you spend, what you spend it on, and where it will be spent. Do not let him control you this way. Offer to help if you want to but stand your ground. If he keeps insisting on this, maybe you two should consider counseling or maybe more......

Good luck!!!!

Answer 4

That sounds pretty selfish to me, the two of you are going to come to some compromise here. However, I would never work all week and hand over my paycheck and be broke nor would i expect my mate to do this either. Perhaps the two of you should have a joint account that you both put equal money into to pay the bills. And if he has incurred an extreme amount of debt he needs to consider getting a second job until it is paid off. Good luck and God bless

Answer 5

I'm a guy, so let me try to answer this question and get my two points.

Your husband has issues in control. Maybe he was once hurt by another woman and now has issues in trust. Now that he tricked you into being his wife, the gloves comes off. It's strategic; first he will deprive you of your personal funds, then education, by making you become a "housewife" and non other. He would then talk bad about your friends or that you should start hanging out with 'his friends ONLY'. If you submit to that, he will start working on your family but creating something out of nothing. All of this will take about 5 years or so before the process of dehumanizing is complete.

Let's see... 5 years from today, you will be uneducated because of the SO many years out of work, you will lack work experience. You will have no one to help you because you have no friends; he has already deprived you from that. Also, your family hates you.

If I were you, don't let him deprive you of ANYTHING. Marriage is a partnership with equal power. REMEMBER THAT. Best wishes.

Remember, This is coming from a man.

Answer 6

That's what they do when they can't manage money - get books on financial planning (and you two study them and make a budget) and keep your check in your own account(separate from his until he's able to manage his own money better) --- and Pay Your Share of the household bills ....
I believe he loves you but the issue for him now is getting more money in his hands.... you don't have to go to him for your own money, that makes no sense.... he wants control - let him know you aren't buying it - since he can't handle his own money properly, let him know that when he's able to manage his own money better then you and him can establish a mutual account.... but at this time he needs to cut up the credit cards and get a part time job to pay off his debt. He won't like this solution! But him having credit cards and no self control isn't working either!

Answer 7

I would suggest a few things first you both need to sit down and discuss the money issue. Then arrange a time every week to sit down and pay the bills. Each of you should get an equal weekly allotment. and NO SPLURGING!
Subscribe to Money magazine. They had a survey two month ago to fill out with your spouse and then away from them. Interesting results in our house.
Best of luck this is the biggest reason for divorce

Answer 8

Find out your total monthly expenses and try and talk to your husband about setting a budget based on your combined earnings. Put your paycheck into YOUR account and either pay certain bills from it or transfer an agreed upon amount to him each pay period to go towards bills. You should not have to beg money from your husband, especially if you are gainfully employed! Wait until he is not angry and calmly ask to see the monthly bills and go from there. Good luck!

Answer 9

Sounds like he wants to control you. Control can be a dangerous thing. You better make sure you want to be married to him. If you don't think he poses a threat then stay but know for sure. You guys are married so go for a joint account. This way the money is community money and no one has to ask permission to use it. Just make sure to ask each other before making any major purchases and keep your account balanced. I always call my husband before spending money. Not because I need permission, just to make sure we can afford what I want to spend. I wouldn't want to put us in debt. He makes purchases without talking to me because he knows what money we have but when it comes to big money he calls me first to make sure I am ok with it. That is how a marriage should be. Good luck!

Answer 10

Make a budget for what needs to get paid monthly. You guy split it or come up with a fair amount for each to contribute. You deposit that into his account or a joint account to pay the montly bills from. Then you manage your own money that is left over and he manages his money that is left over.