I am a married man. Is it really so wrong to have a extramarital affair?

Question

I am married for less than ten years and I do not want out of my marriage. But I do want something more/different. I do want another relationship with another woman. I know that I will be judged by the vast majority as a "pig", but the vast majority does not have to live my life. I have a good wife, and I do not want to see her hurt. Yet I do not believe that I should go without the things that I want either. My needs are just a important. I am sure that it is just a "passing fancy", and yet the drive for me to do this is becoming harder for me to push to the side and ignore. All responses are welcome. Thank you for your time!

Answer 1

Would you say all of this to your wife, if not then obviously there is something wrong with it. I think that if you are to that point then you shouldn't have the privilage of being with your wife anymore.

Answer 2

Aside from the fact that God views it as a sin it is wrong for you to cheat on your wife! Analize why you feel your wife is not fulfilling your needs. If you want something different try changing the situation at home. Take your wife and do things you haven't done in a while or haven't done at all. If you have children get a babysitter you can trust once a week and go out together, just the two of you. Re-establish your relationship together. Communication is a vital part of marriage.
If these things do not work then I suggest marriage counselling for both of you. I prefer to suggest a Faith Bassed Counseller but the choice is ultimately yours.
As a married woman I can tell you that I would leave my husband if he were to cheat on me. Number one I couldn't stomach having my husband near me after sexually being with another woman. Number two he'd be a lier I'd never trust again because a marriage vow is an oath of honor which would be broken. Number three if he loved me he wouldn't have cheated on me so his words of declairation would be meaningless as his oath of honor. And it's not just because you're a man it's the same for a woman too. A woman would become a whore cheating on her husband. I am not condemning you but telling you a woman's point of view should you decide to have an extramarital affair. Don't be surprised with a sudden divorce on your hands.
You really need to find out her side of things. Why isn't she fulfilling your needs? Does she have a fear that needs to be dealt with? Fear is the greatest cause of most peoples problems. Older men and women go through a period of time when they fear that they are not sexy anymore and do all of the wrong things to prove to themselves that they are. Then the two of you need to work things out together. Oftentimes this entails getting help.

Answer 3

yes it is wrong do follow the urge to have an affair, but that doesn't mean that because you are married that you are not human. I don't care who you are everyone has thought about having sex with someone else. Its just not right to follow through with that. Would it be ok if your wife did as well? If you love her and know that it would hurt her why would you intentionally do that? Plus you could lose everything your wife and if you have kids them too. Is it really worth it? Have your wife wear a wig do some role playing if you want something different. Maybe you could seek counseling. But I hope that you make the right choice. Good Luck!

Answer 4

Please let me sound like a job interview. How do you see yourself in 5 years? Ask yourself that question. Then tack on how do you see yourself in 5 years if you got caught cheating. Where will you be? Where will your wife be. Where will your finances be after a huge alimony gets 65% of it? Especially since you won't be living at home. Where are you going to be once you find out that your girlfriend is pregnant? Where are you going to be when you find out that virgin you have been seeing suddenly has AIDES? Listen, I'm not knocking women, but I see in my business that men have the majority of common sense. Women are not stupid, so don't get me wrong, it's just a matter of Linear thinking vs creative. Your not looking at the big picture. Your wife may seem wonderful now, but you will not believe the metamorphosis that will take place to the $&#%@ queen from hell holding all the cards, once you get caught, and you will get caught! Look to the future not at the itch in your pants. All rapists say the same thing, I couldn't help myself, the desire was too strong. Is that where you are? One step down from a rapist?

Answer 5

You must be feeling guilty that's what you cant push aside.
If you wife finds out what your doing you will never have the relationship you have now if you happy to live with the fact that you may lose everything then keep going the way you are.
Maybe you should put some of the energy you put into your affairs back into your relationship with your wife.
Once trust has gone from a marriage you will never get it back

Answer 6

Marriage is work and Monogamy is almost unnatural,yet you made that choice almost ten years ago..You need to honor your vows or else get out of the relationship. You really can't have it both ways play the field but keep your "good" wife at home waiting.Everybody gets the itch for something new ,You have to decide what really matters and what the ultimate outcome could be.Can you live with the trouble and pain that could potentially come from this? You will be involving you ,your wife, the other party ,and any children any of you may have.Sorry ,I did not mean to sound preachy just realistic.

Answer 7

I bet your wife feels the same way as you and would like more than what she gets from you. Talk to her, but don't expect to have your cake and eat it too. The only reason it is getting harder to resist is because you already have it in your small brain that you are going to do this no matter what. Your wife goes without things everyday, a real man who nows what marriage means. Don't ask for advice and look like an *** when you already know what you are going to do. I ask men this all the time, why did you get married if you are not done dating?

Answer 8

Maybe you should tell your wife what you just told the rest of us. "you don't want out of the marriage" ... "you don't want to hurt her or the kids" ... "you have a good wife" ... "your needs are just as important" ... "you want another relationship with another woman" .... Maybe you should tell her. If you keep it from her, either she's going to find out and not be happy about it, or (because a "relationship" with another woman would take time, money and commitment) it will take away from your time, money, and commitment with her and the kids) and you'd be seen as a bad father and/or bad husband because you will be missing in action without any sort of explination. Perhaps if you're missing in action with an explination that everyone knows from the beginning (or at least your wife knows) it will be more ok.

Answer 9

OK i will answer this honestly i cheated on my husband a few months ago me and the guy where both married we could not control the feelings that came over us we both agreed it was only good sex but when you mess with the heart real feelings end up happen he end up leave his wife and i told him i would leave my husband he got killed in a car wreck the same night so know i am try to work out my marriage and fix all the problems so i would tell you don't do it the grass is not greener you hurt way to many people

Answer 10

Really tough question. First, that fact that you made a commitment to your wife means that you should remain faithful. An extramarital affair is concidered adultery which is some states is a valid cause for divorce. If your a christian its a sin. But other than that, you are the one who has to live with the guilt and consequences. Of course your needs are important but so is your commitment to your wife. If you really want to do this but not want to end your marriage I suggest that you should talk to your wife. If she's not going to give you permission to it than you probably shouldn't.

Answer 11

Have you talked to your wife about this? I mean.... I am19 and have been married for 8 months and if my husband ever thought of that i would probably break is leg (and yes I would be smiling while i did It). You said that you just want more...more what? I think that you are just missing what you had when you first got married. Watch your wedding videos so you can stir some emotions. Think about your wife more in your daily thoughts, take a vacation. I don't think that seekin another women will help it will just create a mess. Control your fancy and love your wife....Good Luck :)