I have been married for 12 years. My husband has had 3 affairs. He claims he has no intentions of ever leaving me, I am his cherished and his one and only. He says that the sexual attraction or act are completely separate from the feelings he has for me.
Is this a guy thing? How many of you feel that you can be completely in love with your mate, and have extra "friendships" on the side that do not take away from your primary relationship?
2006-11-01 13:02:55 · 12 answers · asked by Curious 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Being attracted to another person is a human thing. It's natural. Making that attraction an excuse for being unfaithful is a scummy thing.
2006-11-01 13:06:34 · answer #1 · answered by Royalhinney 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The only way that i see this as acceptable behavior in a marriage or any relationship is if the two partners have an arrangement/ understanding of these "extra friendships." Since it sounds like you both have not come to this agreement then he is not being faithful to you and true to the promises and commitment he made to you. Would he allow you to do the same? Can you have other frinedships with other men? Not saying that you would want to but it sounds as though your husband wants to live a married life and have his single fun/ casual sexual aquaintances on the side and that's just him being selfish! He obviously feels that you will accept his ways and that there are no reprocussions for his actions! Its time you begin to think about your wants and needs! It's time you start demanding for your marriage to be a certain way and what the consequenses will be if he decides he doesn't want to abide by them! Don't let him dictate the marriage. You are a partner in this relationship and your opinions and your feelings count! If he's not willing to change for you then he doesn't value you the way he should and doesn't deserve a faithful, committed woman such as yourself! Don't give up yet...talk it out with him and lay down the line....I wish you luck and continued strength!
2006-11-01 13:15:22 · answer #2 · answered by Melissa 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The question here is WHY have you put up with this and still are married to him.
What part of the vow..love, honor, trust, and be faithful to doesn't your husband NOT understand. He is breaking his vows to you over and over again. And you let him.
Hon, this is not a marriagae. This is a man who has his family that makes him look respectable and then he has his lovers to take care of himeself. That is the most selfish thing I have ever heard. The sadder thing is that you have to ask if this is ok. NO I repeat NO this is not ok. This is NOT a marriage.
It sounds like he has total control over you and that he can convince you of anything and everything. He says jump and you say how high.
Time to get back your soul and stand up for yourself. If he can't keep his marriage vows then why be married????
You need to figure out who you are. And what you need from a man.The wait until you find a man that is right for you.
Why stay with a cheater? You are worth way more than this!
P.S. I have to add one more thought. He has had three affairs that you know of. From what you have said about him I bet there are so many that he can't count them. He shows no intention of stopping his behavior.
Do what you goota go
2006-11-01 13:12:32 · answer #3 · answered by clcalifornia 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Your husband is talking crap! There's no excuse for affairs, ever! How can you tolerate 3 affairs?? He may be a sweet talker, but it's time for you to stand your ground. Enough is enough! You need to find someone who will truly love and honor you. Faithfulness is a very important thing in a marriage. When that's gone, a relationship will hurt, big time. I do get attracted to other men, and that's natural. But if I have the intention to carry that relationship to the next level, I'd be cheating, and that's not OK.
2006-11-01 13:09:54 · answer #4 · answered by Hanna 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
To me, faithful means not doing anything the other person wouldn't approve of. I chat to other men online etc and my man knows about it and has no problem. He chats to women, again I know and I have no problem with it. However, if he came to me and said he wanted to have an affair and I said no and he did it anyway, then that isn't being faithful.
Even though your husband says he will not leave you because you are his cherished one and only, then he should do nothing to jeopadise that.
He is doing things that can affect all of your mentally and physically. You have no idea where these women he is with have been. Do you really want him bringing what could be a deadly disease into your life?
For me, if he cheated once then shame on him. If he cheated twice, shame on me for putting up with it. I would have left after the first affair because he obviously doesn't respect me enough.
2006-11-01 13:09:51 · answer #5 · answered by sarah071267 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As bad as I hate to say it....yes, it is a guy thing. But, it is also a gal thing. I believe that it is possible to be in love with one person, but still feel a wandering urge that holds no sentimental or emotional attachment to it, like is in their marriage.
It is sad, but unfortunately this is what our society has abounded to. Not for all marriages!!!! Some people are totally faithful; (emotionally,physically,etc.) to their wedded mate and nothing can cause them to stray.
Only you know if you can take him at his word as to whether he will stay with you forever or whether he will be swayed someday by one of his little "extra" relationships outside of your marriage.
If you cannot handle it, I would leave. Also, I would make him promise that he will use protection EVERY time, so that he doesn't bring anyhting home to you, and won't have to worry about having to support a love child someday in the future.
2006-11-01 13:39:24 · answer #6 · answered by lildragonlexi 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he truly loved you he wouldn't cheat on you. Faithfulness includes sexual relations with only your spouse. It is demeaning to say that "friendships" on the side is okay. It's his way of having his cake and eating it too.
2006-11-01 13:07:38 · answer #7 · answered by Annie R 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he loves you, You should be his one and only. Marriage is a sacred thing between a woman and a man. When you get married its telling each other that you are THE ONE, THE ONLY.
Not the one in between. I think you should think about it really hard.
2006-11-01 13:11:24 · answer #8 · answered by ganstagirl 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
as someone who is having an affair it's more than just the sex. You have a choice either live with it or get out. good luck
2006-11-01 13:13:01 · answer #9 · answered by ? 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I define unfaithful by your description of your husband. If it's ok with you that he finds sex elsewhere why would he leave you? It's called having cake and eating it too. Whatever that means!
2006-11-01 13:06:53 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋