Personally I am OK with my wife going out with the girlls. The only exception is her going to dance halls and dancing with strangers. Don't you think they have another agenda on their minds. Ladies can safely go to concerts, dinner, bowling, card games, etc, as long as the planned activity does not involve the possibility that other men will join them. Trust & jealousy are not the issues here. I feel they are asking for trouble, and there is the possibility that the worst case scenarios could occur. Certainly it is OK to dance with a friend's spouse when everyone is in attendance. I seriously doubt that a married woman ever goes to dance with the prior intention of fooling around. Although, for her to deny the possibility is for her to deny reality. For Instance, she could easily find someone who is a better dancer than her husband, and want him to become her regular dance partner. Even on a non-sexual basis, it would destroy her marriage?
2006-11-01 10:28:01 · 32 answers · asked by goforgold98721 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You are absolutly right. You are not a mistrusting or jealous or suspicious person because you disapprove of this behavior. Your wife is ignoring your concerns and feelings. That can't be good. Certain behaviors deserve trust and certain behaviors do not deserve trust because of thier potential outcomes. That's it. It doesn't matter what the good intentions are, reality is reality.
Tell her you love her and how it hurts you when she does this. Tell her how it makes you feel, tell her what your fears are. Be honest, "look I love you and I think you are totally beautiful, I know any man would love to have you. You are hot. I'm afraid you'll find someone else you like better than me. I'm afraid you'll find someone else you are attracted to more than me. That really hurts me. I wish you would not do that."
Unfortunately, you can't stop her from her own choices. Hopefully, she will show compassion on your insecurities, (which by the way are totally NORMAL.) Spouses need to care for each other, be sensitive to each others needs and feelings. Try to make sure you are being sensitive to hers, maybe ask her. There could possibly be something you are doing that is making her feel she needs to go out and do this. Good luck to you both.
2006-11-01 10:58:00 · answer #1 · answered by whostolemyprofile 4 · 2⤊ 1⤋
I love this discussion. I'm on the trust side. My wife has dealings with men all the time and she feels it's fine to go to dinner or shows with them. I tell her they have intentions and she laughs it off. But a couple times a year, she'll be fuming because some guy hits on her. She thinks just because she has a ring on her finger, men will know she is off limits for anything beyond a pleasant conversation or a dance. That being said, I trust her completely and simply remind her to stay in safe public places. She enjoys her friends; male and female and I am glad that she has a full rich social life. I think everyone deserves that. Everyone also deserves a supportive trusting spouse as long as you earn it.
I have to wonder about all these people who say they avoid situations which have temptation. Do you truly fear that you will wind up in bed with a total stranger if you are out with your friends at a club or a bar? That seems so medieval. Maybe you could just get a chastity belt and go have some fun.
2006-11-01 11:23:30 · answer #2 · answered by Steve M 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
First off, yes there should be rules. Secondly, it's definitely a trust thing. Asking for trouble? Well, if you DO trust her and she IS trustworthy and faithful, should a situation arise, she WILL make the right decision. In my opinion, 'Girls Night Out' can include dancing with the girls, but not with other strange men, because we know how touchy feely men can TRY to be on the dance floor & I definitely wouldn't want my man doing that with another woman. It is inevitable that a situation will arise in this situation where your wife may be approached by a man, and in this case (if she is faithful, as you say she is.) she will know what to do. Simply flash her ring to the guy, tell him 'No thanks, I'm happily married, and that's that.'
As for the dance partner thing, I knew someone in this situation! My man has a good friend who once had a g/f that loved to go dancing, and he didn't. They would go to dance clubs, she'd dance, he'd sit with his friends, drink, whatever. Well, she casually found another male (who was a bit older than she was.) who loved to dance as much as she did, and so they would meet up quite often just to dance. We all used to look at this situation and go WTF? He didn't care for it, either, but seemed to go along with it - Why, I'm not sure. And they were JUST g/f and b/f! It would a huge HELL NO if it were a married couple, except in a rare occasion where they're professional dancers, but that's a whole different situation. Dancing can be a very seductive thing that could definitely lead to infidelity, in my opinion.
2006-11-01 12:14:55 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
I find it funny when people ask this. I thought getting married sort of set the rules. Seems just about every guy I ever met has sat at home. Didn't have any regular boys nite to do anything except maybe to get loaded and look for girls. Then as soon as they get married all they want to do is have "guys nite out". It's never going over to a buds house to watch a game. It's not a couple hours during the day for a golf game. It's always guys, at the bar till the wee hours of the morning surrounded by girls. Or a sudden interest in "bowling" which is nothing more than hanging out getting drunk and checking girls out. You can never ask where they are going or when they might get back coz "you aren't my mother". Women I'm sure do it as well but I honestly don't think it's as much. It's shopping at the mall. Lunch down town. I don't think too many pull all nighters. Any that I know that ever did wasn't married much longer or was doing exactly what the husband feared. I agree with you. It's a receipe for disaster especially when alcohol is involved. Please....do this when your single. Get it out of your system and be happy to settle down instead of playing with fire. There's ALWAYS going to be someone out there that is prettier, or cuter or more interesting etc. Why even tempt fate when you have something good going? I also hate it when it's like "forbidden" for you to know where they are. If you are behaving in a way that you would be ashamed of if your spouse caught you, then you are doing something wrong and you know it. I'd be ticked if I found my husband following me around but I wouldn't be upset if he was just checking to reassure himself. He would see me exactly where I told him I would be, with the people I told him I would be with, doing what I said I'd be doing and I'd be happy to have him join in. Having time away doesn't mean you are not allowed. But that's just me. There's a difference between satisfying your curisoity and obsession. If I went and saw him being 100% honest when I wasn't there.....I'd feel more secure. But if everytime he said it was just "the guys" and it's swarming with women and I'm "forbidden" to be there.......well different picture.
2006-11-01 11:14:50 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Sounds like trust is the issue and you sound a bit paranoid. At the same time she should understand the male mind and not be naive. In the end, you can't draw any effective boundaries on another persons actions. You'll just end up being controlling, which will backfire. If she cares for you and has sensitivity, then she won't take another regular dance partner, regardless of how good he is. If a man at a dance makes a move on her, which eventually he will, it's up to her to say no, if she wants.
If it's me, I'd make sure that I continue to demonstrate superior rhythm and moves in bed, where it really counts, even if I can't dance. :) Stop being a worrier. Relax and enjoy,
2006-11-01 10:40:41 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 0⤋
I have to say that there are some major trust issues here. Yes there are worse case scenarios that could happen,but for the most part it is fun for women and men to go out and just be who they are without the ever watchful eye of a spouse. The big issue is does she know where her commitments lie? If she does and she honors those commitments then there should be no problem.
2006-11-01 11:03:21 · answer #6 · answered by snoop_dougie_doug04 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
That is so not right about interacting with the opposite sex. If you trust her you would believe that nothing no matter what the men are thinking is going to happen. I go out and my husband goes out. Its the way of life if we didn't we would drive each other crazy. And dancing would not destroy a marriage. Dance is a form of art and it can be sexual but only if she wants it to be. She does have a mouth and can walk away. I love to dance but the hubby hates it. So I do dance. I dance with men and with friends. Would you question if she was dancing with a woman? You really need to see someone about your trust issue. You and your marriage would benefit from it. Good Luck!
2006-11-01 10:58:44 · answer #7 · answered by littlemama 2 · 3⤊ 1⤋
I agree with this. I think if you put yourself in a situation that there is a possibility of trouble later on down the line you're putting too much in jeopardy.
I know a lot of married woman who go to gay clubs to dance for just this very reason. They dance with gay men only and they love it. When they go to a regular club they don't feel as comfortable and safe and feel as if they are doing something wrong.
Maybe this is a suggestion you should make to your spouse if this is the issue you are having.
2006-11-01 10:46:52 · answer #8 · answered by Heather S 4 · 2⤊ 1⤋
It sounds like there are trust issues going on in the marriage, or this issue would not even come up. Is he or she doing something that is making you feel distrustful? You should talk about it. In a trusting marriage, there would probably be only rare times when the spouse would be going to a dance club with their friends and they would know how to handle themselves (the spouse should trust that they can handle them self).
2006-11-01 12:00:53 · answer #9 · answered by marelda 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Lighten up ! Do you think someone leaves their spouse for a better dancer?You must be joking.If this is the case control-freak than you have other problems.As long as you are both honest about dancing harmlessly with other people i.e not the bump and grind ,who cares? How about all the men walking down the street,at the mall, at work etc..?Can you trust her around them?Someone could make her a better cup of coffee and then oh no it could ruin your marriage.
2006-11-01 10:43:30 · answer #10 · answered by Style Girl 2 · 3⤊ 2⤋