do U think 1 should stay with a partner who she loves for 12 yrs when she never had orgasm with but has 3kids?

Question

We are married for 12 years never in my life had orgasm with him though I love him he cant stay erect long & doesnt use hand right place right time. What do you think I should do? I am not at all cold I am so romantica & I love sex. He has high blood pressure & takes medication. Please please help as soon as possible I am going insane.

Answer 1

Doesn't he know he can give you an orgasm by using something other than his erection? Does he not care that he is not satisfying you?

Answer 2

I have been with my partner for 15 and in the past 4 years i have been telling him what i like and asking him what he likes .Alot of it is communication.My partner is one of those that use to be a wham bam thankyou maam type of person but he works me up real good in fore play that i am ready for it.We orgasm together 90% of the time.Amazing what a hot hand in the right place can do.If you can't tell him, show him without words. I have four children and now have my tubes tied so as i can have all the fun with no cosequences.I can keep him interested for at least 2 hours now.I believe whats the point if you are not enjoying it as well.If you love each other work it out before it is too late .You will be surprised at the results

Answer 3

Of course you are meant for this world, you just haven't found your purpose yet. You don't say how old you are. Have you felt this way for long? Are you happpy being miserable? Probably, hopefully, not! Only you can change things. If you suffer from depression, anxiety, etc. seek medical help. There are loads of medication available plus professional help. Maybe you need someone with a good shoulder to lean on for a while. Lots of people suffer silently with depression, there is no need to do this. Seek the help that is readily available, and don't give up until you are feeling better/happier/contentment. Get out more, go for walks, take exercise. Eat healthy food, yes they really do good. The good thing is, you are talking about it. The things you mention should make you happy. It's not always to easy getting these things though, for any of us. First of all you must be happy within yourself. Unfortunately, people tend not to like misery guts too much. Take it easy, seek help, and come back and tell us how much you have changed.

Answer 4

I am in same boat, hon. It sux alright.. (sigh..) I know somebody else is gonna write this too.. but he ever check w/a doctor? I know.. I know.. my husband can't keep a stiffy either (me? I just 'do my own thing' in the privacy of my boudoire.. lol) I finally figured out I can't run around on him (he's not the greatest, I'm kinda stuck.. I've got a morals issue as far as cheatin' on the guy .. we live in a damn small town too, complicates matters.) If you know you love sex and are romantic and passionate and all that stuff.. man, that DOES make it rough on you! How does he feel? He must know something's screwy, right? My husband takes it out on me a lot.. (That's why I ask. This worries me about you.) My husband had colon cancer, won't take his cholesterol pills (has high choles. but not high blood pressure.) This guy get dizzy a lot? ISn't that a symptom of high blood pressure? You know you might be kind 'shy' (like me.) I don't wanna 'tell the guy how to do it right' as it doesn't seem romantic somehow.. He never WAS great w/the sex thing, now that I think on it (but .. sigh.. I thought he'd be a great dad to the kids I had from marriage #l. boy was I wrong! We had our own kid, I don't know how or else I 'd probably toss him. We've got other issues/problems tho.) SO do you love this guy enuff to stay w/him? Yuo got kids? These are what counts.. I say.. the kids count before the love (but what the hell do I know? I'm 53 and all I got to look forward to is dyin') seriously. I get depressed like you sound too. (It won't get better, honey, as it is now either.. sigh) I can tell this guy (he likes oral sex) how to do it but I mean, after so many times? It grows old. I get online and the chatroom and get all sorts of (jerks) that want to talk sex. That's not the route to go either.. (boy, I am not much help..) sorry..:(

Answer 5

OK most women don't have orgasms with out some other type of stimulation. Try masturbation during sex or get a toy. Have him do more foreplay. After 12 years you should have taught him what to do and how you like it. I can't say to stay together for the kids because that to me would be wrong. One day they would find out and it would be worse on them but I don't think you should leave either. Just try something new with him, don't go strait to intercourse, try foreplay with you putting his hands where you want them and don't let him stop till you are ready for him to stop. Then go from there, I'm sure you don't need the details for that.

Answer 6

Go and see a sex therapist together. Get a vibrator, he can use sex toys on you. Find out what brings you off. Most women don't come through intercourse anyway so show him what to do do with his hands so they're in the right place. Once he feels in control of your orgasm he may feel under less pressure to keep his erection and the problem will get better.

Explore foreplay/ mutual fantasies and talk to each other. Don't leave him because the problem is entirely curable. The solution lies with both of you.

Answer 7

There are so many other options out there, to even consider divorce over one of these is really not needed.

I understand he probably can't take meds to sustain erections due to his high blood pressure.

Teach him how to use his hands, show him how you want to be touched. Ask him if he minds you purchasing a toy together one that he can use on you to satisfy you. You don't have to go through this alone, you can share your frustrations with him without being accusing.

Just tell him that you would really like your lovemaking sessions to last longer and due to his health you understand that he's unable to sustain it by himself. Tell him that you'd like to try something new that hopefully both of you will enjoy and then find a suitable solution together. Maybe he would also like to get into all of that but is nervous that you wouldn't like it.

Good luck...

Answer 8

I think if you love him, then defintely stay. There are so many different things that you can do, I cant type fast enough to keep up with my mind. Talk to him explain to him you are having trouble with getting your O. invite him to experiment with some items, in the privacy of your own home. you can puchase things over the phone or internet that come in normal packaging and usually have return addresses that dont let on whats inside. My first step would be to buy a "silver bullet" it is inexpensive and he can enjoy it with you and you might even find a new side of love making that helps him stay erect. let him use the bullet on you, use it your self, you can even have it on and place it between the 2 of you. You may also want to seek medical attention there are alot of things that doctors can do now to help. dont be embarrassed, this is a normal desire that all women should have the right to enjoy with their someone. vibrators and dildos are good but they can be expensive and hard to hid from kids, but they are other options. If hubby is embarrassed then you seek out the toys and use them when he isn't there. You could also talk to you doctor about it for him. If you truely love him, work through this with or with out his help. If it continues to be a problem seek out counceling at least for your self they can direct you better than any one on a website. You have to be true to you, afterall, you are the only one that you have to live with for the rest of your life.

Answer 9

Sexual counselling for the both of you,plus lots of talking between you.Tell and show him what turns you on,try differing ways of prolonging the sex between you-if you think YOU are going insane,what is HE feeling like,or are you only bothered about your own sexual happiness? Don't let 12 years of marriage go down the pan simply because you haven't had an orgasm-many women don't have one,its not a pre-requisite of sex that you do have one you know!!You wouldn't have a leg to stand on in a court if you cite "not able to achieve orgasm your honour"as grounds for divorce!This is do-able,so get on and do it:-)

Answer 10

If after 12 years you cant talk to him about it something has been wrong throughout your marriage , speak to each other discuss the problem and what might be done about it , for all you know he might have fantasised about seeing you with another man or woman since he met you .

Consider this , you must now explore every aspect of sex , both of you in order to save your marriage , who knows you might like it ?

PS talk to your doc they understand and can help , surely 12 years of marriage is worth 5 minutes of embarrassment ?

Answer 11

yes u gotta stay together. talk to your husband and tell him how you feel, tell him what you want in the bedroom.
Of course, don't forget, it may not be his problem: it may be that you are physically unable to have an orgasm. Either way, maybe you should consider going with your husband and gettin sexual advice from a professional.