I recently married and am now experiencing the drama my new family so carefully hide before I married. My wife is the type of person who bites her tongue when a particular aunt expressess her unwated opinion. Her aunt is very hard headed and often hurts the feelings of other family members due to her beliefs. The petty arguments/ rumors that she starts finally involved me and im not the type of person to avoid speaking up. My wife as well as I do not want a fight with this aunt but do want to express our (My) feelings to hopefully show her aunt the hurt she inflicts. Is this possible and how?
2006-11-01 11:40:11 · 24 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Well I ca REALLY relate to what you are saying having a FEW family members who have tried to pull the same thing with myself and my wife....and like yourself I am not one to hold back lol. You could try talking to her...however I don't think that is going to get you very far. What I did when one of my wife's family members was spreading rumors about me was I confronted her in a very nice way....which is NOT my normal approach for me lol...when all the rest of the family was around....I just said to her "So I think we need to clear something up...I have heard that someone told you that ( insert rumor)...well just to let you know this is what really happened. So just so we don't have this problem again....nest time if you want to know something please just ask me.
You know to this day we do not have any problems with her....come to think of the rest of the family don't either.
Best of luck....and remember Calmmmm......lol
2006-11-01 11:59:56 · answer #1 · answered by oldman 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can understand you have recently married and want to have a good relationship with your in-laws. I believe that is important. BUT with all fairness, perhaps the aunt is the way she is because people have allowed her to say whatever comes to mind without thinking.
If I were you, I would kindly pull the aunt aside and let her know you don't appreciate the remarks she's made concerning you. Let her know, you will not stand for her being disrespectful, etc. Some people like her you may have to let them have it and still be tactful in a way she knows you are serious. AND trust me, she'll rethink her thoughts several times before opening that pie hole of what she calls a mouth.
2006-11-01 20:21:38 · answer #2 · answered by WhatEVER27 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is no reason that either one of you needs to expect uncomfortable feelings around either of your relations. If this "aunt" is truly intruding in unwanted waters, express your feelings as a couple. The important thing is not to totally trod upon the "aunt" and react in the same manner that she does. Be gentle, but be firm in your convictions. If she still doesn't get the message, you may want to consider excluding yourselves from any family functions that may include her.
2006-11-01 20:12:18 · answer #3 · answered by WhiteChocolate 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My Dad was very rude and difficult to get along with because of his beliefs. He said very hurtful things. I knew it was so much of who he is that I could never change him. I stayed as long as the atmosphere was cordial and then I left when it got abusive. There was no scene, no argument, just left. It takes 2 to play and I refused to play. Atleast I knew it. It's tough when the spouse doesn't. We had a code and respected each others signal. You aren't going to get along 100% but you know the line between polite tolerence and when it goes to rude abuse. I usually reached my point before my husband did. I would lean over and kiss my Dad on the cheek and tell him I love him but I wasn't taking that talk and bye-bye for now. I didn't embarrass him because no-one else heard. I didn't announce amongst protest that we were leaving because Dad was a jerk as usual. But we left. You'd be surprised how may relatives and other people were glad to find a civil out! Took awhile.....but he caught on.
2006-11-01 19:59:06 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
What you two need to do is have a talk with her, but you both need to be on the same page, but you need to express where you are not attacking her, use words such as ; I feel that you are attacking us with your words, I know that you like to express your opinion, but I feel that you personally do not care for us, I feel that I am not apart of this family...these are only examples, but if you do it that way, she will not feel under attack, therefore she will listen (at least a little bit) But as I said you and your wife need to but together on this. Let the aunt know(respectfully) that she is disrespecting your wife and you, and it is not acceptable. Good Luck, be there!, done that!
2006-11-01 19:50:40 · answer #5 · answered by Brezzy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's hard to remember that they are in-laws, not out-laws.
You must rely on your wife, to speak for both of you, or only give a response only when asked. It's like an unwritten law. IN the same token. When it comes to your family (her in-laws), she will rely on you to speak on tender subjects.
Most likely, the people listening to this Aunt, already know of her ways, and wont believe her words.
Pray for your new Aunt and for all the people that come into contact with her!!
2006-11-01 19:52:18 · answer #6 · answered by Michelle 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Give a silent message by avoiding functions she will be present at. If you can't do that then never give her more than the obligatory greeting and don't answer any of her questions. Don't give her fuel for gossip she has enough hot air of her own. If you stand up to her all you will succeed at doing is making her a martyr. The cold shoulder is a slow but effective treatment for people like that.
2006-11-01 20:23:08 · answer #7 · answered by GrnApl 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm afraid that the only way to handle a bully, is to kick their butts the same way they do others. Then they want to be your best friend. I would say that logic won't work on Aunty. But, you shouldn't be a rug either. Your going to have to weigh the pros and cons and decide if you can live without aunty. You said she has her beliefs? Is she a religious zealot? There are books on that! Go to the library!
2006-11-01 19:49:00 · answer #8 · answered by delux_version 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You and your wife might think about having a nice little talk with the aunt, telling her that her comments are very hurtful, and that since you would like to have a nice relationship with her would she please think about how hurtful her comments are. If she continues to say hurtful things, avoid her at all costs!
2006-11-01 19:44:13 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Its sad but,thousands of couples go though this all the time and I'm sorry I haven't found a solution to this.I just had a big fight over his parents the other night.While I don't let my family intrude in our life together.I have had 8yrs. dealing with his.It's been hard.When I can manage not to go around to much its easier for me.So I wish you and your new marriage good luck.
2006-11-01 20:00:44 · answer #10 · answered by star_utsf 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋