I am 44 yrs old and have been married 25 yrs. I workout on weights and am considered to be goodlooking. My wife is on the heavy side but she was a doll when I married her, I ask her to go to the gym with me but she never wants to go. My problem is that lately i have been getting alot of attention from other women. Should I start going out on my wife ? I don't know what I am feeling should I start having affairs?
2006-11-01 09:52:20 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
No and no and no! Unless you are a jerk, I would encourage you to be a man worth loving, a man worth losing some pounds over. Your wife doesn't want to go to the gym because she will be embarrased to work out with the "skinnys". This scenerio says a lot about YOU. Why is it you have not spent time with your wife to find out what is going on with her? Why doesn't she care anymore to take care of herself. Do you still respect and treat her as you did when she was a "doll"? Have you asked her to walk with you? Have you held her hand lately and told her what life would be like without her? Have you asked her if there is anything she would like to see changed. Is she bitter about something? Is she dissatisfied with the "status quo"? Don't expect her to open up to you in a 1/2 session. Go slow...be patient, be kind, be long suffering. Love her! Spend some money on her, invest in her! Make her feel safe. Even the thought that you'd like to "split and run" tells me I'm very glad I'm not married to you.
2006-11-01 10:02:53 · answer #1 · answered by lindakflowers 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Your problem is not getting attention from other women, your problem is how you're thinking about handling it.
Up until you started turning heads, you didn't have a problem. There isn't anything wrong with working out and getting into shape. There is something wrong when you decided that after 25 years, your wife is no longer good enough. It's not like you're expressing concern about her health, or would like her company in the gym. It's just easier for you to be weak and give in.
Sorry, but you're not getting any sympathy from me. Man-up and have some integrity. If the situation were reversed, would you want your wife to be that shallow to you? You could go out and have several affairs, but they would ultimately prove to be unsatisfying; your wife may have been "a doll" when you first married, but you stayed married to her for other reasons. Think about that. Consider that you can gain drama that you can't even fathom now should you give into you impulses. If you think you're ready for STDs, an unplanned pregnancy, the end of your marriage, loss of respect of your friends and family...then, sure! Go for it.
Just keep in mind that time will catch up to you as it does with all of us. The young hottie you leave your wife for will eventually tire of you and put your silly butt out to pasture.
2006-11-01 10:20:28 · answer #2 · answered by Le_Roche 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Tell her you love her (If it's the truth) and tell her that you are concerned for her health, and know she would feel so much better if she got some exercise. Maybe going for a walk if she's on the heavy side (maybe she doesn't feel comfortable in a gym)
You shouldn't cheat on her, just because she has gained weight. Maybe she gained weight because she's lonely or depressed, or for some other reason. If you love her, then you won't cheat...ever. If you don't love her, then why are you married to her? I'm still a little old fashioned, and think that marriage should be for life, not just until something better comes along.
Just because women are noticing you, should you go for it?
No!
Figure out how you really feel about your wife, and talk to her! Why is it so much easier to talk to strangers than to the one that you have been partners with for 25 years?
2006-11-01 10:07:03 · answer #3 · answered by suziq 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
That's unfair for you to even consider. I suppose with that rational that if she should start to lose that weight and get alot of attention she should go out with other men.
Did she ever give you children?
That sure is a crappy way to show your appreciation. In your lifetime you could never do anything to your body that would come close to the time she spent and the havoc it wrought up her person. Not to mention the emotional and physical support she has given you to enable you to pursue your personal and professional endeavors. Have you worked out on weights for the entire 25 years? Probably not for whatever reasons. When you were ready to ; you did. When she is ready ; she will. If she doesn't then that is her right. If you must be with someone else then divorce her and free her to be appreciated by someone else. She has earned that right to expect that courtesy from you and not disloyalty. You will do what you want I am sure. You are just seeking an excuse to justify it. Be careful of what you wish....
2006-11-01 12:35:34 · answer #4 · answered by GrnApl 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Its hard when you both move in different directions no matter how long you've been married
She may be feeling awkward with her weight going to the gym with you (as you are in good condition) may cause her to feel intimidated. Losing weight is a complete life style change maybe you should start with a health camp follow it up with walking everyday as the weight falls off and she gets into the swing of things she'll join you at the gym.
2006-11-01 10:02:08 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
PLEASE!!!
25 years!!! dont be a fool. a little weight can be fixed. If not it is no reason to want someone else. I have been married for 25 years and there is an extra poundage issue here too . Sure does not make my husband want to wander. Talk to her
dont throw this away for something stupid.
2006-11-01 10:04:07 · answer #6 · answered by -------- 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Don't start having affairs. You know it is not right, and someone always ends up getting hurt. Instead, try and persuade your wife to come to the gym with you.
2006-11-01 10:27:33 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
So she spent 25 yrs with you and because she doesn't look as good as you, you want to cheat ? No wonder I never want to get married.
2006-11-01 09:56:28 · answer #8 · answered by JustMe 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I understand what you are saying. often women make it clear to me that if I want them, they are willing. My wife has also gained some wieght and is basically a couch potatoe. but remember the vows? "for better or worse,,etc." A promise is a promise. If she is faithful to you -you should be also.
2006-11-01 10:04:14 · answer #9 · answered by morris 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If you love her, ignore the women.
If you DON'T love her, divorce before starting anything.
They are probably not as hot for you as you think..it's likely just a mid-life crisis.
Do you want to throw away your life??
2006-11-01 10:14:13 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋