This is a very difficult situation I would like your opinion on. My husband was killed suddenly a few months ago. I loved him very much. He was a good husband, good daddy, good friend. BUT I fell out of love w/ him somewhere along the way before he died. I stayed though for several reasons. This is beside the point. Anyway after about a month of greifing I began to feel myself letting go and I felt guilty. Then one day a friend of mine stopped to check to see how I was doing and if I needed anything. Well, this person was a relative of my husbands and I had felt sexually attracted to him around the time I fell out of love with my husband. Apparently this man felt the same about me. We never acted on it then for obvious reasons.This man is married but not happily. We started seeing eachother but never slept together. We ended it because of moral issues. Am I a bad person? If he ever leaves his wife would it be wrong to persue him again? I really do care for this man. I
2006-11-01 09:50:13 · 21 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Everyone makes mistakes, you fooled around with him, but realized it was wrong, and stopped- a lot of people wouldn't of even done that. Possibly, he seems like a better version of your late husband, therefore you want to be with him, as an upgraded replacement. You need to look at what attracts you to this man, and why. It is okay to care for him, but do not break up his marriage. If he decidedly divorces his wife, for reasons other than his lust for you- and a few months later you persue him, there shouldn't be a problem. Love is love, people make too many rules about it. Just be careful, and know exactly what you're doing.
2006-11-01 09:54:51 · answer #1 · answered by Fran Y 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sally, you are definietly not a bad person. You stopped it before anything happened. So, get those thoughts out of your head. This man if he leaves his wife, I don't see why you shouldn't see if there is something between the two of you. You are all ready attracted to one another, so I say go for it.
I am very sorry for your loss, and I am even sorry that the love had ended before his death. It's a terrible thing for someone to fall out of love, but it happens. No one is at fault or to blame. Now, it's your turn to find someone to make your head spin once again. It maybe this man, or it could be someone you haven't yet meet.
Sally it's time to start living for yourself. You ended the relationship because of moral reasons...I think that makes you a good person! So, if he and his wife spilt and you haven't gotten together with anybody--then go for it...I pray that you can find the love and happiness that you deserve...with this man or some one else that's looking for you!
God bless us all............
2006-11-01 10:59:13 · answer #2 · answered by totallylost 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh Honey, It sounds like you did everthing right. Stop feeling guilty, If you two stopped before IT happened , and have backed away so he can figure out what it is he want's to do, then i think you did the right thing and have nothing to feel bad about.And NO you are not a bad person. I think if he decided to leave his with, he needs to be sure that he's doing it for the right reasons, and that you two will have to decide from there if it is the right time and place for you to be together. If family and children are involved it can make thing harder, but you two are the only ones that truelly matter. Good Luck to you
2006-11-01 10:52:49 · answer #3 · answered by dreamteam 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Relationships are complicated
Personally I think you should leave it alone until and unless he is single again
Just think how you would feel if you were his wife - you wouldn't like it so don't do that to someone else
For you to feel the way you do is not bad - I think when you lose someone people just expect that you are going to be devastated forever - some people are and some are not - so don't feel guilty about that - don't even feel guilty about being attracted to a married guy - but if you let something happen THEN you will be guilty with a CAPITAL G
2006-11-01 09:58:14 · answer #4 · answered by misscynic 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
your feelings be pretty normal...i mean who hasn't had a change of heart...and who are we to control such things? sad to hear he passed on. though you shouldn't feel bad for having feelings for someone else. you will never know if things could have worked out between you and the late ex (not sure what else to call him). grieving is different for all and all go about it in different ways. you didn't cheat on him while he was alive. now that he is gone you are left alone (except for your family) and have this other manw ho you were/are interested in. sure he is unhappily married, but the key word be MARRIED. you two obvisouly realized that this is wrong on so many grounds morally and never acted physically on this. no i believe it wouldnt be wrong to pursue the man, though don't just jump on the man....take things day by day and get to know eachother, also most importantly think about your own family...family should come first. no you aren't a bad person as you are obviously thinking these things through...power to ya n good luck,
2006-11-01 10:02:45 · answer #5 · answered by kanem_7 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Really you should be comended for stopping before the situation went any further. Some people that are grieving want someone to hold them and sooth the pain away and that can and has led to sexual situations.
If he leaves his wife I would suggest you not get involved with him. For the reasons that would involve family and close friends. Get out of the house and start to enjoy your life someday you will run right into the person your looking for.
Sorry for your family's loss and good luck.
2006-11-01 09:59:45 · answer #6 · answered by sideways 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Never play in the same back yard. You may have feelings for this person but the family will never forgive you if you act on them they will see you as not respected your dead husband or the marriage of another member of the family. Go out meet more people you were in an unhappy marriage the chances are this has all come from loneliness not love.
2006-11-01 09:56:04 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
I don't think it's right for u to entertain the very idea of bangin a relative of your husbands, at all. and especially so soon after his demise. to top it off the guy is married. if u are ready to move on with your life and date other guys step outta your comfort zone and try meeting guys who aren't so close to your situation. u shouldn't just jump on the first D!CK that knocks on your door. if for what ever reason he get a divorce and a few YEARS have gone by and u are still interested MAYBE u can consider it. in the mean time, get off your ***, get out there and date.
2006-11-01 10:18:44 · answer #8 · answered by feetal2003 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are not a bad person. It takes two to tango honey. And tango you two did, I guess. The loss of someone.....even if you were no longer in love with him, is very hard on a person. You were in a vulnerable position and things happen.........He is married, and unless his wife does not care about him seeing you I would suggest moving on and finding happiness once again!
2006-11-01 09:54:35 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
from journey ive had the two a sturdy adolescents a million-12 then once I became an adolescent my mom and dad divorced and we struggled alot i might ought to assert it completely relies upon on how the guy see issues in his life dealing with the two i strayed off into undesirable issues drugs and what no longer yet now im an excellent individual i found mutually as suffering between good and incorrect soooo i desperate i wasnt going to be undesirable i replaced my behavior and problems..there is a few actuality in what your saying yet often something ought to ensue undesirable people come from sturdy and undesirable childhoods sturdy people come from sturdy and undesirable childhoods additionally it in basic terms relies upon which way the youngster comes to a decision to circulate. in basic terms because of the fact i ended up there (undesirable tennage life) i knew i wasnt going to stay there.
2016-11-26 22:33:00 · answer #10 · answered by zorine 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋