My husband and I have been married for 2 years, and ever since the birth of our son our sex lives have depleted. I will say I have not always had the sexual drive due to the birth of my son and caring for my son. My husband started viewing pornographic images on the internet. Ive caught this a few times. He chooses to masterbate to porn online rather than come to me for love... he expresses to me that this is a stress reliever for him and sometimes its to much work to get me going.
I dont think its that..... I just dont think he wants to have sex with me anymore... We still do... every now and then and Ive told him that I want for him to come to me instead of the computer.... Havnet seen a change in our sex lives yet.....
2006-11-01 09:23:51 · 23 answers · asked by greygirl06 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
this might seem kinda kinky...but next time you catch him...instead of being hurt...try to be turned on. go help him..i bet it will turn into something more...and he will think of you next time instead of the computer.
2006-11-01 09:26:39 · answer #1 · answered by beckdawgydawg 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Try to be sympathetic to the fact that you caught him looking at porn online. In his eyes, he is 13 again and you are his mom taking away his Playboys. It's emabarassing for him. In this aspect, try to be the bigger person.
Try to be more sexually available. Even if you are tired, just every once in awhile. It just takes a couple out of the ordinary sack sessions to remind him what an amazing sexual being he married. Once you get this out of the way, he will see you for the amazing mother you have become and try to get used to the way sex will be from now on, you take it when and where you can get it. Hopefully. But porn cannot take the place of a healthy sexual relationship. Momma's got needs too.
Whatever you do don't encourage it by viewing it together. Clearly, you're not comfortable with it, and viewing it with him would appear to be condoning it. Plus, it would probably feed the addiction. I hate to tell personal stories, but I went through a very similar experience and I welcomed porn into our sexual relationship and it made things much worse. Pretty soon, my partner would need it on all the time. You don't need it in your relationship, so don't bring it in. Those are his needs, not yours.
If things don't improve, see a doctor. They can send you to a sex therapist or maybe prescribe something for you, if there is a hormonal imbalance affecting your sex drive. Whatever it may be, the best of luck to you. Good luck.
2006-11-01 09:40:01 · answer #2 · answered by Lisa H 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him if he wants to relieve stress, he should be doing YOU and not the computer. Men can be such jerks, I swear. It's amazing I'm not a lesbian yet. lol Anyhoot, I think you should buy one of those programs that you put on the computer and password-protect to keep children from viewing porn. Then, don't tell your husband what the pw is and don't use something he could figure out. That way, he CAN'T look at porn online. If he's still an @$$, go buy yourself a vibrator and use it right in front of him.
2006-11-01 09:36:48 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
What are you waiting for? Why does he need to come to you?
He is a human who needs to be desired and persued as much as you. If he has gotten the impression that you don't want him sexually, you might as well divorce him now, if you are not going to go after him. Do something he has begged you for sexually, and keep doing it often. YOU find some new things to spice it up and get yourself going. If you don't someone else will show thier sexual interest and off he will go. If he stays, his sexual desire for you will dwindle until you are just roommates.
If it's true that men think of sex every few minutes, then wouldn't it seem reasonable to please him on the area that he thinks about most often?
You will wind up like all those women who ask "why wasn't I enough' when you weren't anything but a hole by choice. If you want to be desired, give him something to desire... raging passion, not apathy.
it's either 'I'm just not into it right now" and divorce/cheating or you will meet his needs.
What if he said... "I'm just not into working and earning money right now in my life... I have a lot going on and my desire to work just isnt that high?"
2006-11-01 09:36:16 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
My heart goes out to u girl....i havent been in ur shoes so i wudnt understand how the social phobia gets under ur skin..but i do know that its difficult to socialize with a group of friends instead of just 1 friend (some ppl may differ with that). U'v just got to pay more attention to whats being said in normal conversations instead of thinking insecure thoughts cuz thats part of where the "quiet mouse" character stems from. So just refocus ur attention in their presence. Be more aware of ur external and ignore ur internal for a while. Hope that helps short-term. Seeing a counselor is a very good and mature long term solution...and the younger u r the faster u'l heal.
2016-03-28 03:52:35 · answer #5 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i don't think masturbation relieves stress. i think porn is a turn on for him. and i think that if you watched it with him masturbation would stop. he would have sex with you instead. i am the mother of three and we don't do the porn thing so much anymore. but there was a time that we watched it together. just try it and see how you feel about it.
2006-11-01 09:36:43 · answer #6 · answered by Thumbs down me now 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Wow, that's difficult. I dont know if it's just me but nothing beats the real thing. I would prefer a woman than a hand. Something more is going on than what is being said. He may also be fantasizing about the situations that occur in porn, throw a curve ball and do something somwhere or on something that you have never done it before. That's my thought..
2006-11-01 09:41:20 · answer #7 · answered by acezr2wild 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Maybe you should try making the first move. You could be sending mixed signals and he may be afraid of rejection. It always takes a while to get back into the swing of things after having a child. Good luck.
2006-11-01 09:26:38 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
it is a great stress reliever. Start watching and looking at porn on the computer with him. That may help you 2.
2006-11-01 09:31:10 · answer #9 · answered by daveyboyone 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
It is for me since my wife and I sleep in separate bedrooms.
After 8 years what else to do except cheat, and sometimes that is not fun. It depends on the person or persons. Every person is not the same, and does not feel the same.
2006-11-01 12:52:16 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
YES it is a great stress reliever when you do it right! hehehe
Anyways maybe he just has started enjoying himself more than you and I think you two really need to talk about that.
2006-11-01 09:27:07 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋