I recently found out I am a sadist, (someone who gets sexual pleasure from another ones pain) even though I have it completely under control, I can't imagine why I have these feelings. I love my boyfriend, but I still have fantasies where he's tied up, and then I ******************************************************************* until he begs me to stop. What causes one to have these feelings of hatred towards a certain gender? I don't want to hate men, but it's just there and I can't help it, which is crazy because I think it's wrong to hate someone for their culture/sexuality/religion/gender. What do I do? Why do I want this? What caused it?
2006-11-01 13:36:08 · 15 answers · asked by StarGirl 2 in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
Well, reading over your question (and unable to read a line of it due to it having been censored out with stars), it seems to me that you are mixing up sexual feelings with outside life.
You say 'what causes one to have these feelings of hatred towards a certain gender?'. You know better than me of how you feel, but is it really a hatred of men that you have? Wanting to sexually torture or humiliate another person doesn't mean anything outside the bedroom! Now, there are people who are sadists throughout their entire lives, and there are those who keep it only sexual. Moreover, even those who are sadists in all aspects of their lives may absolutely respect and love those who are the recipients of their sadism. The point I'm trying to make, I guess, is that it's doubtful you actually hate men- you say you love your boyfriend- it's something else going on with your sadism.
There's a lot that makes control enjoyable and sexual. Torturing (and I use that as a relative term- a little whipping, etc.) is a demonstration of your ability to have control, to roleplay in that way, possibly to have some control if you feel you don't have any in the other parts of your life. Or it can just get you hot. There are a lot of connections between sex and pain- both are intense physical and emotional sensations. Both show how much the body can take and how it reacts. A lot of people dabble in it- from a sexy little pinch, to a slap on the tush during lovemaking.
I'd also remind you that sadism doesn't equal inhumanity. There are also masochists- people who love to get what sadists dish out. And you might want to check out some BDSM literature to see if how you feel checks out with traditional definitions- a lot of being a sadist, at least the way it is defined today, is loving and taking wonderful care of your 'slave'- pain is a good part of an overall relationship.
Of course, whether you want to let your boyfriend in on this or keep it as a fantasy is up to you, although a lot of men get turned on by a woman who takes control in the bedroom or even of being submissive. But maybe tone it down a bit the first time.
Good luck, and don't worry, you aren't alone! This is very normal!
2006-11-01 15:41:13 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
From some numbers that I looked at a while back, somewhere around 20% of people have BDSM (Bondage, Domination, Sadism, Masochism) fantasies and about another 7% actively engage in BDSM. It's normal and can be part of a healthy sexual relationship as long as everything is "safe, sane, and consensual." Basically, make sure your partner is ok with what is done, you're not inflicting too much pain in the worng areas, etc.
2006-11-01 16:16:16 · answer #2 · answered by carora13 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I suggest you let your boyfriend tie you up and see how you feel once the shoes on the other foot, perhaps you'll change your mind, or like it more. I tend to agree with da ben da, it's usually a power control thing. Pain and pleasure are closely related. Anal sex hurts me yet I still like it once in awhile. I am not convinced it's a hate thing, unless in your fantasies it's going further than you can relate here. Causes? Who knows? Low self esteem? Verbal abuse from a parent? Need for control in all aspects of your life? Can't tell from just one question, it only creates more questions. Whatever you do, do it easy. Hate to have you lose a boyfriend you love. Discuss alittle experimentation with him. And good luck.
2006-11-01 14:39:08 · answer #3 · answered by truckinotter 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
That's not too weird. You aren't crazy, you simply have an S&M bondage fetish. Some people like to be smacked, some tied up and gagged. Some people like to be choked out. It's not hatred. You like playing a game of dominance and submission. It is said to release certain hormones in your head to make you feel better. Pain and pleasure kind of go hand in hand. Read some of the works of the Marquis de Sade. It doesn't make you weird, sick or twisted, just a person with a fetish.
2006-11-01 13:40:54 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
To answer your question you need to look in the mirror first ask your self the following questions. Do you love Pain? Do your truly enjoy hurting others? Do you think that there is Joy in what you do? Do you believe in a Higher power? if so Do you think what you are doing is right. if you are truly a Sadist and do not currently worship Satin, you still have a choise this is a gift we all have been given "free will" you have the choise to stop what your doing and discover true love and joy. please feel free to e-mail me.
2006-11-01 13:50:59 · answer #5 · answered by dheck03 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Lots of therapy could probably answer that question, but not strangers online. It is not healthy to enjoy inflicting pain on others.
I would like to point out that there is a huge difference between the control fetish of bondage and actually inflicting physical pain on someone.
2006-11-01 13:38:16 · answer #6 · answered by Michael 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
You're confusing the infliction of pain with hatred.
The two are mutually exclusive. You can inflict pain on someone (in a sexual way) and love them deeply.
Remember that the pain and pleasure centers of the brain are right next to each other and the electrical activity in one will spill over to the other...
2006-11-01 13:39:13 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 2⤋
Is it hatred?? Sounds more like it's about power and control to me...but I'll leave your question to someone who's really into S and M.
2006-11-01 13:38:28 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
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2016-10-03 04:46:27 · answer #9 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
ha....umm tiny bit odd..maybe its from past experience or something that happened to you. srry im not much help
2006-11-01 13:41:35 · answer #10 · answered by hmongheroz 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋