He just opened up about it after a decade and has no intention of ending his many relations, knowing they are emotional infidelities, and in fact intends to develop more and strengthen both his current and future developing relationships.
2006-11-01 13:30:40 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Oh, sweetie. I am so sorry you have to go through this emotionalyl taxing situation. I know why you are e-mailing his cyber lovers. You are hoping that THEY have a conscious because he does not. You are hoping that they will see what they are helping him do to your relationship and that they will back off. They won't. They are just as addicted as he is.
Let me tell you something, Hon. This is going to be a hard one for you. That kind of addiction can be as bad as crack, heroin or methamphetamines. When people get addicted to cyber sex and trust me, that is happening between him and his 'friends', it is hard to stop. I bet he is and has been neglecting you for a long time and I know it hurts. This is not to be treated lightly. He IS betraying you with these cyber ‘friends’. If he is sharing any of his personal self with them or telling them about your relationship, it is a betrayal.
I bet you have wondered to yourself a million times, how he can be so attached to a cold machine? Well Hon, some men will tell you that having Cyber Lovers is some of the best sex they have ever had. They don't have to worry about being nice to get what they need to get off. They don't have to say nice things or be considerate. The Cyber Sex is all about them. It is also FREE. Emotionally and financially.
My question is…what about you? What about your needs and wants? He is withholding a part of himself from you when he does what he does. He is making you feel, unwanted and uncared for. I know you guys have had PLENTY of arguments over this to no avail. I bet he is telling you that you are trying to control him and tell him who he can have as friends. I know he is trying to paint you as controlling because you want what is rightfully yours. His complete loyalty and his emotional/physical fidelity. I bet he tells you..."Well at least I am not running the streets," as a way to try and make what he is doing seem better.
He needs help. You cannot help him. He will try to turn the whole thing around on you when you try to point out the wrong he is doing. He will try to make you feel like it is your fault. He has lost the respect he should have for you, his wife.
You are going to have to come to a decision about this. You are going to have to gather your courage and tell him that he has some decisions to make. That you deserve more that what he is giving. There is more to being a husband and father besides bringing home the money. He needs to be the person you feel safe with. How can you feel safe with a man who will not give up Cybering for his relationship?
He needs counseling. His addiction is only going to get worse. I bet it started out small. He was only doing this every once in a while. Now he practically lives on the net. It only gets worse. Soon he will want to experience the fantasy first had. Get him help before it gets worse. Don’t enable him. If you have control over it, get rid of his access to the net. Now I know this might cause a big fight, but YOU ARE WORTH IT! Any woman how has been with her husband as long as you have put blood, sweat and tears into the relationship. You deserve his complete loyalty. I hope and pray it all works out for you, and it can work out. It is just going to take some work, but I bet you already knew that. God Bless.
2006-11-01 15:21:18 · answer #1 · answered by ME 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Darlin thats a bad bad situation you have there . He is commiting adultry just as sure as if the women were with him in person I feel for you sincerly. I know from expieriance how an online romance can ruin a marriage . My ex is living with a guy she met online although they never got married I seriously doubt they will either . If you were able to get incontact with his cyber sluts and convince them to break it off . The problem would remain with your hubby you need to cut him loose
2006-11-01 21:39:18 · answer #2 · answered by Peace of Mind 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's worth a try - that's one way to get him to stop his acting out on his sex addictions.. He'll probably try and find other ways of carrying on this conduct (using the computer at his job, or at the public library) but he's more likely to get caught by authority figures - and that might cause him to "bottom out"
And hitting bottom is the first step to getting him to deal with trying to recover from his addiction
Good luck
2006-11-01 21:35:53 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
he has told u of his intentions, how many wives actually know ahead of time what to expect so that they can make a rational decision. u can e mail them, and ask them to stop, and if u succeed, know that he will just find others.it's just a way he can avoid working on his marriage, he is in some dream world. he is using time he should be spening with you with these other women. personally if a man told me he wasn't interested in changing a situation that caused me alot of hurt, i would divorce him, not because i didn't love him, but because i no longer could put up with the hurt and rejection. have u tried to set boundaries with him. sometimes we stay in situations that aren't good for us emotionally because we are afraid of the unknown. your being so disrespected and how can u just go on with this man?
2006-11-01 21:46:07 · answer #4 · answered by jude 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Heck, I would supply each of them with the others email addresses and let em compare notes...then "accidentally" tip the computer off the desk on the floor, several times if necessary.
Then I would get a lawyer and take half of what is left.
2006-11-01 21:40:44 · answer #5 · answered by OleMarbleEyes 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
what's wrong with you!!!!!
the man is having affairs online and you have the nerve to ask this stupid question?
give him an unltimatum, either he wants you or his cyber lovers.
he's getting off online behing your back for 10 yrs.
your husband is sick!!!!
he told you he has no intention of ending his online relations
pack his **** and tell him to get the **** out!!!!!
you deserve better
2006-11-01 21:36:22 · answer #6 · answered by msalb 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am in 100% agreement with MSALB . Your husband is an addict, he has no real love nor respect for you, other wise he would see how this is hurting you and he would try to get help... dump the sorry loser bastard.
2006-11-01 21:42:04 · answer #7 · answered by Sundar 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No; he's already told you what he's going to do. Nothing you do or say is going to change that.
Focus your energy on developing a healthy, fulfilling life without him.
2006-11-01 21:34:04 · answer #8 · answered by Le_Roche 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You could, but it probably wouldn't do any good. If the ones you write to stop talking to him he's just going to find more. He's in need of some serious counseling.
2006-11-01 21:34:00 · answer #9 · answered by Michelle *The Truth Hurts 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
instead of contacting them, contact a lawyer. Your husband is cheating on you. I don't care if he ever actually meets one of these people or not, he is being unfaithful, and you said yourself he has no intention of stopping. GET OUT.
2006-11-01 21:33:36 · answer #10 · answered by tigweldkat 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋