What do I do? My husband neglects me and my needs!?

Question

My husband & I have been together for 13 years married for 3. We have 2 beautiful children and all he does is work maybe 40 hours a week and play on his computer all night. He comes up for dinner but goes back downstairs. His best friend from grade school is over practically everynight. He never listens to me or helps me with the kids. He sleeps on the couch and it has been 6 months since we were last sexually intimate. I work 40 hours a week come home and take care of the kids and dinner the dogs and the house. I feel I don't know him anymore.On weekends he is either playing on the computer or going riding on his dirt bike or playing paintball with his friends. It has become more of a roomate situation with help of finances than a marriage. I feel soo alone. He refuses to go to marriage counseling. What can I do to get his attention again? Please help! Any suggestions? Before the kids it was all about me & him & after well lets just say I fell off of his radar. I am 25 he is 27.

Answer 1

It sounds like only one of you matured. If he is going to treat you like a room mate, then why not return the favor. Stop doing his laundry, stop cooking him supper, just you and the kids, stop making it easy for him. Before you do that though, get the kids off to mom's or someplace they will be taken care of, take his keyboard, mouse and monitor and hide them and tell him he can have them back after the two of you talk. Sit him down and tell him how you feel, let him know that you feel neglected and more like his live in maid than his wife and that you need more. If he fails to respond, stop doing for him and when he asks why, you can let him know that since you are not having your needs met by him, that you do not find it necessary to meet his. If you still can not get his attention, just set up a week vacation for you and the kids, don't say a word about it to him, just go to your mom and dad's or bothers or sisters for a week. Let him come home to an empty house where he has to do everything for himself and take care of the dogs. If he does not like it, let him know that if you do not get some of his attention, he will have it like that everyday of his life when you leave him for good.

Answer 2

You need to talk. Sit down with him some time, maybe get a babysitter for the kids and go out for a walk together or go grab coffee and chat somewhere. Tell him how much you miss him and his company and spending time with him. Tell him what you are feeling and how you feel like maybe he doesn't know it, but you have some needs and are feeling that they aren't being met. Try not to make accusatory statements like: "you never X anymore" or " you always Y" or "all you do is Z" this puts him on the defensive and makes him feel attacked. Try to use "I" statements such as: "I feel that X" or "I would like it if we could Y" or "I want Z". Good luck.

Answer 3

Hmmmmm Perhaps you need to get back on his radar. If he won't listen, get help, or help you, a change of scenery may be in order. I don't know your husband, and won't judge him but he sounds very spoiled as well as extremely selfish. What happens next is up to you, and only you can live your life. Think long and hard about what you want in 5, 10, 15 years and ask yourself are you getting there. The rest is in your court, good luck and remember it isn't about one person in a marriage, but two. You and him.

Answer 4

Do you suspect he is having Cyber Sex? Do you think he's met someone online? Let him know you want to sit with him when he gets online because you want to know more about computers? Do it for a few weeks and see where that takes you but don't let him know what your doing and check about what time he gets on there every day. There may be a routine daily meeting or porn site? Don't accuse him cause it'll only make things worse. Be an investigator. Hey your a female, check it out.

Answer 5

Tell him you are annoyed with the way he treats you and the kids he must start to pick up some of the slack he is married to you
tell him his friends can come over once or twice a week and the rest of the time it is for you and the kids. When he got married to you he chose to be a couple he needs to take some responsibility for his actions ie. he is dad to those kids and
he is needed to raise them. Tell him needs to be more respectful of your home and to grow up his friends should not be coming over everyday he needs to spend time with you and the kids if he didn't want this commitment or responsibility then he should have kept his dick in his pants seriously it sounds like he is one selfish jerk.

Answer 6

i think u should tell him its either u show me some respect as the mother of your children and ur wife and spend some time with me and show me u love me or im outta here thats what i would do no woman at ur age should be going though that, ur young and u can get any one else yes it would be hard on the kids but they would understand u need to be happy not only them and ur husband u need to think about ur self now and tell him he needs to spend time with u and show u some love and compassion or ur going to find it somewhere else if he loves u he will make things better if not then he doesnt love u if he just tells u ur nuts or theres no problem and u should then kick him to the kerb think about urself and ur feelings cuz i know wat its like to have a bf who works comes home and sits on the computer all nite and doesnt even get off to eat dinner he took it with him to the comp i would lay in bed by myself watchin tv while he played on the computer and even when i would tell him baby i wanna make love to u he would be like oh not now and when i told him there was a problem he ignored it and said there wasnt then i dumped his *** and he came running back sayin he now knows he ****** up and should of payed more attention to me instead of the damn comp and that he would change and i said hell no i got someone now who gives me wat i need and want and loves me and not their computer or only his friends so maybe this will help u but if not then im sorry and i hope everything works out well for u hun bye bye

Answer 7

I hate to tell you this, but the chances of him changing are about as good as winning the lottery. He likes it the way it is because he has a live-in maid and nanny. All he has to do is get his 40 in and play... well, you need more than that. I have the reverse situation... my wife is the lazy bleep and it's been 21 years of fighting and neglect. I suggest you get out fast and hard!!!!

no more playing, it's like neglecting a cancerous lump, it will consume and destroy you.

Answer 8

Whenever a man lets 6 months go by without initiating sex with his wife, he's getting it from someone else. Could he be sleeping with his friend (gross!)? Or could his weekend excursions with his "friends" be the time that he's with his other woman? Maybe the time he spends on the computer at night is when he chats with her?

Confront him about it. It's not normal for a couple, especially at your age, to go 6 months without sex!

Answer 9

Basically the man never grew up and he sounds just like a teenager living in your house...honestly. No, I am not slighting you, you sound great.....give this guy an ultimatum, he needs to be splitting up the household duties with you because you both work outside jobs....he needs to cut down on his computer time, and tell that friend of his to go the *** home!!! Obviously he is not taking charge of his home so he is FORCING YOU TO!!!

Answer 10

Even though you will have to do the planning. I think it sounds like you both need a weekend alone. Plan a trip out of town together - somewhere neither of you have been. While you are on the trip try to talk to him about how you are feeling.
Best of luck